#please read this I spent way too long on it
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Buddie: Two hopes for episode 8x6
I've waited for more than 24 hours to post this because I'm still in utter disbelief after Tuesday night. Yesterday, I hoped I'd wake up from the nightmare and realize it was all a dream but it wasn't and it will continue for who knows how long. I'm trying to find silver linings in the one TV show I consistently watch, therefore I'm finally ready to share the only two hopes I have for 9-1-1's season 8 episode 6.
I won't watch live and the truth is I haven't this season because if it's full of more retcons and other nonsensical BS, I need to be able to fast forward through the scenes I don't want to see. Furthermore, my expectations for 8x6 are below the ground and honestly, after Tuesday's election here in the U.S., I have no idea how TM (showrunner) and the network will react or if they'll even try to course correct.
IYKYK there will be challenges ahead for network TV and it's the MAIN reason why Buddie should have gone CANON last season. Also, I've posted before that hiatues don't do them any favors (seasons 6 and 7 are perfect examples of this and that's why they both ended ridiculously), therefore, I'm only hoping for two things.
Buck needs to end whatever the f~ck he's doing with Tonsillitis because 8x5 clearly showed they aren't compatible. There's no need to drag it out any longer and I for one do NOT want to sit through a dĂ©jĂ vu moment that's reminiscent of BT 1.0 only for this BS to last until 8x18. It was exhausting in season 5 and if TM does it, then it'll be history repeating itself. We're literally 5 episodes in and I'm already tired of this season because of the lack of movement with Eddieâs storyline and all this focus on BT instead of it being focused on Buck and his individual journey. It's not ok and it's really pissing me off. Buck needs to stand up for himself and stop clinging to relationships that aren't working. He already wasn't allowed to breakup with T.K. 1.0 because he wasnât happy, so can he please finally get off the damn hamster wheel? OS deserves better than this and TM (showrunner) should be ashamed at how poorly he's handled Buckâs arc.
Eddie hasn't had a GOOD episode that's been solely about him in YEARS! And I'm disappointed in the fact that 8x6 was supposed to be his time to shine but once again it appears his scene(s) will be relegated to the last 5 minutes of the episode the same way his PTSD arc was handled in 5x13. Therefore, I hope whatever is going to happen with him shaving his mustache will be emotional and meaningful instead of it being handled in a way that's comical like the show spent the majority of the preseason promoting it. TM already spilled the beans about it which minimized the anticipation of it when he told everyone during an interview that it was going to happen only to not speak of it again for the last few weeks. Furthermore, whatever Eddie has to say about his failed marriage to Shannon, it needs to be the last time so it can be wrapped up tonight because there are only so many times she should be mentioned because she's been dead for 6 years and it's time for her to R.I.P. Now, he SHOULD talk about her when he's ready to have an open and honest conversation with Chris like he should have been allowed to do in 7x1. Also, a mention of how Eddieâs going to fix things with Chris needs to be included too because Eddieâs a great dad and I'm sick and tired of them not letting their father and son relationship move forward. Chris has been in El Paso long enough, therefore Eddie needs to travel there to see him and so that he can read his mother the riot act. RG is a fabulous actor and he deserves better. He already had to put up with that raggedy ass "Vertigo" and doppelgĂ€nger storyline BS, so can the audience please see some progress in 8x6? The show needs to turn the page on Eddieâs failed marriage once and for all.
Here's the thing, with the Madney storyline, three emergency calls, Buck's conversations with Maddie and Josh and possibly Bobby, all the BT foolishness, Eddie shaving his mustache and Eddieâs conversation(s) with the priest, itâs unlikely there will be enough time for everything and I'd rather see the stuff that matters and that will move both Buddie's and Madney's arcs forward.
Time is of the essence and there are only two weeks left before the show goes on hiatus for who knows how long. Therefore, waiting to make Buddie CANON could backfire and itâs possible they won't get the chance if they wait until 8B.
Just saying.
I'M TIRED AND I WON'T DEAL WITH ANYONE'S BS COMMENTS ABOUT BT BREAKING UP SO, DON'T REBLOG THIS WITH AN OPPOSING OPINION. IF ANYONE DISAGREES THATâS FINE BUT THEY SHOULDN'T ATTACH IT TO MY POST. THEY SHOULD DO IT ON THEIR OWN BLOG OR GET BLOCKED LIKE EVERY BT STAN. I'M A PROACTIVE BLOCKER AND I DO IT BASED ON FILTERED TAGS! I'VE ALREADY BLOCKED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN ONE WILL FOLLOW ME AND I IMMEDIATELY BLOCK THEM TOO.
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#madney#maddie buckley#chimney han#911 abc#911 on abc#911 spoilers#911 speculation#911 season 8#911 season 8 speculation#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#Canonically Observing 9-1-1 Speaks#ryan guzman#oliver stark
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The oneshot we were all expecting!!!!!! Or at least the one I so desperately wanted to write đ„č I just adore our two little lovebirds in this settingâtheir first kiss and date ajkhgjkaghjkahgjkahsgjkashkgaskghaj ANYWAYS
warnings: highschool au. naoya is completely evangelized so don't expect his usual shenanigans. he's also somewhat of an obnoxious dork. fluff. also minimal proofreading (?)
Happy reading!!
[Iâm almost there!! There was a small delay on the train, but Iâm almost there I swear!! Iâm sorry, please wait for me đ„ș]
Naoya mustâve re-read your last message a thousand times, but far from making him angry, or even easing his anxiety⊠it just made him feel worse.
As if the seconds he spent waiting for you werenât agonizing enough, now that he knew you were very close, he couldnât help but worry about your reaction. If youâd approve of him, his itinerary for the dayâ
Or most importantly, his appearance.
Up to that point you had only seen him in his everyday boring jujutsu uniform, with a few exceptions of casual attire after class. Never situations where actual effort beyond the bare minimum was placed.
So naturally, he had to go all out on your first date with him.
Was it too much?
Maybe. Though some would argue this⊠style was expected of him. Expensive, borderline excessive, from head to toe black in brands many could only dream of affordingâit was obvious that Naoya had money to spend, and he wanted the whole world to know.
Mostly you. Everyone else he really didnât care forâhe just wanted you to know what he was willing to do and provide for you. Nothing more, nothing less.Â
And such was his determination that he almost forgot another important matter, the one that ended up affecting him the most ultimately: his reaction to seeing you all dressed up for the date.
With a black short skirt alongside a beige oversized turtleneck, accompanied by black thighs that sparked something inside him⊠Naoya simply wanted to scoop you up and gush at your adorableness. He literally didn't think you capable of being any prettier, and yet, here you were, proving him wrong. Just like every day.
âIâm so sorry Naoya, I hope you werenât waiting for too long!â you breathed, rushing to his side. Even if you had kept him waiting, all those silly trivialities disappeared the moment you stepped into his sight.Â
âYou didnât.â he lies, doing his best to contain the blushing mess settling on his face. âI just got here.â
âThatâs not true.â You giggle. âYouâve always been punctual!â
Yes, that's true. And when it comes to you he was far worse; in fact, for today he had actually arrived three hours earlier just to make sure that all the places in his itinerary were still available.Â
Naoya had reservations anyways, but thereâs always some fool...
âThe same way youâre always pretty.â
Now itâs your turn to fluster; what a nice way to turn the tables.
âYouâre not so bad yourself, boyfriend.â
Naoya smiles; he's been waiting so long to earn that title, and naturally, it's much sweeter than what he imagined.
âYou ready to go?â he asks as he takes hold of your hand.
âYeah!â you nod eagerly, squeezing him back. âWhere are we going first? The aquarium?â
âYes. Unless youâre hungry, princess. If so, we can get a bite.â
âNo, Iâm not hungry yet. But I guess we could get something to drink.â You suggest, already looking through your options.
âWhatever you want, and donât hold back. Remember itâs all on me.âÂ
Your heart fluttered at his words.Â
âThank you.â
He smiles.
Naoya had previously scoured the area for nothing but the best coffee shops to give you the most amazing experience possible, nothing short of suitable for his little mochiâŠ
Though his efforts would ultimately be for naught, since youâd take him towards a personal selection instead, initially a recommendation from one of your classmates, now your favorite spot.Â
But it wasnât all bad as Naoya feared, in fact, it was much better than he anticipated; the pastries, while peculiar, were surprisingly tasty. Even for someone like him who wasnât all too fond of sweets. Yet, what he liked the most was the cozy ambiance that set for an⊠intimate setting.
âYou know, youâre awfully cute when you do that.â Naoya murmurs, a sly smile as he places his hand over yours, inching closer to you.
âWhen I do what?â you ponder curiously.
âDonât act coy now, you know what I mean.â
âBut Iâm not⊠doing anything.â you frown.
âIs that so?â Naoya laughs.
âDonât tease meâŠâ you murmur. Your poor heart was already on the brink of bursting out of your chest by the happiness of being so close to him brought youâ
You almost passed out once he got much, much closer to you, pressing his thumb at the left corner of your lips and wiping the remnants of your delicious tiramisuâŠ
âOh, Naoyaâthatâsâ!â you covered your face with your hands. âStop it! Youâre just trying to embarrass meâŠ!â
âHmmm⊠really? How could I possibly do that?â
âYouâyou know what I mean! Donât act like you donât!â
Well, youâd better get used to this playful side of Naoya if youâre to be his girlfriend, for he doesnât intend to stop anytime soonâthough he briefly manages to stop when in the aquarium.
Yes, even for someone âcoolâ like him, the aquarium was quite enjoyable by itself, the kind of place he wouldnât mind returning to later on againâŠ
Especially if he gets to admire you gleefully observing the fishes, gushing at the ones you considered pretty, if not odd, while taking pictures of them.
Thereâs just⊠something about seeing you like this that makes his heart feel warmer, tighter, his feelings for you growing stronger the longer he stares at you, eventually leading him to the thought heâs plentifully considered beforeâbut never brave enough to push for it.
But now⊠considering all this⊠he believes perhaps, itâs finally time for that.
Nonetheless, heâs yet to traverse his biggest obstacle, which is setting up everything for that to happenâ if it was even meant to occur in the first place.Â
Just consider this: Naoya is intimidated by the notion of asking you for a picture, hiding his phone as soon as you turn around to face him.
âItâsâItâs nothing.â He stammers, looking away as he promptly shoves his phone down his pocket. âJust wanted to check somethingâI think I got a message or something...â
âYou know⊠if you want a photo of me all you have to do is ask.â You suggest, moving closer to him and intertwining your arm with his, resting your head into his shoulder. To think that just a few moments ago the roles were reversed⊠Oh, how you adored Naoya. âMight even throw in a pose or two for my shy boyfriend.â
âIâm not shy.â Naoya frowns.
âNo, of course not.â You giggle, standing on your toes and kissing his cheek. âNever.â
Once done with the aquarium, Naoyaâs itinerary continued to the nearby mall, where heâd encourage you to buy something niceâor more like force you to do it yourself, since he was set on purchasing whatever he assumed youâd enjoy. So, if you don't want to end up with things you might not like, you better step upâ before getting something to eat.
But while most of his plans were made with the purpose of distracting you, he wonât deny that heâs greatly benefiting from them too; because once he set his mind in achieving that today, Naoya turned into nothing less of an anxious mess, constantly wondering what he needed to do to achieve the same thing heâs been dreaming of since heâs set his eyes on you.Â
As well as trying to overcome the insecurities that came with it, what could ultimately ruin the small relationship he was starting to build with you.
What if you didnât want to? What if you accepted this date to get to know more of him, deciding the best way to continue was by taking things even slower?
If so, heâd only ruin everything with his silly request!
But thisâthis isnât anything new. A lot of couples have done it many times! And will continue to do so even after the two are no longer around.Â
«Donât you think if this is something she wanted to do, she wouldâve told you already?» Naoya cruelly scolds himself. «If I make this decision myself, Iâll only end up pushing her awayâ»
âAre you ok, Naoya?â you ask, having noticed how eerily silent heâs become since⊠a while ago, really. âYou havenât even tasted your ramenâ
âAh, yesâ Iâm fine.â He responds, wiping the sweat off his hands on his coat before looking at you. âI just remembered thereâs an assignment I need to do.â
âOh, is it urgent? We can head back if youââ
âWhat? No! Why would you suggest that?!â Naoya gasps, you blink. âIâI meanâI still want to spend more time with you in the city.â
You press your lips together.
âAre you sure itâs nothing? We can always go out another timeâŠâ
âNo. I want today to be special, itâs our first date, after all.â You blush.
âAlright, Iâll believe you.â You say, smiling. âBut only if you eat, if not, weâll head back to the school!â
Maybe filling his stomach will ease his nerves, an empty stomach was never a good basis to make decisions on.Â
And yet, it simply made his uneasiness grow bigger, if not worseâlike he could puke at the mere thought of disappointing you, even when youâve consistently shown how happy you are with all that heâs done for you.
Or so thatâs how you wished to feel, because it wouldnât take long before you noticed Naoyaâs⊠distance. His prolonged silence that begun just after leaving the aquariumâthe now bane of your existenceâcompletely different from when the day began.
You didnât want to take this mishap and use it as fuel for your insecurities, but with nowhere else to go and no answers to obtain, it just happened. You simply⊠began to think that maybe, he didnât like you as much as you hoped.Â
Perhaps youâve come off too strong with him back then; or maybe youâre too weird for his liking, you shouldnât have gotten too comfortable with him too early in the relationshipâ
Not that it mattered anyway, because you were absolutely sure he was now considering not being with you anymore.
Evidently, the two were going through quite the emotional turmoil; but it wasnât until you realized that the time to return home was fast approaching that you decided to take the first step and end all confusions once and for all.
If the day was going to end like that, you might as well know why.
âNaâNaoya⊠did I do something to upset you?â
Naoya immediately blinks, snapped back to reality and startled by your bold accusation.
âNo?? Where is this coming from??â
âIâI donât know, I guess you⊠well, I just concluded that since you got all silent out of the sudden⊠it mustâve been because of me.â you quietly explained. âBecause I disappointed you.â
âI hope to never hear that from you ever again.â Naoya frowns, his stern reaction making you further embarrassed, avoiding his gaze subsequently. He sighs. âLool, Y/N⊠I didnât mean it that way.â
â...Just tell me. What did you not like about me? What is something I did?â
âAll youâve ever done is be perfect, so no.â
âThen what is it?â you ask once more. âIs it the assignment you told me?â
âNo, thatâs not it. Not at all.â Naoya quickly responds.
âThen tell me, please.â you breathe, getting desperate at the lack of answerâfor every denial felt as if the knife of his indifference twisted deeper and deeper into your heart. Inching you closer to the possibility of you being the cause of such distaste, he just didnât want you to make a scene. âIf itâs something I didââ
âSeriously, stop it already, Y/N!â Naoya gasps, immediately cupping your face and forcing you to see him. You try your best to avoid his gaze to befall your teary one, but ultimately you fail at his persistence. âWhat do I need to say to get through that stubborn little head of yours??â
ââŠThe truth, I guessâŠâ you sniffed, thereâs no point holding back the tears forming in your eyes anymore if they were already soaking your cheeks. â...What changed?â
Naoya swallows, already feeling like shit by having made you cryâa sight he will never forget, nor will he allow to occur once again by his own meritâworse when his heart just kept pounding loudly and painfully against his chest, a combination of his uncertainty when approaching the topic, and regret for your reaction.
But even then, he wholeheartedly prefers to deal with his embarrassment, than his guilt for having hurt the woman of his dreams.
The faster he mends this, the quicker youâll be back to the same bubbly girl he fell in love with. Or so, he hopes.
âThe truth is⊠Iâve been thinking about something. About that.â Naoya begins, voice trembling as he looks at you.Â
âI donât⊠follow.â you say.
He swallows once more.
âThe reason why Iâve been quiet is because I want to do something with you.â He quickly adds, itâs obvious by the way he speaks that heâs very nervous, fearful that you might judge him afterwards. But only if he knew⊠âI want⊠to⊠kiss you.â
âOâOh!â you gasp, and suddenly, everything seemed to make sense. âNaoya, is that whyââ
âYeâyeah. And I didn't know how to bring it up without making you uncomfortable.â Naoya explains. âThatâs the reason why I kept quiet. I⊠I never meant to upset you.â
âI⊠I didnât know you wereââ
âI knew it was a stupid idea, Iâm moving too fast, arenât I? You probably havenât even considering the ideaâforget I said anythingââ
âNo, Naoya, donâtâdonât say that.â you say, pulling his attention back to you. âBecause thatâs not true.â
âWhat do you mean?â
â...I guess I mean to say I⊠Iâve also considered it. I have also been thinking about it, quite often tooâŠâ you confess, embarrassed. âIâd be lying if I said otherwiseâŠâÂ
âY/NâŠÂ you mean to say you alsoâŠâ
âYâyeah, I mean⊠who doesnât want to kiss their boyfriend any chance they get?â you ask. âI just didnât bring it up because⊠well, I wasn't sure if you wanted to.â
âItâs all Iâve been dreaming of.â He reveals as well, your heart quickens once again. â...Did you hope it would happen today?â
âMâMaybe!â you shriek. âItâs not too soon, is it?â
âNo, I donât think so.â Naoya admits. âI think some might even say weâre running late.â
You frown. âNot that it should matter, itâs our relationship. Our decisionâand I⊠choose to wait if you so desire.â
âI donât want to wait anymore.â you say. âI⊠I want to kiss you.â
âThen letâs do itââ âBut what if you donât like it?â itâs your time to worry. âI⊠havenât kissed anyone else so I donât know what to doâŠâ
Naoya blinks. Did he hear that right? But far from being inundated with that peculiar rush most got in a situation like this, he was greatly worried about making this a moment youâll enjoy.
A moment he wonât ruin by his own inexperience.
âAm I to be your first?â
âI mean, I guess if you count that one time when I was 5âŠâ
âI donât like the thought of that.â Naoya frowns, jealous. You let out a breathy chuckle.
âIt was a silly bet, Naoya. Didnât mean anything.â But you still made the conscious decision to not tell him who it wasâif this is how he got at the mere thought of someone else kissing you, you could only imagine what heâd do upon learning it was actually Satoru all along. âNot when I only want you.â
Naoya swallows, his heart skipping a beat.
âThen⊠what are we waiting forâŠ?â
After a quick debate, the two end up settling for a small, nearby park to finally do what their heartâs desired, into a somewhat secluded eye where no one else would see them obnoxiously (but sweetly) try to kiss each other for the first time, yet intimate enough to persuade them into actually doing so.
Truth be told, the more you and Naoya realized how close you were to actually doing, the more⊠anxious you felt. To believe you were simply a few moments away from kissing your boyfriend for the first of many times⊠This might as well be your first kiss!
Might be Naoyaâs too.
âNânow what?â you whisper, unsure how to proceed, fidgeting with his fingers.
âIâI guess we kiss.â He swallows, gently squeezing your hands. âDo I just⊠lean?â
âYeâyeah.â You nod, cleaning up all the strands of hair that obstructed your face. âAnd I guess Iâll just⊠move to you.â
âOk.â He nods, taking one last deep breath. âThen⊠letâs do it.â
âŠ
âŠ
âŠ
âYou said you would lean down, Naoya.â
âI canât if youâre staring at me like that!â
âIâmâIâm not staring!â you cry back. âIâm justâIâm just being attentive!â
âYes you are, youâre looking straight at me with those big eyes of yours!â
âWhere am I supposed to look, then?! How am I supposed to know when to move??â
âNot me?? Close your eyes!â
âBut what if you bump into me?!â
Youâve unknowingly awoken a fear within Naoya, as if the worry of your approval wasnât enough.
âIâm notâIâm not going to bump into you.â He frowns. âWhy would you even suggest something so silly⊠Do you know how weird you look staring right at me?â
You frown.
ââŠYou didnât have to be rude about itâŠâ Naoya immediately regrets the way he spoke to you.
âNo, princess, I didnât mean to upset you.â He says, cupping your face once more. âThat was just my nerves talking.â
ââŠIâm nervous too.â
âI know, I know. But I still want this, more than anything in the world.â Naoya adds. âSo please⊠trust me. I promised to take care of you, didnât I?â
You smile softly.
âYou did.â
âThen just close your eyes and let me do everything else.â
âOâokayâŠâ you nod, sighing before eventually closing your eyes, trying your best to relax and prepare for the fateful moment that would mark the beginning of this beautiful relationship.
Unaware of Naoyaâs intent stares; it was almost ironic how he complained about your gaze when he was doing the very same thing nowâŠ
But he wasnât exaggerating when stating he really wanted this. In fact, he probably wanted this much, much more than you. To finally be connected to someone that would appreciate him for who he was, not for what he representedâŠ
Naoya never imagined a moment like this could ever happen with someone like him, like his family and itâs expectations.
Yet, itâs like he summoned you out of his thoughts and now, here you were, materialized before him and ready to give him all the love he deservedâthrough the adorable pout you were unwittingly doing, awaiting for his kiss, to the way you stood on your toes, your own way to help him out when he eventually leans down. Were you even aware of how adorable you were to him? If not, it just transformed his perception of you into something even lovelier.
«I wonât keep you waiting any longer» Naoya promises as he readjusted his gentle hold of your face, giving you one last smile before finally beginning to lean down towards you. Taking in your scent, your softness, your warmthâŠ
Closing his eyes when just a few millimeters away from your lips, preparing to take in your affection, and thenâ
He kisses you.
Carefully and sweetly, his world is suddenly filled with color when his lips finally touch your soft ones, the very sensation he always imagined youâd haveâno, this was much, much better than all he could conjure up.
It filled a void heâs been desperately craving to satisfy, the need to feel loved, cared for, neededâyou gave him all that with just a simple gestureâŠ
How could he not fall more in love with you? His life had become far more thrilling with you in it, and this was only the evidence of such.
And while it ended as a quick kiss, nothing short of inexperienced, found with some hesitance along the way⊠none of these things mattered in the bigger picture.
To you and Naoya, this was the official declaration of each otherâs love, leaning deeper into each otherâs embrace once eventually separated.
âSâsoâŠ? HowâHow was it?â you ask, doing your best to push down your heart from coming out your throat as you glanced up to him. âWasâwas it⊠good?â
âYeâyeah.â Naoya quietly admits, resting his head alongside yours. âIt⊠tasted like ramen.â
âYouâstop it! Be serious!â you fret, already a nervous mess when asking for his opinion, his comment simply made it worse!
But naturally, he was only making a slight jest of the moment, his instinctive reaction to trying to ease his jumping heart from bursting out of his chest, as youâd come to notice when placing your ear next to itâitâs the first time youâve ever heard such quickness coming from him⊠enough evidence to know he enjoyed it, much to your delight.
âI like it.â he confesses, you smile, leaning deeper into his chest. âIt was⊠much, much better than I expected.â
âI can hear that.â you giggle, hugging him tightly. â... I liked it very much too.â
âEnough to kiss me again?â he teases once more, you blush.
âI donât know if my poor heart can take it.â you jest back. âMy ears are ringing too.â
âWell, you know what they sayâthe more you keep doing something, the more comfortable you feel with it.â Naoya implicitly suggests.
âAre you sayingâŠâ
He nods. â...but only if you want⊠please.â
You grin.
After such a lovely date, and with so sweetly that he askedâŠ
You had no other option. Not that youâd have many once Naoya grew confident enough to kiss you over and over again later on, if anything, youâd soon find yourself begging him to give you a second to breathe. It would be a miracle if he even gave you a chance to speak in between kisses!
But oh, who are you kidding? Deep within, you knew you enjoyed it, always looking forward to the moment the love of your life would come rushing to steal all your kisses away, youâd probably wonât have any to share by the end of the year!
And you wouldnât want it any other way.
âBy the way, princess. Why didnât you want me to pick you up? It was nothing, you know? I couldâve easily gone to your house and done so.â
âWell, because I didnât want to inconvenience you.â you say, he frowns. âI know, you just said it wouldnât. But I also felt like taking the public transport, I havenât used it since we got out on holiday.â
âI donât feel comfortable with you taking the public transport, itâs⊠unbefitting for someone like you.â
âThe public transport isnât that bad, first of all.â You say, tightly holding his hand as the two headed towards the nearest station, time to head back home unless you wished to deal with an angry father. â...But if you really want to know⊠I didnât ask you to pick me up because I didnât want your motorcycle ruining my outfit.â
âRuinning your outfitâreally? Is that all?â He chuckles.Â
âHey, donât judge me! And besides, you should know too! Youâre quite cautious too, to put it one day.â
âI wasn't going to pick you up with the motorcycle, I have cars too, you know?â
â...A car?â you blink. âYou have a car too??â
âCars. Plural.â Naoya explains proudly. âI just choose whichever matches with what Iâm wearing.â
âNaoya, I knew you had money, but thatâs just ridiculous!â
âItâs our money now, actually.â He says. âAll that is mine is yours; so technically the cars are yours too.â
âNo Naoya, oh my god.â you gasp. âI canâtâI canât accept that! Just what did I get myself into?!â
âHmmm, I donât know, I guess the best time of your life?â
You blush.
âThat would be one way to put it, I guess.â You frown, making him laugh and subsequently press a kiss on your cheek, on your lipsâŠ
âAs long as youâre with me, youâll always have what you need.â He swears, pressing one last kiss on your knuckles. âWhatever you want, Iâll make sure you have it. And I wonât stop at any limit to achieve so.â
Whether he referred to love, or monetary possessions, both guided you to the same conclusion:
âI know.â
NGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Nothing was ever the same after that point; đ„ș I just... well, I hoped you liked it!! I wanted this to be as sweet and somewhat awkward as possible lol they're teenagers, after all; but not enough to ruin the experience. I hope I managed to convey that đ„č
Luckily I have another version of their first kiss so if you don't particularly enjoy this, there's always another đ but i'll get to that one eventually.
Now, take care, and hope you have a wonderful day!!
#naoya zenin#naoya zen'in#naoya x reader#naoya zenin x reader#naoya zenin x you#jjk naoya#naoya zen'in x reader#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you#prompt series: jujutsu kaisen
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Things I like abt every Side Order level track bc this is one of my fav OSTs of all time!!!
I have lots of thoughts abt the music in this game so Iâm gonna just spit all of them out in this one giant post :3 90% of this will make sense only to me, also keep in mind I have synesthesia so I mention colors a lot when I talk abt music. Iâm sorting these based on level type and talking abt each track individually.
d3mol12h
1. Simple and empty, much like the early levels! It creates a nice base to transition into the other tracks from. The detuning on the synths and ticking percussion remind me of a certain Purple Kiss song.
2. This track is genuinely beautiful. The organs (??) in the background give it an oddly emotional feel for such an intense song. The pinks and purples of the synths stand out well against the neutral colors of the in-game stages and enemies. Itâs like the musical embodiment of a noble sacrifice! Iâd put it on my nuzi playlist if it were on Spotify, smhâŠ
3. Now it really feels like the difficulty has ramped up! The drums here are really interesting, I love the syncopation on some parts. They were also present in the second version, but I didnât want to drag out the notes for that one any longer. The less intense parts are awesome, and I love how they get aggressively interrupted by the synths! It matches the gameplay very well.
rout1n32
1. Probably my least favorite track, but still pretty neat. I like how the same sample gets ârecontextualizedâ into different chords, if that makes any sense. It has a bright and sunny feeling to it!
2. Metal pipe falling sound⊠basically just a more intense version of the first track. I like those weird ascending sound effects, they remind me of bubbles. Theyâre also kinda weird rhythmically, making them a ton of fun to listen to! Thereâs a tiny little piano sample in a certain part of it that I just noticed, and I really like for some reason.
3. GOOD LORD this song sounds like pure fear and absolutely slaps. The metal pipe has been multiplied thousands of times. Definitely a good encapsulation of the emotions most players feel upon entering Cruel_Sisyphean_Eight-Shaped.Floor.
2ouv3n1r
1. Great use of emptiness. The vocal samples sound almost corporate, a great representation of the conformist world Order is trying to create. Almost puts you to sleep, much like the early âŸïž-ball levels do! Hardy har har.
2. The weird, distorted sounds, contrasted with the more relaxing parts with the lovely âwah-wahâ synths make this a natural transition between the first and third tracks. I love how the repeated violin and flute sounds make a return here, but with slightly more complicated parts!
3. This song is fascinating AND very stress-inducing! Itâs like the song itself is warning you about the 15 or so battering lentos currently trying to charge you. Watch out! Oh, and the less intense parts are GORGEOUS!!! The transition from a yellow to pink key reminds me of a beautiful tropical sunset. The subtle guitar part really adds to the vibe, and the descending chords are the perfect cherry on top for a lovely listening experience. They also contrast the rising synths of the chaotic parts well! Itâs like a wink to the camera, a sly reminder that these tougher âŸïž-ball levels are way easier than they look. Good lord I wrote for a long while on thisâŠ
j1tt3r2
1. Hmm, I donât have much to say about this one, but I definitely like it a lot. The repeated piano samples feel almost awkward, like when youâre trying to explain your thought process to someone. Some parts of this song almost seem like miniature versions of the more ambient segments of the third track. Pretty neat!
2. I love just how weird the percussion on this is, itâs like itâs bouncing back and forth. The piano sample becomes more chopped up, and some of the beeping sounds that are more prominent in the third track start coming in, like the seeds are being planted for them.
3. Lovely intro! The abrasive synths quickly lead into another odd piano sample, like youâre swaying back and forth in a precarious spot. Almost like a more relaxed version of the vibe created by the percussion! I love the echoey ambient part in this too! Thereâs a certain element that sounds like someone coughing, which may sound very weird but I mean that as a compliment. The bleeps and bloops make me think of an old Game & Watch game.
j32t1ng
1. Some of the effects sound like dogs and cats to me. It makes the panicking alla mambos feel like skittish little animals, which they sort of are. The ascending beeping sounds are reminiscent of the player chasing them down. I really like the typewriter (??) sounds too! What is it with this game and abnormal percussion? Iâve gotten so much inspiration!
2. The animal-like sounds are still present. Some of the bitcrushed sounds remind me of the noises the enemies make. The meandering but relaxed melody in the beginning always feels fitting when Iâm surveying the stage and planning out how Iâll achieve the objective.
3. I love this song! It just feels so cute and silly! The orchestra hit sounds are really neat. I like how the melodies often sound like circus music. I sure feel like a clown chasing down these stupid fish⊠the cute vibes of this song definitely make its levels feel like just a fun little game, which they certainly are! This has got to be one of my favorite tracks.
Alright thatâs the end of my absurdly long post, if anyone wants to hear me rant abt the boss music just let me know because Iâve got plenty of thoughts on that too.
#please read this I spent way too long on it#mollyâs manic meows#splatoon#side order#splatoon 3#splatoon 3 side order#music#music nerd#music analysis#video game music#music lover#video game soundtracks#video game osts#splatoon music
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Mike around El and his very obvious Not-Crush
I want to start this off with a disclaimer: I interpret Mike as gay, so this analysis and the points Iâll bring up were written with this in mind. Now, letâs begin!Â
Since my first watch, I always thought it was kind of weird-funny how Mike never showed any kind of shyness towards El, unlike the other boys, who the audience and characters in-universe never think of as having a crush on El.Â
So they know El is a girl pretty early on, so when she first goes home with Mike and he lends her dry clothes, everyone freaks out when she tries to change right there in front of them. Pretty normal reaction for anyone, especially 12 year old boys! So, even in the middle of their freak out, Mike remains as the most well composed of the boys.
He doesnât turn around, instead, is quick to stop her, even reaching out towards her arms, and explain she should change in the bathroom, because, well, privacy.Â
He even guides El towards the bathroom door, and we know that he tries to close it but El stops him. So, he understands, sheâs still scared, and again, explains she can keep it mostly closed, leaving a small gap open so she feels safer.Â
And then Mike goes to talk with Lucas and Dustin, who are still freaking out and talking about how sheâs crazy, Lucas remarks âShe tried to get nakedâ and Dustin makes the same hand gesture three times to really drive his point across.Â
And Mike? remains calm, really, his head is elsewhere, not stuck on the fact that a random, weird girl tried to change her clothes in front of them. Instead, his gears are turning, heâs already coming up with a plan so they can stay out of trouble, so she can be safe, and they can keep looking for Will: El has to stay the night, which Dustin finds insane.
So, I first interpreted these kind of scenes as Mike being the more mature one of the boys. He NEVER goes âbut sheâs a girl!â the other characters are the ones who keep pointing that out to him. But really, Mike just treats her like a human being (and then he discovers she has superpowers).Â
And really, itâs funny how fascinating they keep finding this, but not surprising. Again, this is a normal reaction! thatâs why I thought Mike was just the logical, more mature one. But thatâs not really why: he just never made a distinction or a big fuss to separate THEM, boys, and El, a GIRL, until later on when people kept bringing that up. For Mike, El was just another kid just like them, he shows her his house, his TV, his toys, and has no issue getting close and just treating her like another friend.Â
Thereâs another reason that points to the Duffers being aware of what theyâre trying to do. Itâs subtle if youâre not looking for it, and really, it just flies under most peopleâs radars, including our own!Â
So we all know this scene, right? Â
The first instance of Mike being directly told he has to have a crush on her, because⊠he is nice to her, and sheâs a girl. So, clearly. And then the bullies arrive, call Will homophobic slurs and Mike gets hurt, we know how that one goes. But you know the scene that plays directly before this one?Â
Itâs Nancy. Theyâre making fun of her/shaming her because she hooked up with Steve, and we know how this plot goes too: the girl is slut-shamed and the boy is praised/admired for âgettingâ her. Nancy is worried because she left Barb alone and the next thing she knows, her friend is missing too. And she doesnât feel guilty just because she dismissed Barb, she feels shame, and the kind of comment sheâs receiving just adds to the guilt.Â
And all this? itâs part of heteronormativity too, and all its social standards of whatâs expected of people based on their gender and sexuality. Nancy? A slut for hooking up with Steve. Will? probably killed for being gay! The boys? get bullied just as Lucas is hugging Mike, even if itâs part of a joke. Mike? must like El, because he is a boy who is nice to her, and sheâs a girl! See where Iâm going?Â
Next scene Iâm going to talk about is this one:Â
And⊠Itâs a great scene, really. But nothing about it is romantic. The boys help El dress up, and Mike even does her makeup and doesnât mind! and, Iâm sorry, but what 12 year old with a crush is NOT nervous to be that close? heâs just 100% concentrated in what heâs doing.
And then El comes out, full makeover, and Mikeâs reaction is just very sweet and genuine. Dustin hesitates: âShe looksâŠâ and Mike immediately goes âprettyâ. Now, some people interpret this scene as Mike finally Realizing El is Actually a Girl. I both agree and disagree.Â
I agree because thatâs how it probably goes for Mike, just now in the sense most people expect. We should keep in mind the previous scenes: Mike is now aware of what other people think/what is expected of him. So he goes âprettyâ, and oh, no, sheâs a Girl, I canât say that! theyâre going to think I have a crush on her! â...pretty goodâ saved it:) but wait. That just makes it look even more like a crush! So maybe it is a crush, right? So, I think of this scene as the moment of Mike deciding that yeah, it must be a crush, making now a distinction between âfriendâ and âgirlâ.
Other people have mentioned how particular this choice is: why would they have Mike next to El in the mirror? in the same scene where sheâs presenting herself as Actually a Girl for the first time, wearing a pink dress, next to Mike, a Boy, who is even wearing blue! I donât even think this analysis classifies as far-fetched for the same reason I mentioned earlier: the themes of the show are clear since the beginning, and plots like Nancyâs, Willâs, and later on Elâs (and Max's) support that. Mikeâs, however? it comes across as subtle (because really, itâs not), but itâs always been there, and the way the Wheelers are portrayed as a family confirms that too.Â
 I donât think he consciously makes the choice to pretend, more like it makes sense for him too, and the future events of the show just keep reinforcing this idea: sheâs a girl with superpowers, who saves him and his friends many times, and people keep telling him he likes her! why wouldnât he like her? And then thereâs also survivorâs guilt but uhh⊠Letâs not go there, thatâs another whole analysis.Â
Itâs now time to talk about my least favorite topic: mlvnâs kisses. They have never been portrayed as genuinely romantic to me, even if I did think the snowball one was sweet when I first watched it. But thatâs the thing: itâs cute, I guess, but itâs just there like a point you have to mark as done in a checklist. Entirely different to Lucasâ and Maxâs scenes: Lucas hesitates when he asks Max to dance, and heâs clearly nervous, exhaling before asking, and their kiss is awkwardly endearing, genuine, and realistic for their age unlike anything in Mike and Elâs relationship and⊠The beginning of s3 is proof of that. Itâs almost like theyâre kissing to prove a point: El is older now, and Mike is her boyfriend, they kiss like in the soap operas! (for Hopperâs and the audienceâs dismay) and for Mike, well, El is his girlfriend, thatâs what heâs supposed to do, right? (as he takes her hands off him).Â
Going back to the snowball, Mike plays the âdateâ role too perfectly. He does exactly what he should: he tells El she looks beautiful and asks her to dance, again, no hesitance. They dance and he kisses her⊠You guessed it, no hesitance. You could argue that itâs because itâs not their first thing, but the thing is⊠That one was a mess. It was out of nowhere, after talking about being family, as if Mike suddenly thought âyeah I think I should do thisâ and went for it. And⊠Did El even know what a kiss was?Â
Anyway, back to s3. They break up and all that, supernatural shit happens and oh! Mike tells a whole room of people that he loves El! how can that not be proof that he at least has a crush? well. Because Mike is not lying, just as he wasnât lying when he called her pretty. He does love her, wants her to be safe because sheâs his friend, and feels responsible for her safety (for many reasons). The thing is⊠Mike is aware of the Implications of the word.
He is being honest. Heâs also confusing his feelings for romantic ones, just like he has since mid-s1. Whatâs the difference between the âilyâ plot in s3 and in s4, then? wouldnât that just be a repeat of the same?Â
No. This is a point of debate and I know we have different opinions on âWhen Did Mike Realizeâ, but for me, the contrast between this plot in s3 vs s4 is that s3 Mike is unaware, while in S4 heâs IS aware Throughout s3 (and before) he genuinely thinks his feelings are romantic. Until THIS happens
 âŠand suddenly heâs confused, thinking it makes no sense. I choose to interpret it this way because itâs supported by the S3 script, which portrays Mike as confused and wondering what is wrong with him. This wouldâve been a great moment to portray Mike as endearingly nervous/shy: theyâve been broken up and it seems like no one had said anything that hinted at a romantic relationship during that time. If Mike had romantic feelings for El, he shouldâve been thrilled, but he doesnât move, doesnât close his eyes, doesnât even smile. But itâs not disgust, itâs confusion. Heâs starting to question things. To what degree? we do not know.Â
We can, however, infer from the events of S4 that he knows something.Â
The airport scene is as sad as it is funny, because this is probably the first instance in the whole show that we see Mike Wheeler acting nervous-shy in the way you would in front of a crush:Â
(Exhibit A)
(Exhibit B)
ok, Mike, Will didnât imply otherwise? are you trying to convince him or yourself?Â
(Exhibit C)
(Exhibit D)
This whole conversation is so insane because everyone is so focused noticing Willâs crush that they miss Mikeâs behavior? Mike, who during this conversation hesitates a lot, chooses his words carefully, exhales, you can see him swallow and just. He looks more nervous here than in the entirety of ALL his scenes with El on the show.
I could keep going on about s4, really, because thereâs a lot to unpack there. But this is getting too long!
#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#anti mileven#gay mike wheeler#st analysis#stranger things#mike wheeler i know what you are#i spent way too long on this analysis please give it a like/rb if you read it or talk to me about your opinion#always happy to discuss about gay mike wheeler
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Hello! iâm not dead!
i have been working on developing my very own human Bill! AUâŠ.
basically i thought âhey wouldnât it be funny if human Bill Cipher got like really into lepidopterology?â and it kinda spiraled from there
(aka i have like 5 entire pages of handwritten lore that needs to go somewhere other than my brain).
lots more to come (hopefully) but check under the break for some character concept art
oh also this takes place 4 years post Weirdmageddon
#gravity falls#Metamorphosis AU#artists on tumblr#fanart#art#digital art#stanley pines#bill cipher#stanford pines#mabel pines#dipper pines#pines family#human bill cipher#gravity falls au#please donât let this flop#i spent way too long on this#could turn into billford who know?#i do#iâm the author#i wonder if anyone reads these#if you canât tell i do fuck with twink! bill#sorry#not really all that sorry though
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Do you know of any good booster gold reading lists for a beginner to his comics? You're converting me
I've made a few videos about with reading lists for him on tiktok they're in my comic recommendations playlist but also like I fully understand not wanting to open that app
there's this thread on twitter that gives specific issues so you don't have to read decades of comics this is a good way to get an idea of the character quickly. It's a fast way of reading but I find the skipping between books tedious and not as much fun
there's also this very helpful very exhaustive spreadsheet of every appearance of Ted and Booster! Very helpful, but you don't have to read everything for sure
And then I'm going to put my own personal reading list under the cut and it's a lot so remember you don't have to read everything and there's no shame in skipping around!
Must reads
Booster Gold 1986â This is the first appearance of Booster Gold, obviously you've gotta read it. It's only 25 issues and is legitimately such a fun and interesting read. The way information about him is slowly revealed is good I wish I could have been there when these were releasing
Justice League International/Americaâ some people read this as they read Booster Gold (refer to the twitter thread I linked if you want to do that) I didn't and I wasn't confused when reading it. I kinda like reading it all without switching to the other book. This is a huge stretch of comics and I'm not saying you should read it all... but I'm also saying it's a very good era of comics and I enjoyed it a lot. If you only want Booster related issue refer to the spreadsheet.
Countdown to Infinite Crisisâ woah big skip in time! Let's just say after JLA ends Booster and the team have a... controversial stretch of appearances. Countdown is just one big long single issue and it's beautiful, gotta read it.
The OMAC Projectâ this is the fallout of countdown and I really enjoy Booster being angry and it helps set up Infinite Crisis which I guess you should also read but I'm really take it or leave it with that event.
52 weeksâ (not to be confused with new 52 I made that mistake) This book works surprising well for having four authors and so many characters to juggle. Booster is a huge player in this event and it's very enjoyable to read as a fan of him. This event also leads directly to his second solo
Booster Gold 2007âthis shit fucks so hard!! I love Booster as "the greatest hero you've never heard of" he has so much character growth, fun stories, and an amazing supporting cast! The numbers can be weird if you're read it on a certain pirating website so start with 1 through 6 then go to 0 back to 7 through 10 then issue one million then back to 11
Justice League Generation Lostâthis is basically the new JLI but with Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle because Ted is gone. It's a very fun dynamic with this new old team and it works so so well especially Booster and Jaime's friendship. This one I do recommend reading with the Booster Gold solo so after issue 32 of Booster Gold, start Generation Lost and basically switch back and further every issue
Please Read Them For Me
Extreme Justiceâ this is an aggressively 90s run and is largely ignored by the comic community and canon BUT I SWEAR IT'S GOOD! Booster is essentially in an iron lung and he is not handling it well. Booster got flattened by JLI quite a bit and I really do think this run added some depth back to him
Time Masters 1990âBooster is barely in this, but trust me Rip Hunter is important and it's a very fun and interesting time travel adventure with a really cool group of characters
Time Masters: Vanishing PointâNo connection to Time Masters 90 except that Rip is here. But Booster has a lot of really good moments in this. Ignore the Batman bits this is truly just a story about Rip and Booster
Origin Story revisited
(Both BG 86 and BG 07 establish and revisit the origin story so you'll get to them as you're reading)
Secret Origins 1986 #35âhonestly a pretty standard origin story but I really like how this story highlights Booster's relationship to his mom and sister
Justice League Quarterly #10âI hope you're reading the quarterly and annual issues when reading JLI because they are some of the best stories but this one in particular is just beautiful
Action Comics 2016 #993-998 (Booster Shot)â Really this is more of a funny action packed and surprisingly heartfelt team-up time travel adventure with Superman and Booster, but this does provide additional context to Booster's origin story and I like it a lot. This story is really really so good
Just Plain Fun
Martian Manhunter #24â Booster and Ted steal all of J'onn's. oreos. this is an incredibly iconic issue, it's hilarious and just the kinda hijinks you want from the boys
Blue and Goldâ I personally think this run is deeply out of character and a little too "lol memes" for me, but it does have some good like Trixie coming back and seeing Ted and Booster together again
Blue Beetle 2023âissue 7 is the main Booster story but he has other appearances in this run read the whole thing it's short and so good actually just read every blue beetle solo. It's a really visually beautiful time travel story and I love Booster and Jaime being friends even now that Ted is back
Batman Brave and the Bold #13-15â it's a fun time shenanigans story with the Jurassic Justice League what's not to love
DC's 'Twas the 'Mite Before Christmasâ a cute christmas story with Booster and Rip and what I cling to in hopes that Rip will return to DC comics soone
Harley Quinn 2016 #70-74â this is a controversial take but I like Booster and Harley together, as a temporary couple at least and definitely as friends and partners in being silly. This story gives Booster an unexpected amount of emotional intelligence and it's nice
#booster gold#ted kord#blue beetle#rip hunter#dc comics#comic recommendations#comic reading list#please reblog i spent way too long on formatting
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A scene in @holleighgram's Life Long Strangers fic that I really liked!
[ID: A drawing of Sora and Riku from Kingdom Hearts dancing and singing together, holding hands as they do so. Sora is looking up at Riku while Riku's eyes are closed as he dances. Sora is wearing a red hoodie with black accents, grey basketball shorts and red converse with the Kingdom Hearts heart and crown logo in place of the converse logo. Riku is wearing white and black shirt, black skinny jeans and black converse with the same logo as Sora's in place of the converse logo. He is also wearing a black wristwatch.
The background consists of dark pink with warmer light pink light behind Sora and a cooler light pink behind Riku. There are numerous semi-transparent hearts scattered in the background. The lyrics
âItâs not enough to take the one you love for granted!âÂ
are in the background as well.]
#kh#my art#digital art#fanart#soriku#sora#riku#(please read this fic omg)#(its so fun to read and it gets sora and rikus dynamic so fucking well!!!)#(its just fun and sweet and aaaaaa)#(i love the fic a lot and i need more people who i can talk about it with)#(so if possible)#(please read it so i can talk about all the ways i love it to you-)#(it was super fun drawing riku and sora like this!!)#(but also)#(fuck their hair)#(i took a solid few minutes just trying to find references and figure out their hair in a side profile)#(note to self: practice drawing more spiky hair)#(the hands are something were not gonna talk about okay?)#(i spent too long on them and i think theyre... good enough)#(it was fun drawing the two in much simpler designs)#(even if it took all my will power not to add some decals to rikus shirt)#(but yeah)#(im pretty happy with this!!)
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i've been sitting on this post for a few days now and it's literally just, me making assumptions about kudos i've noticed on fics lately (particularly aci since i've been checking that fic every week for book club these past few months) and this'll make me seem more insane than i already come off but by this point. how much lower can i go?
just going from top to down as of today.
[ShibaLee] i know you from your art on here!! tumblr user shibaleeart i'm happy to see more people in potentially enjoying the stories this fandom has to offer :>
[reiscm] shizuchansmilk?? what are youuu doing here? i didn't know you read shizaya fic tbh and i was surprised to see you here suddenly, relatively recently too. does that mean you just started the fic then?? after at least a year of being in the fandom right? maybe this wasn't from your first time reading it (same) but at the very least it shows you visited it not too long ago⊠i may be delusional in thinking i could be a contributing factor there because, why now? it's not like i'm the only aci advocate out there but i've probably been the most vocal about it around this time soo⊠well whatever it is, hope you had fun with it! i'm so curious what drrr comedian shizuchansmilk thinks about hit fanfiction a cheap imitation đïž
i'm also recognising some of the other names around here like [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] even though i haven't the faintest idea who they might be. i've just been seeing them lately across different shizaya fics which probably means these are the people doing their shizaya fic dive around this time. i have nothing more to add there i just, think it's cool noticing the same names across fics like yeah, we all feasting on the shizaya tag rn.
[ya_boi_twink] it took me a second to recall where i'd recognised your name from and then it hit me. i knoooow you! tumblr user yaboitwink in my notifs⊠i appreciate you, and i'm glad you liked the things i made for it c:
[bun_o_ween] oh i know you're here because of mr crapo. i hope you guys had fun with it! i wanna take the chance to also admit that like. the moment i found out you were that sebastian writer i experienced the wildest sense of deja vu. because. i had seen your name on ao3 before. but when i checked your fics there was no way i'd read a fic from you?? so then i realised i must have recognised you... through other kudos on other fics??? dude. i must sound crazy, i have no way of proving this because i actually don't remember what fics these were i just vaguely remember it was either bsd or tgcf? that i was looking at fics for, trying to find something to sate my hunger at the time. and i just remember, noticing your name across like a few of these fics in a row and thinking "heh someone else has been going down the same rabbit hole" AND NOW I SEE YOU AND CRAPO OF SHIZAYA FANDOM HITTING IT OFF it was surreal. like. my awareness of you had zero to do with black butler, i could not have predicted that you would have been the random ao3 user i'd seen apparently enjoying some of the same fics i was not too long ago. wow.
there are like two separate flamingo related names around here [niceflamingo] and [flamingoo] which doesn't mean anything but for some reason they are standing out enough for me to want to mention them. i feel like i've seen ao3 user flamingoo in the kudos of some other fic before but idk.
[Luzki] omg hey!! twitter artist vi_138_ woah hiii funny seeing you here :0 especially like. not so long ago? since i'd imagined you would've been aware of the fandom for a while since you seem more invested in the alts than shizuo and izaya in particular? well it was cool seeing that you'd read this one, i hope ya had fun!
[frogsarefriends] right under that is artist hallucxnating >:O i know they've read the fic already but it was cool to actually recognise their kudo down here, especially since it's like. not recognisable just from the name alone, but you've shared links to this ao3 as your writing so now i know it's you. my impression is that you came into the fandom through slavhew since, i'd connected the dots at some point that you two were friends which. made a lot of sense since i noticed you both started being active around here at the same time lol. but hey!! welcome to the club :D
[7FlyingPancakes7] this is one of the ones i'd noticed earlier on during book club, i distinctly remember checking a chapter while walking home one night (because i do that i guess) then BAM what the hell?? i just see tumblr user mari-lair's ao3 appear down there, totally out of nowhere for me. for context this was a writer from the tpn fandom i recognise from like 4 years ago? idk it's been a while, i didn't talk to them much but they were active in the fandom at the time so i'm familiar with their name. i haven't been keeping up with them but last i'd seen they seemed to be into tbhk with no indication as far as i was aware that they'd shown any interest in shizaya. nothing wrong with that it was just unexpected, so i was just like woah!! how did you get here? i am so curious how they may have come across this fic, was it some rec from a friend? how familiar are they with shizaya? how invested were they in the story and characters? enough to go down more of shizaya's greatest hits? anyways, that was just a fun little small world moment for me.
[psych0tastic] hey isn't thisâŠ. axietoh? like, the artist who used to draw shizaya like 5 years ago? what are they doing here so high up the list? đ€ i have no clue lol i still follow them because i really like their art style but i hadn't noticed their interest in shizaya resurfacing... i suppose they just haven't been too active on these socials in general. anyways their name stood out to me and i was like, waitâŠ.. well it's a shocker seeing their name so high up here, were they reading this fic for the first time there or were they revisiting it and happened to have not kudo'd it until then? well anyways, it's nice to see they've revisted the fic within the last two years at least :0 that's cool to me.
[MiyukiWynter] dude i was feeling crazy just now trying to figure out where i'd recognised this name from because i'd swwooooorn i'd seen it from somewhere like as someone on twitter?? i think i was mixing them up in my mind with unrelated (as far as i'm aware) twitter user miiyankhr but turns out they're someone who's fics i've seen in the tags before. i haven't read them myself but apparently they just posted a new one two days ago so that's crazy.
[Dodomka] heyyy it's dodo from twitter, hellooo ïżœïżœïżœ they've been the biggest supporter for my deep in the sauce fic tweets and for that i appreciate them very much :3 didn't expect to see them here tbh i wasn't aware of when they'd first read the fic but as i was expanding the list a few times to write up this post i noticed their name here and just thought that was neat. shout-out to them!
[mochi010] there's a user named mochi that has shown up in my twitter notifs somewhat regularly and they have nothing on their account so i have zero clue what they might be like outside from that they've been liking my shizuo and izaya retweets. their handle isn't even mochi so i have very little reason to believe this could be them but idk, maybe? no conclusion has been made here. well i already spent time writing and cleaning up the paragraph, guess i'm leaving it in.
shout-out to [ouiouipussay] and [ramenflavorpacketsnorter420] just for having some names that stand out lol. i don't recognise you from anywhere but, i guess now i will if i ever come across those names again.
[Stupidusernamepolicy] i struggled to find you amidst all these names for the writing of this post đ had to ctrl+f that shit. but i remember seeing your name here while i was going through the list some days before and being like "oh hey!! it's slavhew :)" but okay there's actually a tangent i've been wanting to go on from here.
outside of aci i've actually been noticing you and hallucxnating double duo'ing under some fics together, like after the story era which i'd reread after hallu reminded me of its existence in a reply, and also sacramental which i had reread because of your reply, lol. i find this quite funny, just like. this visual representation of you two reading and recommending fics with each other. then you talk about it on twitter and more people like me are visiting this fic too. chain reaction of sharing stories :)
ALSO [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] spotted down here in some of these kudos too!! that's craazy. wow. i tell you guys i'm recognising these names i'm not just crazy đ
[NotElectricT] this took me a second to dig up again since it's quite buried down that list at this point but the plan i'd had in mind for this post was to end on this one since i saw them kudo it right in front of me (through the vc stream) and i didn't think this post would get as long as it did but... well i already wrote it đŹ but yeah, this is my good friend note! check out this art they made for, still one of their favourite chapters, sharks fly. it's sandwiched in between some squid game au they made for a gift exchange for me..... it's a long story i don't wanna talk about it (embarrassing......)
but what i do wanna talk about!! is how note (referred to as "patient zero" regarding aci book club by the only other patient lol) just decided to read this fic completely of their own volition?? i didn't tell them to do that and for sure didn't expect them of all people to try reading it, ever (they're not really a fic reader) but they just did that, two years ago. and that was like, insane to me at the time because it's seriously so out of their depth guys they don't do enemies to lovers.... they still don't lol. but i was insane about this fic back then with no one to really be insane about it to so i just yelled about it to these friends out of context and i guess???? that was convincing enough to get this one to start the longest fic they'd ever read đ
i had much fun having someone experience the fic i'd been insane over..... like i'm smiling about it rn thinking about the time i did a live reading of the chainsaw man (as i like to call him) chapter which was so fun i kinda forgot i had a hamilton musical i was supposed to watch that evening... that was awkward. and other chats we exchanged regarding the fic (they were reading chapters whenever they felt like it which i enjoyed because i like pacing these things out) but for some reason (i think things just happened around the time that disrupted the momentum) they never made it past chapter 26 đ which was tragic to me but oh well....
well i'm am even more insane about this fic now because of this convoluted chain of events that gradually built and cascaded me towards whatever the fuck i'm doing now!! god. i've never made so much, anything, like ever. until now. because both note and rosa (who has not kudo'd this fic as far as i'm aware lol) made the decision beyond my expectations to commit to, a book club. which i organised. and i've been having a lot of fun! so much fun, there's all this wild "marketing" stuff i've been churning out in record fucking time by my standards. i've never felt so creatively fulfilled dude, never finished a thing in my life until these past few months. so that's awesome, and it's in large part because of note having committed to this fic again. so that's some of the story behind that one kudo haha.
and now we're at chapter 49, we're supposed to be talking about it tomorrow, which is today by now since it's 1 am but uhhhhhhh writing is so hard. i was supposed to just be cleaning up this draft i'd written like 5 days ago? i am now very hungry. there's actually more i'd drafted up from here just from more names i recognised as i kept expanding the kudo list that day buuuut i'm fuckeeeen cutting this off right here. i need to stop. the end.
#durarara#i said a thing#if you've kudo'd aci within the past year and you think i'd recognise your name there's a good chance you're in this#this post is adhd as fuck holy shit#well#if anyone has read a single entire paragraph of it thanks :)#too much time spent writing something no one will read?? but idk someone might??? ughhhh#i will maybe go back through to hyperlink more of the artists and writers i mention here#idk#we'll see haha i'm huuuuungry i need to eat something#if you enjoyed reading any of this i'd appreciate letting me know because i did spend way too long writing it for real đ#but it's fine what's done is done#getting it out noooooooow#nevermind i spent another half hour formatting the images#i needsta to get diahnosed#i had the briefest mention of actual twitter user miiyankhr in between stupidusernamepolicy and notelectrict#just acknowledging that i saw their actual name in the list#but i cut it because it was literally a sentence or something and this post is already ridiculously bloated#gonna eat now bye please post don't fucking breaaaaak i will die
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"creature of myth."
pairing: vampire!gojo x fem!human!reader summary: when you receive an offer of marriage from a mysterious wealthy lord, itâs too good a deal for your family to turn down. but nothing could be so perfect... right? content: MDNI (18+Â ONLY), dark content, nsfw, gets dubcon/noncon in some spots, yandere behavior from gojo, implied death/k*lling of a character (not reader or gojo), arranged marriage, victorian au, plot that ends with porn lmao, spooky dooky vibes, blood, blood sucking/eating, praise, biting, unprotected sex, creampie, virgin!reader, discussion of virginity, cherry popping, pain, pet names (princess/love), reader is highkey clueless about sex, discussion of masturbation, ideas of masturbation as âsinfulâ, very minor religious themes, fated âmatesâ, gojo is highkey insane, coercion and manipulation, like SO much neck kissing, ooc gojo??? (had to alter his character to match a victorian vampire lord LMAO). a/n: PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS. THERE IS DARK CONTENT AHEAD. is this a gojo fic or a twilight fic?? Going back to my roots fr fr. straight down to the âSAY IT, SAY ITâ. this fic is also way too long my apologies bbs. i hope you like a hefty side of plot with your porn. parts of this fic feel way too cheesy to me but sometimes i eat that up, yk?? this fic was inspired by this amazing work by @rice5x ! and, finally, thank you all for the support on my most recent fics. i'm just getting back into being active on this blog and it's been amazing reading each and every comment/reblog/ask. they genuinely fill me with so much joy. keep them coming hehe. anyway, i hope you enjoy and remember, ALL AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED. credits: dividers by @cafekitsune. banner art by @ndsoda on twitter. wc: 11.6k (sowwy)
You remember perfectly the way your motherâs jaw dropped when Satoru Gojo proposed to you. Youâd never seen the man, and you still hadnât. Heâd asked to marry you via messenger, a simple letter delivered by hand with a list of all the things heâd be willing to pay for your hand. Offers of money, land, protection, connection- anything so long as he got you. Youâd thought it was a joke. Your father nearly took a shovel to the head of the poor messenger, thinking the letter was some kind of cruel prank, some sort of targeted disrespect. Youâd only started to believe when you really looked- saw the Gojo crest embroidered on the manâs suit, the fine leather of his boots. If it was a prank, somebody had spent a great deal of money and effort to pull it off.Â
Youâd asked for proof nonetheless, and youâd gotten it. Documents signed and sealed with a well-known waxen crest, gifts that could only have been purchased by a wealthy lord. The one thing you never got was the lord himself. He refused to see you, to come down from his mysterious castle on the hill. It didnât surprise you. He rarely deemed town worthy of his presence. He had a reputation as a recluse, as a man who only ever liked to see and never be seen. What little glimpses people got of him were usually through the dark window of his carriage. Still, his appearance preceded him. White hair, light eyes⊠âhauntingâ said those who had the luck to see him. Those who went to work for the lord tended to return⊠changedâ if they returned at all.Â
You accepted, of course. How could you not? You were a peasant family with no status or wealth to your name. The promises Lord Gojo had made would make your parents into aristocrats all on their own. But that left you wondering⊠why did he want you? You offered him no benefit. If anything, you sullied his bloodline. The question scratched at the back of your mind. It came to you while you ate breakfast, while you washed your clothes, while you weeded in the garden. Some part of you told you that you needed the answer before you ever stepped foot in that castle. You needed that answer, but youâd never get it.Â
Your wedding wasnât even a wedding- just a piece of paper that had already been signed and witnessed, once again delivered by a familiar messenger. You signed at your dining room table and⊠that was that. You were married.Â
Later that night the carriages arrive. Men flood your home, all dressed in blue velvet, the Gojo crest embroidered on their chests. They seem puzzled when you tell them youâve packed all your belongings into a measly three bags.Â
You say a quick goodbye to your parents, drawing them into stiff embraces. You love them, and they love you, but you canât bear to see their faces as they send you away to a man who couldnât even show his face for your wedding.Â
The carriage ride is somehow longer than youâd thought it would be- apparently, the castleâs size makes it seem deceptively close. The trip is rocky and twisty and altogether unpleasant as you steadily make your way toward the castle gates. By the time you reach them you think youâve probably dozed in and out of consciousness at least half a dozen times.Â
The castle is even more intimidating up close. Spires that swirl into the clouds, sculptures that stare, doors that look more suited to being locked than opened. Itâs⊠terrifying.Â
When you finally roll to a stop, you move for the door. When you swing it open you get your fair share of strange looks from your attendants and remember that you should have waited for the footman. Your face heats as you climb out anyway, unwilling to subject yourself to the further humiliation of waiting for assistance.Â
Your feet hit gravel and all you can do is stare- up, up, up, to where the castleâs peaks disappear into the fog. When your eye flashes to a window on the east side of the manor you think you see a swaying curtain. You tuck your arms around yourself and shiver, but itâs not from the cold.Â
You nearly stumble over your feet on your first step inside. The entrance hall is larger than your former house, with ceilings that stretch so high you can hardly make out the figures on the frescoes that adorn it. Silver and blue drape everywhere, the Gojo family colors. You swallow when you see a chair that is most definitely worth more than your familyâs annual income.Â
The floors are marble and when your worn heels clack against it, you only feel reminded that you donât belong here. That question pricks in your mind again as you pass portraits of every Gojo heir to have lived in the last three hundred years. Why me? Why me? Why me?Â
Your footman deposits you in your room, a place more lavish than youâve ever seen. You have a four poster bed with a canopy of blue velvet, a window that overlooks a sprawling estate, and more square footage than youâve ever dreamed of.Â
âPull this if you need any sort of assistance, maâam.âÂ
You turn to see your footman referencing a silver cord at your bedside. You assume itâs one of those contraptions that rings a bell in the servantsâ quarters. You try to hide your amazement- youâve never seen one in real life before.Â
You clear your throat and give your most ladylike nod. âThank you, um-â you pause, your brow furrowing. âIâm sorry, I donât think I asked your name.âÂ
Your footman appears stunned to silence, like heâd never expected you to care about his existence, much less his name. He recovers quickly, though, and forces a small smile. âThomas, maâam.â
You smile and itâs genuine. âThank you, Thomas.âHe bows and makes a beeline for the door, but you have one more question. âOh, um, Thomas-â He freezes, turning slowly on his heel to face you.Â
âYes, my lady?âÂ
You cringe at the title. The sound of it creeps across your skin, foreign and⊠wrong. Why me? Why me? Why me?
You clear your throat again. âDo you know, um, well-â You shift, trying to word your question properly. âDo you know when I might see the Lord?âÂ
There is a pause, a moment of tension and silence, and then an answer. âNo, my lady.â
Thomas does not stick around for more questioning. The door clicks shut behind him and then you're left with only the sound of retreating footsteps.Â
Youâre stunned to say the least, mouth still halfway open, more questions on the tip of your tongue. Should you seek him out? Was that proper? Would he come to you? Would he meet you for dinner, perhaps? Surely he would come to your room tonight to⊠consummate. Would that be the first time you lay eyes on him? When heâs over you?Â
You sigh. Thereâs nothing much to be done about it now. You find your way to the bed and sit down hesitantly. It feels like a crime to rumple such primped and polished cotton. You do it anyway- itâs going to happen sometime, right? You fall back against the mattress and donât fail to notice how utterly comfortable it is. The silvery patterns on your canopy swirl and bend together. Youâre tired. You didnât sleep much last night, anxious for the morning⊠and itâs only mid-afternoon now. You had time for a nap, right? Your eyes are closing before you can convince yourself itâs a bad idea and then youâre swept away into a world of warm darkness.Â
You wake with a start. Your first thought is that itâs dark now. Your room is pitch black except for the stream of moonlight passing through your stupidly large window. Your mouth feels dry and your skin is cold, like youâve just woken from a nightmare. If you have, you donât remember it. Perhaps thatâs a blessing.Â
You sit up, combing a finger through your hair and laughing pitifully when you realize that you left your shoes on as you slept. You hope Thomas didnât walk in to find you in yet another unladylike position. A glance at the foot of the bed reveals he might have. Your bags have arrived- all three of them. You eye them with a combination of longing and contempt. They don't match this place. Theyâre worn and used- everything here is shiny and new. Still, theyâre all you have, and all you have left of your life before. All you have left of home.Â
You stretch your arms above your head, nearly groaning at the burn in your muscles. The carriage ride did your body no favors and you suspect youâll be sore for many days to come.Â
You rise, no longer content to lie in bed. Youâve had your rest and, from the state of darkness outside, you suspect your new husband might be joining you soon. The thought twists a certain tightness into your gut, but you push it aside. If that was the price you paid for all he gave your family⊠then youâd pay it gladly.Â
You start with candles, finding a box of matches at your bedside. You light every candelabra you can find. The room, the castle, seems so perpetually⊠black- like it soaks up every ray of light it touches. Even when youâve finished it doesnât feel like enough. You make a note to ask Thomas for more in the morning.Â
You find a meal, carefully prepared and preserved, on a table near your dresser. Judging by the fact that itâs still warm, you conclude that it canât be much past mid-evening. You originally intend to pick at the food as you unpack, but one bite has your mouth watering. It is the most delicious thing to ever touch your lips, complete with dessert waiting on the side. You clean your plate before moving onto your bags.Â
You lay your clothes out on the bed. A few dresses, riding pants, undergarments, an assortment of ribbons and bows. At one time these items had been the finest things you owned- now you owned a castle.Â
You find an armoire that looks like a master sculptor carved its edges and grab a dress, intending to hang it. Instead, your dress hits the floor when you part the doors to find the hangers already full. Your lips part. Luxury dresses of silk and satin line the rack, fading into some that appear more casual outfits of cotton and linen. You stretch a hand out, curious and utterly⊠amazed. To think your new husband had gone to all the effort⊠Your hand brushes purple silk and-Â
âDo you like them?âÂ
You screech, jumping to face the voice at your back. It takes a moment for your eyes to find him, leaning casually against one post of your bed. Your breath is stolen for a second time. Snow white hair, piercingly blue eyes, pale soft skin⊠you know who he is even without looking at his dress, at the air of authority he claims. Heâs your husband⊠and he is the most devastatingly beautiful thing youâve ever seen.Â
He laughs, then, and itâs a warmer sound than youâd thought it would be- rich and full. A sound that seeps into your bones and settles in your soul.Â
âSorry. Didnât mean to scare you,â he says, but the twinkle in his eyes makes you think that perhaps thatâs a lie.Â
Your heart pounds and your eyes flash to the door. Itâs shut. You didnât hear it open, nor did you hear it close behind him. You also didnât hear footsteps, didnât hear breaths, didnât hear him.Â
He follows your gaze and laughs again, though it sounds a bit⊠strained?Â
âI have a habit of being unintentionally lightfooted. I apologize.âÂ
Your heart is still pounding but you find it in yourself to have some decorum. You snap your jaw shut and bow your head slightly in respect. âYou must be Lord Gojo. Forgive me for my insolence.âÂ
Thereâs a beat, and then footstepsâ ones you actually hear this time. You clench your jaw when he stops before you and then nearly gasp when he takes your hand and brings it to his lips.Â
âSatoru, please,â he winks and you think you might stop breathing. âI am your husband after all.âÂ
You force yourself to nod, to swallow, to act normal. But how can you in the presence of a man that looks like⊠that? Thereâs something too unreal about him, too perfect. Itâs almost⊠unsettling.Â
âOf course⊠Satoru.âÂ
He straightens and shows you a close-lipped smile that digs a dimple into his left cheek. You have to look away to avoid stumbling over your own feet.Â
âSo, do you like them?â Your brows furrow- âThe dresses,â he clarifies.Â
âO-oh.â Your features relax into an easy smile. You turn back to your armoire, running a hand along another gown. You donât think youâve ever touched something so⊠finely made. âI like them very much. I donât know how to thank you.âÂ
Thereâs a little chuckle as you turn to face him again and you have to steel yourself before you meet his eyes. Heâs mesmerizing, too mesmerizing. You think you could probably lose yourself in those eyes foreverâŠÂ
âNo need to thank me. If they donât fit, weâll call for the seamstress in the morning.âÂ
You nod softly, still lost to the situation. Thereâs a beat of silence in which your husband does nothing but⊠look at you. His eyes roam freely and the hair on your arms stands under his gaze. He traces the lines of your nose and jaw and lingers on your pulse. Can he see just how fast your heart is pounding?
âDid you⊠get dinner?â Itâs a stupid question, you know, but you donât think you can bear another second of that look heâs giving you. âI fell asleep and found a plate. I hope I didnât prevent a proper mealâŠâ You trail off. Perhaps you shouldnât have pointed out your own shortcoming?Â
He gives you another smile and you swear he inches just a little closer. âYou did no such thing. Iâm⊠perfectly satisfied.âÂ
You nod, glad that he doesnât seem upset at the very least. Your lips press together, unsure of what to do or say. Youâve never had a husband before. Wasnât he supposed to just sort of⊠put you on the bed and⊠do it?
Your eyes flit to said bed and your husband must see because he hurries to continue.Â
âWell, Iâll see you in the morning then, hm?â His eyes flit to your armoire and back again. âWear the blue dress with the lace to breakfast, yeah? Been dying to see it on you.â He chuckles like heâs just told some sort of amusing joke.
Your brows furrow. That was⊠not the topic youâd been expecting. âYouâre notâŠâ You feel your cheeks heat and tighten your jaw. âNot staying the night?âÂ
His lashes lower a fraction and those eyes pierce you again. You donât think you could move even if you wanted to, even with him prowling closer, each step eating up the space between you. He doesnât stop until youâre nose to nose and you can feel his breath fanning over your cheeks. Itâs cold somehow, chilling, and you shiver. He smirks.Â
âNot tonight.âÂ
His head dips and for a moment you think heâs going to kiss you, but then heâs bypassing your mouth altogether and- his lips connect to your pulse. His mouth is cool, just like his breath, and you shiver uncontrollably under his touch.Â
His touch is just a fleeting moment, just a wrinkle in time, and then heâs gone. His footsteps are quiet brushes on the hardwood and the creak of the door even seems tamed in his presence.Â
âGoodnight,â is all he says, and then heâs gone.Â
You climb into your bed an hour later wondering what in the world just happened.Â
~Â Â
You do wear the blue dress to breakfast and you can only gape in the mirror when you realize that it fits perfectly. It has you second-guessing yourself. Had you sent your measurements in advance and forgotten about it? No, youâd only sent a handful of pieces of information to the Lord prior to your marriage and you remembered all of them very clearly. Everything had gone through a messenger, everything had been clear and directâ you would have remembered sending your measurementsâ you didnât. So had he just⊠guessed?Â
That seemed impossible with how everything fit you like a glove, but it was the only explanation you had. The only one that made sense.Â
When you join Satoru for breakfast itâs in a sitting room as lavishly decorated as the rest of the castle, but perhaps organized to be a bit more⊠liveable. He has no plate in front of him, only a tin cup that hides the contents of whatever heâs drinking. You assume coffee or juice. Perhaps heâs just not a breakfast person.Â
âIt fits!â he says. His hands clasp together in front of him and he smiles again, dimples and all.Â
You nod and fight the heat that bubbles beneath your cheeks as you take your seat. âYes, perfectly.â
A plate is set before you and a glance up reveals itâs Thomas serving your breakfast. You smile, hoping for some acknowledgement from him, for a small piece of comfort. Instead, you get his averted gaze and quick retreat. Your brows furrow, but before you can say anything, Satoru is back to speaking.Â
âI hope Thomas treated you well yesterday?âÂ
You glance up, but Satoruâs eyes arenât on you, theyâre on your footman. His smile is bright, but itâs anything but friendly. You fight a shiver.Â
You glance at Thomas. Heâs perfectly still, perfectly straight, but you think you see a muscle clench in his jaw. You clear your throat. âY-Yes. Thomas was very helpful.â When Satoru keeps staring the boy down you add, â-and very respectful.âÂ
That seems to satisfy. Satoru breaks his stare and some of the tension in the air instantly eases. He shoots you another dimpled smile, this one with a little more warmth. âPerfect.âÂ
Thereâs a beat and then heâs standing, draining whatever he has in his cup and then straightening his jacket. âWell, I have some work to do. Iâll see you for dinner?â Heâs grinning again, like itâs so normal for a man to abandon his bride on their wedding night and then again the morning after. All you can do is nod. He chuckles. âSee you then, princess.â And then heâs gone.
~
If this is to be your life you don't know how you will survive it. You spend the day milling about. Through the gardens, through the castle, through the stables. Thomas is never far behind, but any attempt at conversation is nipped in the bud by hit shortness. Itâs like he fears coming too close. Heâs never closer than a couple paces except when he has to bring you something, only to retreat again as soon as possible. The other servants barely pay you any mind apart from giving you a respectful greeting and then immediately averting their eyes. There is no work to be done, no guests to be had, no parties to plan⊠and no Satoru. You donât see your husband once on tour around the grounds. You ask Thomas where his office is only for him to vaguely point out a window in the east tower. You donât see so much as a ripple in the curtains.Â
Dinner comes around at the pace of a snail. When itâs finally time to get dressed a ladyâs maid whose name you donât even catch arrives to help you lace your dress. As soon as your corset is deemed tight enough sheâs back out the door with a curtsy. Thomas leads you to the dining room and your eyes roam the whole way. Even after having spent the whole day exploring, there are halls and corridors that youâve yet to step foot in.Â
The dining room is just as gorgeous as the rest of the placeâ filled with singular items that could feed entire families for years. Somehow, you think youâve already grown accustomed to such things, since the only thing you truly care to look at is your husband. Satoruâs already seated, but he stands when you enter, looping around the table to pull a chair out for you.Â
You give him your most genuine smile, accepting a kiss to your knuckles in greeting before you settle. âHow was your day?â you ask as he takes his seat again.Â
He chuckles. âPerfectly fine. And how was yours, princess?â Your nose crinkles. Thatâs the second time heâs called you that. Something about it feels wrong. Youâre still getting used to being a lady. Princess feels even worse.Â
âIt was⊠good.â
You watch a perfect white brow arch in the candlelight. âOh? Just good?â You donât miss the way his eyes flicker to the cornerâ to Thomas.Â
You hurry to elaborate. âWell, I justâ I canât help but feel as if thereâs not much⊠use for me.â Servants flood in, some carrying wine, others carrying trays that hold more food than the both of you could ever possibly consume.Â
That brow arches impossibly higher. âUse?â His lips crack into that smile again, but itâs tight this time. Too tight. âYou have no use. You only enjoy yourself. Surely Thomas has told you that.âÂ
A plate of steaming food plops in front of you. Even its heavenly smell canât quell the sudden dread in your gut. âOf course! Of course he did.â Your stomach twists and you decide that perhaps now is not the time to press the subject. âIâll just⊠Iâll try riding tomorrow.â You hate riding, but itâs the first thing that comes to mind.Â
Satoruâs smile thaws into something less menacing. âIâm sure youâll enjoy that.âÂ
You nod eagerly. âIâm sure I will.âÂ
You grab your fork, eager for a new subject. From what you can tell, dinner is roast chicken and vegetables, though itâs the luxury version as everything seems to be. The spices are intoxicating and the green beans are even arranged in a pretty little pattern that makes them look too good to eat. You do anyway. The first bite nearly makes you moan, but you chew slowly, delicately, trying not to let your upbringing show.
Itâs not until several bites later that you realize youâre the only one eating. A quick glance reveals your husband has no platter, no chicken or green beans. Heâs only⊠watching you. You clear your throat, dabbing at your lips with a napkin.Â
âYouâre not⊠eating?â
That permanent smile grows a little wider and you canât help but feel as if thereâs something⊠menacing about it. âAte before I came.âÂ
Your brows furrow. âOh. Were you on the road?âÂ
You think you see something wild flash in his eyes. âNo.âÂ
The rest of dinner passes slowly, almost painfully. Satoru doesnât eat a bite, doesnât even look enticed. You wonder how thatâs possible when it smells like a spice bomb went off in the dining room.Â
By the time youâve cleared your plate youâve discussed everything from the number of horses in the stables to kinds of crops grown on the estate. Itâs comforting to know a little more about your new home, but itâs not enough.Â
âIs there a library?â you ask. Youâre on dessert now. Itâs the best chocolate cake youâve ever had and it takes everything in you to hold back a moan each time it touches your tongue.Â
âOf course.â Your husbandâs eyes flicker to Thomas again and youâre honestly starting to fear for the poor footmanâs life. Everytime you ask a question itâs like Satoru is angry it hasnât already been answered. âItâs yours to use as you please.âÂ
You smile lightly. âPerfect. Thank you.âÂ
He softens a bit at that. âIs there anything specific you wanted to read about?âÂ
You shrug. âThe estate, I suppose. I should know my homeâs history, no?â
His eyes get that wild look again, that sparkle that you know speaks to nothing good. âOh, absolutely. I have some personal favorites to recommend. Iâll leave them aside for you?âÂ
You swallow and give him a shallow nod. âThat would be perfect. Thank you.âÂ
He chuckles. âMy pleasure.âÂ
When dessert is finally over, you stand slowly. Satoruâs not far behind you, saying heâll walk you to your room. Your heart leaps at his words. Will he stay with you tonight?Â
He offers you his arm in the hall and your mouth runs dry when you feel the corded muscle beneath his jacket. By the time you reach your room, youâre thinking of tugging him in behind you. His denial to stay with you last night was not only confusing, but⊠off putting. Nearly offensive. Did he not like how you looked? Did he think something was wrong with you?Â
You muster all the courage you possess and force your lips apart. âWill you stay with me tonight?âÂ
His eyes spark again and you hold your breath. He presses closer. This is it, you think. His lips hover over yours, eyes glimmering in the candlelight. And then he dips his head, his mouth pressing to your pulse.Â
âNot tonight,â he whispersâ and then heâs gone.Â
~
You wake suddenly. Itâs the middle of the night, you gather. The light streaming through the window is weak enough to only be that of the moon.Â
Your heart is pounding and your skin is slick with sweat despite the chill in your bones. A nightmare, you think. It must have been a nightmare.Â
As you settle back into your sheets you swear you see a ripple in the darkness. You close your eyes. If your nightmare is real, youâd rather not see it coming.
~
The library is huge. Itâs sprawling and smells of paper and leather and everytime Thomas lights a candle you flinch at the idea that one misplaced spark could end thousands of years of knowledge.Â
The books Satoru left you are⊠perfect. Just what you were looking for. Theyâre all comprehensive volumes of the history of the estate, many of which reference each other. Youâre stunned to see that several are written by very well-known authors of both the past and the present. You knew the Gojo familyâs influence reached far, but not that far. You peruse the titles. The Gojos: A History, A History of the Gojo Crest, History of the Gojo Castle, Revisiting the Gojo Family: A Comprehensive History. Altogether you have well over a few thousand pages of informationâ but thereâs one book that doesnât fit with the rest. Itâs relatively unassuming. A black cover with some sort of gold rune etched onto its front. When you flip to the title page it reads âCreatures of Myth and Where To Find Themâ. Your brows furrow. You slide it to the sideâ must have gotten mixed in with the others, you think.
~
You ask Thomas to bring the books to your room. He does. Very respectfully. He sets them on your bedside table and then retreats like a kicked puppy with only a polite goodbye. You sigh. His behavior has only gotten stranger in the past few days. You think the servantsâ coldness must have something to do with Satoru, but you canât figure out why. Had he ordered them to stay away? Why would he?Â
You decide itâs a question for another day and dive into your books. You spend hours, days, reading every chapter, page, and word. The pure amount of information is dizzying. Apparently this specific estate had been in the hands of the Gojo family since the eighth century (with several razings and consequential rebuilds). You also learn that Satoru was not only the most wealthy lord on the continent, but the most wealthy man. Even wealthier than the king apparently, though that fact was kept fairly under wraps to protect the crownâs ego. The estimates of your husbandâs net worth made your head spin.
Satoru joins you for breakfast and dinner every day. You never see him eat a morsel. Itâs⊠unsettling to say the least. Itâs always just that tin cup, filled with something you could never quite see. You develop a pattern of waking in the night, too, with the overwhelming sense that something is watching you. Sometimes you could swear you feel the bed shift as you jerk awake. Each time you simply close your eyes and try your best to slow your heart, convinced your mind is playing tricks on you.Â
Your days feel a little more productive with a book in your hands, but youâve read them all three times over by the time a fortnight has passed. You find yourself packing them up to return to Thomas when a certain black cover catches your attention. You grab it from the pile and settle back into your seat. Youâve nothing better to do, right?Â
You flip back the cover, revealing a familiar title. âCreatures of Myth and Where to Find Themâ. You donât recognize the authorâs name. A quick scroll through the table of contents reveals nothing particularly interesting, but you pick a random chapter on ghouls and decide to start there.Â
Itâs fascinating. Nothing about the style is boring and the words fly by. Your silly little myth book is a page turner. By the time you notice the light has started dying youâve read about ghosts, fairies, werewolves, and goblinsâ all of which have been a delightful little read. A glance at the clock reveals you have a half hour before dinner. One more chapter, you think. Your eyes skim the title. âVampires [Vampyr]â.Â
You skim the first paragraphs until your eyes settle on a line that catches your eye.Â
âContrary to popular belief, vampires are not always crazed blood-hungry monsters. Many live among humans quite comfortably and are able to avoid detection with a little well-placed effort.âÂ
You purse your lips. What a⊠terrifying thought. You skim a little further.Â
âA vampireâs key characteristic is, of course, their desire and need to drink human blood as sustenance. However, a vampire can be spotted sooner if one is able to recognize their subtler traits. Vampires often have skin lacking any sort of flush. The lack of blood in their veins results in a sickly pallor, even after the most rigorous exercise. Their skin is also noticeably cold to the touch. At best, a vampireâs body will reach room temperature. Vampires can also be noted for their preternatural beauty. They will stand out as the most attractive person in any crowd. Finally, a vampire will have fangs. If one wishes to identify a vampire, one only needs a good look at their teethâ.
A chill settles over your skin. You flip ahead a few pages.Â
âVampires are unable to consume typical human food. Should they attempt to, their bodies will immediately reject any and all foreign substances.âÂ
Your stomach drops. You donât want to think about why. You skip the rest of the paragraph.Â
âVampires possess several supernatural abilities that set them apart as a humanâs predator rather than their equal. Vampires are known to move unnaturally fast and are notably light footed. If a vampire does not wish to be heard, they will not be. A vampireâs strength is inhuman, well over ten times that of the average man. They also have a penchant for darkness, an ability to hide away in the shadows that cannot be explained. Oftentimes they will seem to appear from thin air.â
You skip ahead again.
âVampires have been known to take mates. Mates usually come in the form of another vampire, but in some cases a human has been chosen. Vampires are fiercely protective of their mates, bordering on obsession. Any person deemed a threat to their bond or their mateâs safety is usually disposed of quickly. Oftentimes, vampires make these decisions with haste, with little regard for whether or not the threat was real. A vampire will do everything in their power to please their mate, but have been known to forcibly restrain their mates in situations of unrequited feelings. Above all else, vampires wish to possess their mates. Two bonded vampires will sometimes spiral into gloriously destructive fits in their endless desire to protect and possess one another. A vampire bonded to a human will show an increasingly protective nature, often isolating their mate from others.â
Your heart pounds. A bead of sweat rolls down your back. You flip the pages, desperateâ desperate for a piece of information that will save you from the thoughts spilling in your mind, from the thoughts you will do anything not to believe. You reach the âWhere to Find Themâ subsection and nearly gasp with relief. Surely, vampires do not pose as wealthy lords of Europe?Â
âVampires can be found everywhere. They do not exist in only one country or continent, but all over the world. Odds are that you have faced at least one vampire in your life, unknowingly or not. Some vampires choose to live solitary lives, surviving in the wilderness where human society will not attempt to tame their wild nature. Others choose to live among humans, some even existing in positions of very high authority.âÂ
No, no, no. This canât be happening to you. It canât be real. Youâre dreaming, youâre having one of those nightmares again. Youâre going to wake up any second.Â
âOne tale recounts a razing of the Gojo estate in the 12th century.âÂ
Youâre panting, hyperventilating. This isnât happening.Â
âSoldiers of the enemy force recounted a singular man, the son and heir of the then Lord Gojo, taking out a minimum of 800 men. He was described as having his familyâs characteristic white hair as well as blue eyes. Eyewitness accounts depict the Gojo heir as covered in blood and killing savagely and with inhuman strength.âÂ
No, no, no.Â
â(See next page for only existing portrait)â
Your fingers tremble but you canât stop them. Thereâs no way. Itâs not possible.Â
You flip the page and Satoru stares back at you.Â
Knock! Knock! Knock!
You nearly scream. Your door rattles angrily, but youâre not sure you can answer it, not with the knowledge flooding your mind. The knocking continues. You run your hand over your face and smooth down your hair. You feel frazzled, dirty, despite not having moved from your chair all day. Another knock prompts you to set your book aside and stand. You do your best to compose yourself, to put on a straight face. You fail instantly when you pull back the door not to reveal your faithful attendant, not Thomas, but Satoru.Â
You bite back a shriek and instead force a smile. Youâre suddenly very aware of the blood pounding in you veins and of the fact that he most likely knows.Â
âHello,â he says, but his voice is lower than usually, more intense.Â
You force a breath into your lungs. âHello,â you answer, but it sounds more like a squeak than a greeting.Â
Something flashes in his eyes, something familiar, something that is no longer interesting but rather terrifying. âAre you alright? You seem a little⊠flushed.â The concern on his face feels anything but genuine.Â
âIâm fine,â you answer, but even you can tell that reply too quickly, too eagerly. You rush to cover it up. âIs it time for dinner? Whereâs Thomas?âÂ
His lip twitches and you see a muscle in his jaw flex. âThomas has⊠left us.âÂ
No. This wasnât happening to you. There was no way this was happening to you.Â
âHe⊠what?â Thereâs an unmistakable wobble in your voice that only causes Satoruâs face to fall further.Â
âItâs no matter. Heâs gone. Now itâs just you and me, hm?â He chuckles and the sound rattles your bones. âIn fact, I was thinking Iâd cut down on the number of servants we have entirelyâŠâÂ
You mind races with the memory of knowledge you wish you didnât have. âVampires are fiercely protective of their mates, bordering on obsession. Any person deemed a threat to their bond or their mateâs safety is usually disposed of quickly.â
You nearly stumble, but lean against the doorframe just in time. Your husband had disposed of a man, all because he brought you meals and books?
âWhat have you been up to today, princess?â The question breaks your trance just in time for you to see your husbandâs eyes flicker behind you.Â
You wet your lips. âJust some reading.â You plead that he doesnât ask anything further. He does.Â
âAbout the estate?â he asks.Â
You nod and try to swallow the lump in your throat. âYes.â
His smile returns and this time itâs not forced. âYou got my books, then?âÂ
You try smiling back, but youâre fairly sure it looks more like a grimace. âYes.â
âAnything interesting?â he presses.
This isnât happening. This canât be happening. Does he know? Does he know that you know? âYes, of course. Lots.âÂ
He pauses and you see the debate and then the decision in his eyes. You think itâs the first time youâve felt true terror when he meets your gaze again. âI think we should skip dinner tonight. It seems we have so much to discuss.â
You donât even have the wherewithal to scream when he steps into you, forcing you back until heâs shutting your door behind him. He doesnât stop there, though. He keeps pressing, keeps pushing until your knees hit the bed and youâre falling to the mattress. He crawls right after you.
âWho knew my little wife was such a reader? All those books in such a short time⊠You must be simply spilling with information.âÂ
You retreat across the mattress, squeaking when your back hits the headboard and his arms cage your waist. Youâre trapped.
His hands find your hips and youâre all too aware of how cool his touch is. Even more so when he pulls you right into his lap.
âSatoru-â your voice is pitiful, breathless, and youâre ashamed to say itâs not just from the fear in your gut. Heâs never been this close before, never touched you, held you like this. âThomas-âÂ
âDonât speak his name.â His face pulls into the first scowl youâve ever seen and the sight is enough to root you to the spot. Never have you seen anything more frightening. A creature so beautiful, so perfectly angelic, filled with an insurmountable rage. Itâs wrong. âHeâs gone. Heâll never bother you again.â Heâs closer now, his breath skating over your skin. Itâs cool and now you know the reason why.Â
You shake and tremble and you knowâ Thomas is dead. Your husband killed himâ killed him for getting too close when all he did was stay at a distance. Satoru killed him. Killed him.Â
He buries himself in your neck, his voice a near whine. âThought I could put up with it, just so youâd have someone to take care of youâŠâ He groans. âI was so wrong, princess. Couldnât stand it. Couldnât stand the way you smelled more like him than meâŠâÂ
You feel him melt against you then, relief washing over his body in a wave. âBut heâs gone. And now itâs just you and me, hm? Just you and meâŠâ He hums, like remembering that fact is all heâs ever needed.
Heâs kissing your pulse again, now, and your heart is racing faster than ever. Your fingers curl into his shoulders. You should push him away, away, away. Heâs a killer, of thousands no doubt. Youâve never felt at home here, never felt like you belonged. This is why. Youâre not even the same species. Heâs something else, something your hands were never meant to touch.Â
Your mind screams at you to do go, to shove and kick at him and leave this place behind. Go, go, go your gut says⊠but you donât. You canât. Itâs too⊠good. The feeling of his cool lips against your skin, of what youâre sure is his tongue prodding at your pulse⊠itâs intoxicating. He is intoxicating. How could anyone blame you for wanting more of someone, something, so divine?Â
âHave you figured it out yet, love?â Your breath hitches and he chuckles, licking a long stripe up your neck, before he settles back at your pulse. Always your pulse. âI can feel those little gears turning. Tell me, what have they discovered?âÂ
He knows you know. But heâs going to make you say it. You swallow and feel his grip on you tighten. âYouâreâŠâ Your breaths come faster. You canât. Not aloud. Aloud makes it too⊠real.Â
âYessss?â he prods. Heâs licking at you again, all the way across your throat to find your other pulse-point.Â
âYouâre notâŠâ Something sharps nicks at your skin and you bite your lip to hold back a whimper.Â
âGo on, princess.â You think heâs just smelling you now, just burying his face as close to you as possible and taking you in.Â
You close your eyes tightly, holding back tears. âNot human,â you breathe. A piece of you breaks with the admission.
He huffs a little laugh against your skin and pulls back to look you in the eye. âThatâs good,â he purrs. âBut I think you can be a little more specific, no?â His lips press to your chin, then the corner of your mouth, then down to your jaw⊠âTell me.âÂ
Your lips wobble, muscles clenching tighter with each passing moment. You donât want to say it, donât want to speak it into existence, but you also donât dare to disobey him.Â
âYouâre aâŠâ You shake and tremble. He draws a line up your neck with the tip of his nose.
âMhm?âÂ
You open your eyes, thinking this might be the last time you see. âVampire.âÂ
He chuckles and you feel his teeth press to the skin of your neck. âThatâs right, princess. So smart.âÂ
He smiles and you suddenly realize youâve never seen his teeth before. Everytime he smiles at you itâs close-lipped and dimpled. But this⊠this is the smile of a predatorâ all white and pointy and fitted with a set of menacingly long fangs. You sob at the sight.Â
âShhhhh,â he coos. He has your chin in his hand, forcing you to truly look at him, to see him for what he is. âI wonât hurt you, love.â You want to believe him so badly it burns, but his laugh washes away any fire and turns it to ice. âNot unless you want me to.â He wiggles a brow like itâs just a little joke, like heâs not an actual fucking vampire that had his fangs over your neck just moments ago.Â
âSatoru,â you beg. Youâre not sure what youâre begging for. Release maybe? But, no, thatâs not right. You donât want him to let you go, not when you finally have him close after all this time. âWhy did you pick me?âÂ
The question slips out. You hadnât even been thinking about it, hadnât even noticed it scratching at the walls of your mind, but it made its way out nonetheless.
His brow creases, but not in confusion. Moreso in⊠thoughtfulness. âDo you think about that a lot, princess?âÂ
You nod and you suddenly want him closer, want him to touch you everywhere, hold you like his life depends on it. You want him, no matter how horrible it might be.Â
He nods and hums, kissing the tip of your nose lightly. âWellâŠâ he says. His thumb swipes over your lips when he leans in to whisper in your ear. âAt first I wanted you for this.â His head dips to your neck again and you feel the familiar brush of his lips against your throat. âYou smellâŠâ he chuckles. âLike heaven. Which is a place Iâll never get to on my own, so I had to bring my own little slice home, no?â He laughs again, a little louder this time, genuinely amused. âWent into town one day and caught your scent on the street. At first I thought I must be walking past the bakery, but, lo and behold, there was no baker in sight.â Heâs still kissing at your pulse, worshiping it. âWent crazy, princess. Didnât think I was going to be able to contain myself when I found you. Thought it might be quite the scene.â He huffs a laugh and you shiver, somehow both terrified and intoxicated. âBut then I saw youââ he groans and something clenches deep at your center. âAnd I knew I needed more than just your blood. Needed you.â Heâs rocking into you now, and your breath catches when you feel something firm against your backside. âWent to you in that little room you slept in every night. Watched you. Couldnât stay away. Knew I had to have you.â You feel him smile against your skin. âAfter a week I couldnât take it anymore. Sent you that letter, married you. Made you mine.â He groans again. âThen I met you and you were so pretty, princess. Already knew it, but hearinâ you talk to me, look at me.â Teeth graze your pulse. âNeeded you more than ever. Almost took you right on the fucking floor in here while you were lookinâ at those dresses.â You whine when his hips roll into you again. âOh, but I knew I couldnât. Youâre so fragile, love. Had to wait, had to make you feel safe, yeah? Spent all this time forcing myself to stay away, âfraid of what I might too if I was in your presence too long. Had to control myself. Had to make you realize you could trust me.â He panting, like heâs so pent up he can hardly sit still. âDo you trust me, princess?âÂ
Your brows scrunch. Say no, say no, say no a part of you screams. Run, run, run. You canât. âYes,â you breathe.Â
You feel him smile again, feel the pleasure of submission. âGood girl.âÂ
Youâre on your back. It happens so fast your eyes donât even have time to gasp. You donât see Satoru, but you feel him. Everywhere. His hands are roaming your body softly, sliding under buttons and laces and popping them off. Your dress loosens with every passing moment until Satoru reappears above you, diving straight for your neck again. âSo good, princess. Letâs get you out of this dress, yeah?âÂ
You nod wordlessly, entranced. He finds your mouth as he rids you of your clothes. His tongue presses in and you flail against him, unsure of what to do, of how to handle the intrusion. The kiss is heavy, too heavy, but Satoru canât seem to stop. He devours you as he gives up on laces and buttons and simply shreds your dress down the back. You tremble when the cold air hits your skin, when his cool fingers dust your collarbone.Â
âI always forget how many damn layers they make you ladies wear,â he chuckles. His hands run beneath your shift, up across your bare thigh. You gasp at the touch. No one has even been so close to you before. You feel the threads of your corset snapping away, feel your breaths growing deeper. You tremble when he pulls your sleeve down past your shoulder and runs his mouth along the newly exposed skin.Â
âSatoru,â you gasp, and your hand pulls at his flowing white shirt.Â
He chuckles, pulling back just enough to see your face. âYou wanna see me too?â You nod, lips parted and eyes glassy, and he laughs again. He lips dust over the corner of your mouth. âAlright.âÂ
His hands shift from you to himself, working at the laces on his chest. His movements are speedy, practiced, like heâs been lacing and unlacing shirts for hundreds of years. Your throat tightens when you realize that he has.Â
You gasp when he reveals himself, when his shirt slides away to reveal an expanse of pale skin and carved muscle. Youâve never seen a man like this and seeing one this close up for the first time is nearly blinding. Heâs art, you think- nothing less.Â
âTouch me, princess,â he says. You canât. You shouldnât. Heâs too beautiful, too perfect to be beneath your insignificant hands. âNeed a little help?â he asks, and thereâs a lilt in his voice that makes you sure heâs grinning.Â
His hands find yours and bring them to his chest, running your palms over his collarbones, his pecs, down, down, down across his abs that you can feel each and every one⊠You whimper, watching your own fingers grope his skin. He pulls you lower, lower, lower, and you gasp when your fingertips brush the waistband of his pants. But then heâs laughing again and heâs throwing your arms over his shoulders and pulling you closer, kissing your neck like it pained him to be parted from your pulse for so long.Â
âNot so fast,â he says, like he wasnât the one nearly stuffing your hands down his pants. His hands are on your corset again. You can feel it dangling onto you by a thread, literally. All he needs is a couple more pulls and youâll be bare. By the look he gives you, you can tell heâsÂ
thinking the same thing. âYou touch me, now I touch you, yeah?â Thereâs a tug and a tear and then so much⊠cold. Youâve never realized how cold this castle is, not until youâre exposed to its elements fully. Youâre naked.Â
Satoru sits back on his knees and just watches. His gaze is searing, burning, despite the iciness of his being. Itâs too much. Your hands move to cover yourself, to maintain some modicum of your dignity-Â
âNo.â Strong hands find your wrists and pry them apart. âLet me see you,â he says. His tongue darts out to lick his lips.Â
Your jaw clenches and your frame shakes, but you do as he asks, letting your hands fall limply at your sides. Thereâs silence for many more moments and it seems to go on so long that you can only squeeze your eyes shut under his gaze. Surely he will turn you away now, get up and leave, tell you this was a mistake, tell you that youâreâÂ
âBeautiful,â he breathes. Your eyes snap open to find him already staring at you. âBeautiful,â he says again, and then heâs on you, lips at your pulse, hands on your skin. His touch is cool and you squeak at the chill that runs up your spine. Youâre not sure itâs entirely from his temperature.Â
His mouth seeks yours and he devours you. You feel as if heâs sucking your soul out through your lips. âTell me youâve never done this before,â he begs. âTell me Iâm the first to touch you.âÂ
You whine against his mouth, both aching for more and overwhelmed by what heâs already giving you. âY-Youâre the first,â you whisper.Â
His groan is deep, primal. It rattles through your chest and you whimper when his hands dig into your waist hard enough to bruise. âYes,â he breathes, and you shiver again. âLie back, princess.â Your eyes widen, with anticipation or fear youâre not sure. Probably both. He chuckles. âDonât worry. Iâll be gentle.âÂ
You pray he means that. âJust relax, love. Here, hold my hand.â His fingers find yours, twining them together. When you swallow, his eyes follow the bob of your throat. He leans back again and your body twitches when his free hand skims the skin of your thighs. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he finds your knees and you gasp when he parts your legs, revealing you so completely to his gaze. The way he stares, like heâs committing you to memory, itâs nearly enough to make you snap your thighs shut, but a squeeze from his hand reminds you to relax, to trust.Â
His palm skates up your thigh and settles near your hip, his fingertips inching closer to where you can feel an embarrassing throb.Â
âTell me, love. Have you ever touched yourself here?â His fingers dust low on your tummy- just low enough for you to catch his meaning, but not low enough to give you any relief. Your face heats and your teeth dig into the flesh of your cheek. You have, you have touched yourself there, but itâs the last thing you want to admit to your new husband. Itâs shameful, itâs dirty, itâs- âDonât think Iâll judge you, princess. Just wanna know.âÂ
You gulp down a breath. You should come clean. âY-yes,â you stutter, and the sound of your voice so weak and helpless only makes you flush further.Â
He chuckles and squeezes your hand again. âOn the outside or the inside?âÂ
Your eyes widen. I-inside? Youâd never considered that⊠âJ-just the outside,â you answer.Â
Your eyes grow even wider when his head rolls back and he moans straight up to the ceiling like your answer is heaven-sent. When he looks back to you his fangs are on full display. âWell, I think you and I are in for a little treat today, hm?âÂ
Your brow furrows and your lips part to ask him what he meansâ his fingers travel those last few inches down your tummy and find your clit. You squeak and jolt so violently that he presses a hand to your hip, holding you to the mattress. âSomebodyâs sensitive,â he chuckles. He holds you still for a moment and then lets your hips go free. âTry to stay still. I promise itâll feel good.â
You nod hopelessly, but this time youâre prepared for when he touches you again. Your muscles clench at the first touch, at the foreign sensation of a touch down there that wasnât your own. But then itâs more. Itâs languid, slow circles around a spot that youâve never been able to pinpoint so well on your own. Itâs heat building in your tummy that seeps through every vein and into every pore. Itâs relaxation that youâve never known, that has you melting into the mattress despite the chill of the touch.Â
Thereâs a little huff of a laugh and then his voice. âGood girl. Feels nice, yeah?â You nod hesitantly and squeeze desperately at his hand, searching for an anchor. His head cocks to the side and you watch the smile slide across his lips. âItâs about to feel even nicer.âÂ
By the time you realize what heâs doing itâs far too late to stop him. His mouth closes around your cunt and you yelp, trying to wiggle away from the overwhelming sensation- but heâs got his freehand on your hip again and his grip is bruising, punishing, as he holds you in place. He licks a stripe through your folds and you find yourself jolting again, uselessly so against the pressure of his palm on your hip. âStop that, princess.â Your heart drops at the admonishment until you feel his guiding touch. âRock into me like this.â His hand rocks your hips into his mouth and the pressure of his tongue against your clit is so delicious that you whimper. âGood girl,â he says and your heart rises right back up. âKeep doing that, now.â You donât dare defy him. You rock like he showed you, a little jerkily at first, and then you find a rhythm that has you seeing stars. âThatâs it, love,â he says, and the sound is muffled against your cunt. âHere, put your hand in my hair.â He finds your wrist and guides you forward until your fingers are tangling in those snowy locks. Theyâre even softer than youâd imagined. âGood girl,â he whispers and suddenly heâs taking one last long lick and lifting his head to meet your eyes. ââM gonna put my fingers in you now, princess.â Your chin wobbles. âIt might hurt a little bit, but stay still, okay?â You canât do anything but nod.Â
His eyes return to your cunt and you can feel him prodding at your entrance, circling the hole as you clench in anticipation. âRelaaaaaax, love,â he says and you nod. A deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouthâÂ
You feel the exact moment he pushes into you and a whine of pain rips from your throat. Your walls clamp down like a vice, angry at the intrusionâ but itâs already too late. Thereâs a beat of silence, of anticipation, and then heâsâ laughing?Â
Your brows furrow when you hear it, your head lifting to a sight that locks your limbs in shock. Satoruâs hand is lifted in front of his face, his pointer finger coated inâ blood, you realize. Your blood. And heâs a fucking vampire.Â
âOh princess,â he coos, and the manic look in his eyes makes you tremble. âYou really are perfect.âÂ
Things seem to slow as you watch him take his blood covered finger into his mouth. Youâre sure youâve never seen an expression more blissful, more lost to sensation. His eyes roll back and his body shivers, like heâs ascending to some higher plane. Maybe he is.Â
When he pulls his finger from his mouth itâs completely licked clean. You hold your breath. Heâs going to go for your neck now, right? Heâs had a taste and now heâll want more of it, all of it?
âFuck,â is all he says. His mouth is back on your cunt so fast you donât even see him move.Â
Your mouth falls wide. It hurts, the way he is so desperately licking at you. You feel his finger again, pressing in, in, in, only to pull back and suddenly be joined by another. The stretch tears at you. You thrash and jolt, but Satoru doesnât bother telling you to stop this time. His arm wraps over your hips, holding you in place. He seems immune to how hard your legs squeeze at his head or your hands pull at his hair. Heâs lost. You can feel him licking, lapping, and prodding at you like youâre a fucking gold mine. Heâs lost to desperation, to the need for more, more, more. Every so often he lifts his chin and you see his mouth smudged with a mixture of your wetness and your blood. He laps at his lips like an animal, dragging his thumb across his chin and sliding it into his mouth to make sure he gets every last drop.Â
Youâre not quite sure when the ravenous pain turns to a ravenous pleasure, when it turns from terrifying to downright delicious. You donât notice your moans filling the air until Satoru joins you, groaning and whining into your cunt and telling you to keep going, to keep making those sounds. The hand you have buried in his hair doesnât fight to push him away any longer, only to pull him into those now practiced rocks of your hips. His fingers thrust deep, curling into a spot that makes you feel so good and his mouth has found your clit again. He sucks your nerves lightly between his lips, tongue swirling in little circles. Your thighs start to shake.Â
âYes. Yes. Give it to me.âÂ
âS-Satoruââ you breathe. Warmth and tightness pool in your tummy, and you recognize it as your approaching orgasm, though you know this one will be far different than any youâve ever managed to give yourself. Your body shakes and your breaths tremble and thenâ you fall over the edge, rocking your hips senselessly, losing all form of rhythm. Warmth tingles in your spine and seeps all the way down to your toes. You think you cry out, cry for your husband, cry for more, cry for less, but if you do you donât hear it. All you hear is the pounding of your pulse, of pleasure throbbing in your veins until the world slowly seeps back in through the corners of your vision.Â
Satoru is grinning. A speck of your blood clings to his chin and his fangs peek out from behind his lips. The sight makes your blood run a little colder. If any part of you doubted what he was before⊠well, there was no doubt any longer.Â
Thereâs a shift between your legs, his hips slotting between them, and youâre suddenly snapped back to reality. From the look in his eyes, youâre not done.Â
Frantic hands find his pants and he undoes each button with a quickness that is almost inhuman. You wonder if he could go even faster, if heâs holding back so as not to scare you. If he is, it isnât working very well. Fear surges in your veins right alongside anticipation.Â
âS-Satoruââ
âItâs alright, love.â His hand finds yours without his eyes ever looking up. His grip is just a little too firm, a little too cold. âJust stay still.âÂ
You whimper, but you donât think heâs paying attention to that, and soon enough, neither are you. His pants slide down just past his hips, just enough. You gasp.Â
Youâve never seen a man in the nude, never even dared to think about what it might look like, though it seemed you no longer had to guess. His hand wrapped around his shaft, giving one long and slow stroke that made his breath hiss through his fangs. The tip was flushed, angry, and leaking something that looked clear and sticky. You couldnât help but notice it was a lot thicker than a finger, or even two. If his fingers had hurtâŠ
He moves with that alarming quickness again, leaning down to hover over you, chests nearly pressed together. âGonna take you now, princess. Gonna make you mine.â His eyes bore into yours, blue and shimmering with something wild. His hand presses into the mattress beside your head. âStay still, now.â
Itâs all the warning he gives you. You feel like youâre splittingâ straight up the middle. You wail, hands flying out to claw at his back. It hurts. It hurts.Â
âSatoru, p-please! ItâsââÂ
Lips catch yoursâ hungry, feral. The kiss is not gentle, not soothing. It shuts you up, it keeps you quiet, it keeps you still as you feel him sinking further, deeper into you. Itâs too much, you try to say, but the poke of sharp teeth against your lips keeps you silent. Your hips jolt and wiggle trying desperately to escape the stretch but itâs no use. By the time heâs fully inside you, tears are streaking down your cheeks, fat and heavy. His lips break away and his eyes reappear. You shake when you see that none of the wildness has been tamed, that youâve only just begun.
âGood girl,â he coos, and a cool finger traces a line across your jaw. âTook me so well.â You hold back a sob when his hips shift a little, testing, prodding. He must see the pinch of your eyes, the twist of your mouth, because heâs quick to comfort. âJust hold my hand, princess.â His hips rock in earnest this time and you whimper, squeezing down on his hand with all your might. Youâre panting as he chuckles. âBreathe, love. Breathe. Soon youâll be begging for more,â he laughs. Itâs not long before heâs rocking into you sincerely, setting a pace that stretches you to the brink of breaking. At first itâs all you can do to grasp onto him, to bite your lips through the whimpers and hold his hand. And then itâs⊠more. Itâs heat and warmth despite the coolness of his body on yours. Itâs sensation and⊠pleasure. He laughs when the first moan slides past your lips, burying his face in your neck once again. You hear him at your ear, panting his hot breath across your skin.Â
âFeel good, princess?â You nod, letting your hips rock against his as he showed you before. It feels goodâ it feels right. He chuckles, but thereâs nothing light about the sound. âWanna feel even better?â Something sharp pokes at the skin of your neck, hard enough to make you squeak, to make you freeze at what you know he wants.Â
He pulls himself back, pressing his forehead to yours, searching your eyes with his. Something like a cruel smile dances on his mouth. âJust a taste, love. I promise it wonâ hurt.â His tongue darts out and licks across your lips, his thrusts rocking just a bit faster. âYouâll feel sâ good anâ Iâll only take a little.â He laughs again and it sends a chill through your bones. âPromise.â He sounds breathless, like heâs struggling to restrain himself. The increase of his pace makes you whine and you squeeze his hand again. He buries himself back in your neck, panting. âCome on, love. Say yes. Say yes fâ me.â Your eyes glaze over. Your body justles with each new thrust. Heâs desperate now, seeking a release that you donât think is any kind youâre familiar with. âYes, yes, yes,â he chants in your ear. Youâre not sure when his words twist in your mind, when they settle on your tongue and push past your lips, but you know it feels so right when they do.Â
âYes,â you whisper.Â
His fangs clamp around your pulse. You scream when the sting rips through you, violent and savageâ but it only lasts a moment. Pain fades to⊠ecstasy. You feel his throat bobbing with each swallow, feel your blood seeping from your skin and onto his tongue. Youâd thought it would feel slicing, draining, like the life was being sucked from you. It doesnât. It feels wonderful. Heat spreads under your skin, emanating from your neck and down to your toes. It feels like breathing for the first time, like sugar being pumped into your veins. It feels like heaven. Your hand tangles in his hair, holding him close. You donât want it to stop, not ever. You could die like this, have him suck every last drop of blood from your veins and thank him for it with your dying breath.Â
Heâs moaning now, hands curling into your hips while he fucks into you relentlessly. The pace is grueling and brutal. You know it should hurt but only feels perfect. Anything less would not be enough. Anything else would leave you wanting. You feel it building, feel that familiar twinge at your core. The ecstasy flooding through your veins has it coming faster, has you teetering on the edge in moments.Â
âSatoruâŠâ You hadnât noticed how dizzy you felt until you tried to speak. You wonder why⊠ââM gonnaâŠâÂ
He fucks you harder, something menacing and deep rumbling in his chest. The sound makes you shiver, makes you whine, makes you come.Â
Your body shakes and a cry rips from your throat, cunt clenching like a vice around him. Your eyes roll back, hands scraping trails down his back. Your thighs quake with the intensity, with the overwhelming senses of pleasure that erupt throughout your body. Every nerve is firing, every hair rising. Itâs an unstoppable current, one that sweeps you away, helpless to its pull.Â
His thrusts grow sloppy and untimed. His grip on your hips tightens, holding you in place while he makes you his. His teeth break from your neck and when you look up through blurry eyes you see his head thrown back, your blood streaming down his chin in thick little globs. You feel it when he cums, feel the thick ropes of it seeping into your womb, feel the way he keeps fucking you, pushing it deeper and deeper inside. Heâs moaning, chanting your name like a prayer at the heavens.Â
When the moment ends he slumps over you, eyes half lidded and tired. Thereâs a familiar grin on his lips, one that inspires both comfort and uneasiness in your gut. You canât help but stare at him, at the blood that stains his chin and cheeks, that reddens his lips so beautifully. You want to reach out and touch him, touch his blood-soaked skin and see what it feels like, what it tastes like. What you taste like.Â
His eyes slide to the side, finding your pulse again. You groan. Yes, you think. Please, yes. More. You donât think youâll ever get enough of that. Of his teeth in your flesh, of the euphoria flooding your veins. More, more, more, your mind chants.Â
He chuckles lightly and shakes his head. âNo, princess.â He raises a finger to trace the curve of your neck. âI took more than I should haveâŠâ His expression doesnât tense with worry. His cheeks pull into a smile, those little dimples shining through. âBut what can I say? You just taste so good.â Like he needs to emphasize his point, his tongue darts out to trace his lips, lapping up some of the remaining blood on his chin. âYou taste like mine.â
You whine. More, more, more. Itâs all you can think about. You lift an arm weakly. You want to pull him to your neck, to make him drink, to make him fill you with the heaven you had just moments ago.Â
He catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, inhaling deeply. His lips split into another grin and you see his eyes spark again with the wildness you crave.Â
âNot yet, princess.â he coos. âBut soon.â His smile grows even wider, until those fangs are on full display, until youâre trembling again. âForever,â he whispers.
taglist (dm me or send an ask to be added!): @lacheri, @la-undercover-latina, @keiva1000
please consider leaving a comment, sending an ask, or reblogging! interacting with authors is the best way to support them! thanks for reading âĄ
#gojo#gojo smut#gojo x reader#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#jjk x reader#jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#satoru#jujutsu gojo#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader smut#vampire gojo#vampire#tw: loss of virginity#tw: yandere#jujustu kaisen#gojo x you#bree's fics!
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winter weight (nanami ver)
Synopsis: nanami has gained some weight this winter, it seems you don't mind.
based on this fanfic I wrote for Toji which was based on this fanart! thank you @lil-sis for requesting more nanami :,)
ă°ă»âĄă»ă°ă°ă»âĄă»ă°ă°ă»âĄă»ă°ă°ă»âĄă»ă°ă°ă»âĄă»ă°
You had known Nanami Kento for years before you were romantically involved. He had never made an inappropriate comment, always treated you with the utmost respect, and was all-around, the truest form of a gentleman.
For a time, you locked away your feelings for the kind man, sure he could never see you in that way, but little did you know, the man in question hid from your gaze, not because he did not want to see you, but in fear that you would see him. See him for what he was: a man, obsessed.
You had been with Ken for nine months now and he was everything you could want and more. He was communicative, thoughtful, and romantic. He looked at you in a way nobody had before. Likewise, for you, those nine months passed with comfortable ease.
This was your first winter together, and with the changing of the seasons you learned day by day that the man you knew was your life partner. The both of you were homebodies in a sense, however, with the chilly air and light snowfall this week, you were even more keen on a night in together.
You raced around the house, lighting candles, simmering mulling spices on the stove, and laying out blankets for the two of you. The house felt even cozier knowing that Ken was coming to join you.
He had spent the afternoon with his parents and was coming over after having dinner, he told you to eat without him and you had just finished cleaning your plate when you received a text,
"I am on my way now, sweetheart, is there anything you would like from the store?"
Ken was like this, domestic in the way that made you want to bounce around the room. You thought for a moment before deciding you would probably need more eggs. Earlier this week the two of you had planned a movie night, the next morning you were both hoping to bake cookies together while playing board games or taking turns reading to one another.
You informed him of the need for eggs and he told you he would be just a few more minutes. During that time you scrolled through the choices of movies, picking a few for the two of you to choose from.
Despite being together longer than the gestational period for a baby human, you still received butterflies in your stomach at the thought of his arrival. Knowing he was nearly home, you bounded to the kitchen and faced the door, the room smelled delicious, the only thing missing was his presence, and perhaps another layer of clothing.
Even so, you could hear his footsteps approach and knew that the two of you would share a blanket and body heat in no time.
When the man finally opened the door he was smiling shyly, a red dusting across his face from the cold. He wore a long winter coat, and in his arms were a bouquet of flowers and a wrapped gift.
You rushed to greet him, taking the day bag from his arm,
"Oh! Ken, they're beautiful!" You stood on tiptoe as he bent his knee and you kissed his cold cheek. "Goodness, you're freezing! Come in please!"
"Hello, my love." He smiled more broadly now, wrapping his free arm around you, "This if from my parents, but they told me not to let you open it until the holidays."
A warmth ran through you, the Nanami's were all too kind. Kento set the flowers on the counter and stepped toward the coat rack by the door to retire his shoes and jacket.
In the motion it took for him to pull the sleeves off his broad shoulders, you took him in. Leaning on the kitchen counter you allowed yourself to stare at him. His dress shirt was tight on his arms, and his suit pants clung to his thighs. You took a step toward him again.
"I almost don't want you to change, you look so handsome in your work clothes."
"Well, I've certainly put on some weight. These pants hardly fit now." he looks increasingly uncomfortable, not to be in your presence but to show that he was dressed in such a tailored fashion.
"Ken, my dear, you look incredible." You contain the desire to squeeze his thigh by walking to the bedroom and bringing out a pair of sweats and a cotton shirt.
"Although you are a delight to see this way, I'll let you get comfortable." You smile and pinch his bicep.
"Thank you, dear, I don't believe I've ever been so heavy. It's all the good restaurants you introduce me to, perhaps I should get back into the gym." He had grabbed the soft clothes you picked for him and walked into the bedroom to change.
"You're the one bringing me to all those good restaurants so you can't just blame me." You smile from outside the door.
"I'm just grateful you're with me" He laughs, pulling the shirt over his head.
"Ugh!" You exclaim, "Of course, Ken, don't say something so ridiculous." He laughs but you are still caught on what he said earlier. "And don't start going to the gym, you look great, very chewable."
He pops out from behind the door and looks down at you, amused. "I'm not sure how to feel about that descriptor, but if you still like me with extra weight, then I suppose I can remain comfortable."
"Still like you?" You gasp offended, "Ken, I grow more attracted to you every day, I don't care how tight your clothes are, in fact, it's a good look."
He gives you a mischievous face, "Go sit on the couch, pick a movie, stop trying to seduce me."
You laugh, incredulous, "I'm not trying anything, I'm only speaking the truth." You shrug, bounding to the couch and crawling beneath the blanket. Ken brings two mugs of cider before joining you.
That night you lay on his chest, watching a cheesy romance, the both of you laughing at the silly main character. You tilt your head up, to watch his face, your eyes catching the beginning of a few grey hairs dispersed in his blonde hair. You gently run your hand through his undercut.
In that moment, in his arms, as comfortable as you've ever been, you are sure, he is the man you will grow old with.
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#kento nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami#jjk nanami#jujutsu nanami#nanami kento#kento nanami x reader#kento fluff#nanami kento x reader#nanami x reader#nanami fluff#kento nanami fluff#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#nanami fanfic#kento nanami fanfiction#nanami x you#nanami x y/n#kento x reader#kento x y/n#kento x you#nanami kento fluff#nanamin#kento nanami x you#kento nanami x y/n#jjk comfort#jujutsu kaisen comfort
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She Wolf
A/N: I said I was gonna get this done and it took me way too long and has an absurd word count but I am incapable of holding in word vomit! Inspired by She Wolf by Shakira cause idc its GOOD and it got me thinking' so here it is. Also you don't have to listen to the song as you read but I think It's fun!
Summary: You've got a crush on your best friend and he's a bit of a dick. He regrets it and tries to apologize but you're already trying to push yourself to move on any way you can, even if it's in some shady club you'd never been to before.
Warnings: MDNI 18+, swearing, Logan's kind of an asshole for a minute, Possessive/jealous!Logan, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), friends to lovers cause that's my fave, fem reader, mutant reader, unnamed creepy guy (?) aaaand Logan absolutely has a pain kink. I think that's it but if there's any I missed please let me know!
Word Count: 7K (im so sorry but I'm not though)
divider credit here
âAre you ever gonna tell him?â
You looked up from your desk towards Ororoâs voice, sighing and taking your glasses off your nose.
âGod, I donât know, âro. I donât think I should. Itâs just going to end with me being humiliated and him never wanting to even be in the same room as me again.â
Youâd had a crush on Logan Howlett since the day you first walked through the doors of the mansion six months ago. Youâd probably be considered best friends by now with how much time youâd spend together, doing jack shit around the mansion on your days off. Just about everyone could tell he had a soft spot for you and that you had one for him. Logan was a classic âtough guyâ, constantly trying to hide his kind nature with a hard exterior, but it took only a couple weeks for you to crack that barrier. You werenât exactly a seemingly âsoftâ type either.
Youâd spent the majority of your life before you joined the X-men hoping from couch to couch and hitching rides with strangers, not really having a destination or a place to call home. Youâd been dropped off at a church when you were fourteen, around the time you started to turn every full moon. Your parents couldnât live with having to chain their mutant daughter in their basement once a month, and so they dropped you where they thought youâd find some âhelpâ. Youâd been passed from foster home to foster home till you were eighteen, each one passing you up the moment they realized you were not like them. It was always a slip of the mask, something setting you off to make you so enraged your eyes gleam yellow and your sharp canines make an unfortunate appearance. You took off the second you could and being on the road came with its fair share of creeps; men with terrible intentions looking for opportunities. Youâd never wanted to hurt anyone - truly - but when cornered by a creep, it was hard to think anyone would miss them. A couple of local newspapers caught on, debating where the wolf that tore men to shreds had gone. You werenât an animal. You just had teeth like one.
Knowing you couldnât lurk in town much longer, youâd hitchhiked your way to a camp occupied with people like you; lost with no place to call home. It was there that youâd met a couple of mutants who told you about Charles Xavier and the place that seemed completely unreal until you set your eyes on it. That felt like a lifetime ago by now.Â
âI think you're underestimating how he feels about you,â Ororo said, bringing you back to reality. She was sat on the edge of your bed, flipping through one of your magazines as you worked at your computer to try and make a lesson plan for the coming week.Â
âI think youâre overestimating how he feels about me,â you let out a short laugh, shaking your head.
Just as she was about to retort, you both heard someone shout your names from the hallway. You looked at each other curiously and left the room, hearing shouting again.Â
âAre you guys gonna play Monopoly with us or what?â
You both giggled and made your way downstairs towards Scottâs voice. Him, Jean, Marie, Bobby and Logan were all sat in the living room, the game already set up on the coffee table. Bobby and Marie were picking out their game pieces, assigning everyone else to their own piece.
âOkay, Logan, youâre gonna be the dog,â Marie smiled, dropping the little metal piece into the palm of his hand.Â
He was definitely not as amused, âwhy do I have to be a damn dog?â
Ignoring him, she handed another piece out to Jean, âyouâre the thimble.â
She then handed the boat to Scott, the top hat to you, and the iron to Ororo. You all began the game after Scott painstakingly over-explained the rules and how to play.Â
It was a good bit into the game that you all became distracted with conversation, eventually leaving the board game untouched. The topic of compatibility came up somehow, the conversation focused on the joy of Bobby and Marie.Â
âI think anyone would be lucky to have what you guys have,â Ororo smiled, shifting her gaze between the two of them.
âAnd what we have, obviously,â Scott joked, hanging his arm around Jean.
âGross,â Logan chimed in, taking a sip of the beer heâd hidden in the back of the fridge.
âI think someone is jealous,â Ororo said in a singsong voice, poking his arm.
âOf having someone hang on me all the time? No, thanks,â he scoffed.
As stupid as it was, it made you a little sad to hear he had no interest in even entertaining the idea. It wasnât a surprise, but still a disappointment nonetheless.
Ororo brought up your name and your eyes went huge, silently begging her to keep her mouth shut.
âYou donât seem to mind her hanging on you all the time. I think youâd be cute together,â she said, smiling mischievously at you. Scott and Jean agreed and you had never wanted to smash your head into a coffee table as much as you did in that moment.
âNah, definitely not my type of girl.â
It was just seven words, out quick without a second thought, and yet it felt like youâd been punched in the gut. You couldnât take your eyes off the monopoly board on the table, avoiding everyoneâs gaze.Â
Definitely not my type of girl.Â
âI think I should head to bed, itâs getting late,â you mumbled, keeping your head down to hide your blushed face as you got up from the couch and practically ran out of the room and up the stairs.Â
âWhat the hell was that?â Scott scolded Logan the moment you were out of sight.
âThat was so mean,â Ororo chimes in, backhanding him on the arm.
âI didnât mean to be,â Logan said nervously , shrugging his shoulders, ââŠdo you think sheâs mad at me?â
âProbably more hurt than mad,â Jean said honestly.Â
âShit,â he sighed, putting his beer down to rub his face with his hands, âwhat do I say?â
âNot that,â Marie replied, âwhy did you even say that anyway? You couldâve just said no.â
âI think you like her and youâre being mean so that she wont like you back because youâre afraid,â Ororo said after a moment of silence.Â
Logan sat quiet for a moment, his hands still over his face.
âAm I that easy to read?â His voice was muffled through his hands.
The rest of them couldnât help exchanging knowing smiles.
âSo you finally admit it,huh? Youâve got a crush,â Scott teased.
Logan moved his hands from his eyes to glare daggers at him, âyou shut your fucking mouth or Iâll shove that monopoly board where the sun doesnât shine.â
âI think thatâs a yes,â Jean whispered to her boyfriend.
âTalk to her when you see her tomorrow. Weâre not going to let you hurt her feelings just because you canât accept your own,â Ororo advised, lightly patting him on the shoulder.
âDo you think sheâs even gonna talk to me?â
âOnly one way to find out.â
ââââââââĄâââââââââââââââĄâââââââ
Logan tried to catch up with you the next day, always seeing you as you were leaving a room he was entering or passing by and even then, you ignored his calls of your name.
It was a little after dinner now and because it was a weekend, a couple of kids were up playing the PlayStation in the living room. Bobby and Marie sat with them, taking turns with the controllers.Â
Logan entered the room after about three laps around the mansion, mentioning your name to the both of them.
âHave you guys seen her? Iâve been trying to talk to her all day, she keeps running from me.â
âCanât really blame her,â Bobby muttered, his eyes never leaving the TV screen as he button smashed.Â
âSheâs in her room,â Marie answered before Logan could come up with a retort, âshe went up before dinner, said she wasnât hungry.â
He groaned, running a hand through his hair, âsheâs skipping dinner now too, great.â
âGo talk to her!â She insisted, shooing him away with a wave of her hand.
He made his way to the stairs and up to your bedroom, knocking lightly on your door. Hearing nothing, he knocked again, a little harder. Still, nothing.Â
âYou canât avoid me forever, you know. I wanna talk about yesterday, I was a dick.â
Silence. Now he was a little worried. He tentatively grabbed the doorknob and turned, cracking it open a bit.
Your bed was made, your desk was neatly organized and you were nowhere to be seen. He noticed your purse was gone from the usual spot youâd leave it in and your closet was open, a couple garments and some shoes strewn about on the floor. It looked like youâd gotten dressed and dipped. He figured maybe Ororo or Jean might know where you were, leaving your room and looking for them instead. He found them shortly after, huddled in the kitchen. Again, he asked if either of them knew where you were.
âSheâs in her room, she went up before dinner,â Ororo answered.
âNo, sheâs not. And her purse is gone.â
Both women turned to each other with the same worried expression.
ââââââââĄâââââââââââââââĄâââââââ
Having tried your cellphone about thirteen times from just about everybodyâs phones, they all decided they had to tell Charles. He used his ability to connect with every mutant on the planet to try and locate you, visualizing with his eyes closed. Everyone stood in his study, anxiously awaiting his conclusion. After a moment of silence, he started to silently chuckle to himself.
âWhatâs so funny?â Logan asked immediately, crossing his arms and furrowing his eyebrows.
âIâm afraid you all have your work cut out for you,â he replied, finally opening his eyes.
âSo, where is she?â Ororo asked, worry in her voice.Â
âThere is a club called The Nightcrawler - â Charles began to explain, but Logan interjected impatiently.Â
âClub? What, like a book club?â He nearly scoffed. There was no way you were at some sleazy nightclub in the city. You were a homebody and an introvert, neither of which made clubbing enjoyable.Â
âMaybe we should just let her have fun,â Jean began to say, but Logan was already halfway out the door.
Uncharacteristically, you found yourself dressed to the nines in the middle of a dance floor full of people. Youâd spent a while trying outfits in your room, searching for something you could actually wear out that wasnât sweatpants and a hoodie. Youâd settled on a halter top that tied at your neck and in the back and a pair of ridiculously tight pants that youâd bought forever ago and never had the guts to wear. You ended up standing in front of the mirror, choosing a pair of very cute but very uncomfortable shoes and looking over the outfit. If you werenât Loganâs âtype of girlâ, you sure as hell were somebodyâs. Trying to get yourself out there may be the best solution to forgetting the heart-crushing infatuation you had with your best friend who would never see you as anything more.Â
âI feel ridiculous,â you chuckled to yourself, turning in the mirror to see the back of your outfit. You did look good, just super out of your comfort zone. You grabbed your bag and ended up slipping out when everyone was eating dinner. Thatâs how you ended up where you were, pushing your way through the crowd of people with a drink in your hand. You passed the raised lounge area and felt a hand on your shoulder, making you turn suddenly.
âHey, you wanna dance?â
He was tall, leaning down a little to shout over the music. He was pretty good looking but didnât look like Logan in the slightest, which you realized was exactly the point of going out tonight. He was dressed nice and smelled like expensive cologne.Â
âSure, why not?â
As you abandoned your half finished drink on a table and let him pull you a little further into him, a familiar song started to thump through the speakers.
âI love this song!â You exclaimed, letting the nameless guy rest his hands on your hips.
S.O.S., she's in disguise
S.O.S., she's in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out
âIronic,â you muttered under the music.
ââââââââĄâââââââââââââââĄâââââââ
Logan walked ahead of Ororo, Jean and Scott, his long legs taking him much further at a much faster pace.
âLogan, slow down!â Ororo called out, jogging a bit to catch up with him.
âWhat if she didnât even want to be there? What if some guy dragged her there?â
âOh,â Jean laughed, â I see. Youâre jealous.âÂ
âNo.â
âYup.â
âNope.â
âSo youâd be fine if we walked in there and she is with a guy?âÂ
Logan slowed his pace as they approached the entrance, âsure, whatever,â feigned disdain in his voice.
The second the door opened, the bass of the music was overwhelming. It was dim, save for a few colorful lights projecting around the room. The four of them were squished together near the door, trying to pick you out in a sea of moving people.Â
âThis is gonna be like finding a needle in a haystack,â Scott shouted.
âNot necessarily,â Ororo replied, a smug smile on her face.
âWhat?â Logan furrowed his eyebrows.
She pointed across the room and he followed her gaze.
There's a she wolf in the closet
Open up and set it freeÂ
There's a she wolf in your closet
Let it out so it can breathe
You didnât even look like you. Heâd never seen you in anything that showed that much skin or any clothes that even hugged you like that, for that matter.Â
And you were with a guy.
Sitting across a bar, staring right at her prey
It's going well so far, she's gonna get her way
âSo, what did we tell you?â Jean shouted, waving her hand in front of his glaring eyes.
âJust some kid,â he replied dismissively, turning to her, âdoesnât mean anything anyway.â
âYou sure?â Scott nudged his shoulder, making Logan look towards you again.
That kid had his hands up the sides of your top with his head craned down to kiss your neck, your back to his chest. You were giggling, playfully smacking his arm. Truthfully, you thought the attention was nice for a change. After trying so hard for too long to get Logan to notice you, it felt good to have someone pay attention to you in that way.Â
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys
I just want to enjoyÂ
By having a very good time
And behave very bad in the arms of a boy
You felt his hands squeeze your hips a little harder, enough for his nails to dig into your skin. Out of instinct, you felt your canine teeth start to poke against your lower lip. You tried in vain to tug his hands from you, only making him tighten his grip.
The switch in demeanor was obvious even from across the dark room, your smile turning into a grimace that bared your sharp teeth. You yanked the sleeves of his jacket to make him finally let go, turning around while he still had his arms ghosted around you.
S.O.S., she's in disguise
S.O.S., she's in disguise
âTouch me like that again, you son of a bitch, and I will rip you to fucking shreds.â
You gathered fistfuls of his shirt, bringing him down to eye level so he could see your snarling teeth and gleaming eyes as a hint that you werenât bluffing.Â
There's a she wolf in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out
Before anyone could even tell him to stay put, Logan had already disappeared into the crowd of people.
âGod damn it,â Scott huffed, following Jean and Ororo when they went after him.Â
âLogan!â Jean yelled, trying to grab his jacket to slow him and only having him slip out of her grip.Â
There's a she wolf in the closet
Let it out so it can breathe
âShit, Iâm kinda into the fangs. What, you gonna bite me?â He was whispering in your ear, your hands still on his shirt. Before you could do something you were going to regret, you felt someone tug your upper arm and pull you away from him.
âCome on,â Logan snapped, âweâre leaving.â
âWhat the hell are you doing here? What do you mean we?â You yelled back. You didnât want to stay anywhere near that guy but you werenât ready to leave either and sure as hell not with Logan dragging you out like an angry parent.
âHey, she doesnât really look like she wants to leave with you, man,â the other guy interjected, keeping a grip on you by looping his fingers through one of the belt loops on your pants.Â
âYeah? She doesnât want to stay with you either, jackass,â Logan moved his hand from your arm to hold your hand instead, âsheâs not interested.â
What the hell had gotten into him? You felt like you were in the middle of a tug of war with two dogs.Â
âNo oneâs gonna fucking ask what I want, right?â You tried to complain, neither of them hearing you.Â
âYour little doggy girlfriend here was just about to take care of me. You mad about it?â The other guy laughed and you nearly lunged at him, Loganâs hand tugging you back. He intended to pull you away so he could get to him first, but Scott, Jean and Ororo jumped in just in time.Â
âAlright - enough, enough, weâre leaving!â Jean yelled, pushing you all towards the door, Logan dragging you the whole way. When you finally were out in the cool evening air, you angrily yanked your hand from his.
âWhat are you guys doing here?â You asked, turning to Logan, âand what the fuck was that?â
âWhat was that? Youâre welcome - âÂ
âI didnât ask you to come save me - from what, having a good time?â
âOh, yeah, it looked like you were having a lot of fun,â he scoffed, âhe had you by the hip so hard he probably left a bruise.â
He instinctively reached his hand out to check and you swatted it away, âDonât - Donât touch me!â
None of them had ever heard you sound so pissed off and youâd definitely never snapped at Logan like that before.Â
You took a deep breath and reached down to slip off your shoes, leaving you barefoot on the concrete.Â
âIâm sorry,â you apologized to the rest of them,â but why are you guys here?â
âYou left without saying anything, we couldnât find you and we wanted to be sure you were safe,â Ororo sighed, hugging you in relief, âweâre so glad youâre okay.âÂ
You hugged her back.
âI just - I wanted to disappear for a while,â you explained apologetically, avoiding Jean and Scottâs gaze.Â
âDo you know how stupid it was to run off and not tell anyone where you were going?â Logan scolded you, but Jean clicked her tongue at him.
âShut it! Enough from you! Youâve done enough damage control!â
The ride home was almost silent, your tired body slumped in the backseat between Scott and Jean, until Ororo spoke from the front passenger seat.
âHoney, I donât mean this in a bad way, but,â she paused, thinking over her words, âwhat were you gonna do to that guy if we hadnât stopped you?â
You understood what she meant immediately.Â
âWhat, you think I was going to kill him?â you asked, crossing your arms and leaning forward in your seat, âI wasnât. I donât do that unless I have to and you know even then I hate doing it.â
âI knowâŠso, what were you doing with a guy like him anyway?â she asked, trying to move on from the question that had clearly made you upset, âhe seemed kinda shady.â
Logan was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white, dreading the answer.
You shrugged your shoulders, staring at the synthetic fabric of your pants.
âLiked the attention, I guess,â you answered honestly, kind of hoping you could throw anyone off the idea of you being interested in Logan, âitâs been awhile since a guy has liked me like that.â
âHe only wanted one thing from you anyway,â he scoffed from the front seat. Ororo glared at him, about to tell him to mind his business before you stopped her.
âAnd I canât want it either?â
That shut everybody up and Ororo turned to him again, a look on her face that said âyou asked, you got the answerâ.
You tried to bolt to your room when you all got home but Logan was quick to follow, catching up with you to stand in your path in the hallway outside of your bedroom.Â
âWhatâs going on with you?â
âLeave me be.â
You tried to dodge around him but he stuck his arm out.Â
âLogan.â
He raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to continue speaking.
âMove.â
âIâm not leaving you alone until you tell me whatâs going on with you. You donât disappear like that, ever. And I wanna talk to you about last night - â
âThereâs nothing to talk about. Goodnight,â you huffed, ducking under his arm and opening your door.
âI care about you, you know, I was worried,â he began to explain.
You tried to slam the door in his face but he stuck his foot out, jamming his boot between the door and the doorframe. You let go in defeat and turned away, gathering your pajamas as if he wasnât in the room.
âYeah? Why?,â you scoffed, trying with everything in you to bite your tongue but failing miserably, âIâm not your type of girl. Whatâs there to worry about?â
Loganâs face fell. He pushed the door closed behind him.Â
âIs that what this is about? Thatâs why you went out?â
âWhy do you care?âÂ
You still had your back to him, furiously shuffling through clothing in your dresser.
âStop.âÂ
You felt his hands on your arms as he came up behind you, paralyzing you in your spot.
You let him turn you around gently, almost chest to chest.
âI didnât mean that.â
âYou donât have to lie to spare my feelings -â
âIâm not.â
He leaned back a little to force you to look him in the eye.
âI only said that - listen, I only said that because - â Logan paused, biting his lip till it nearly bled, but you shook your head and slipped by him again.
âPlease, donât treat me like Iâm stupid, Logan.â
You sounded so exasperated, tears forming in your eyes when you turned your back to him.
âFuck,â he sighed, âI only said that because I didnât want you to like me.â
You wiped the tear that rolled down your cheek and turned back to him, a confused expression on your face.
âIt worked, are you happy?â
âNo, Iâm not - â
âWell, guess it backfired. Get out of my room.â
You were face to face again, keeping your mouth in a tight line so your lip wouldnât quiver. It felt stupid to cry in front of him, but you couldnât really help it once it started.Â
âOh, god, please, donât cry,â he begged, leaning down and actually bringing a hand up to your face to wipe away a tear that rolled down your cheek. You wanted to smack it away, tell him again to just get the hell out , but you couldnât.
âWhy would you do that?â You mumbled out quietly, finally letting the overwhelming feeling of sadness cancel out any rage you had for him. You couldnât look him in the eye again, concentrating on the throw rug you were standing on.
âIâm so sorry, princess, I am. Iâm really fucking stupid,â he huffed.Â
You were surprised by the softness of his voice and finally tore your eyes from the floor. Heâd called you that before, but usually in a teasing way. This time it sounded endearing, like a plea of your name.Â
âAnd what happened there, at the club? âSheâs not interestedâ, what was that about?â You continued.
He sighed, still trying to figure out what exactly it was that he wanted to say. He realized there probably wasnât much of a way to beat around the bush and he groaned, closing his eyes as he stood in front of you to make spilling his guts a little less agonizing.
âI like you - like you a lot, and I was an asshole because I figured if you hated me, you couldnât like me back and it would save you the trouble.â
Hearing no response, he finally opened his eyes to see you still standing in the same spot, your lips parted.
âSave me the trouble of what?â
You were confused, your eyes narrowed as if you were angry.
âI donât knowâŠhaving to deal with me, I guess. I - Iâve never felt the way I feel about you for anyone else and it scares the shit out of me.â
You could hear him swallow hard, his eyes looking everywhere around the room except at you.Â
âAnd earlier, when we picked you up,â he continued, âI acted like that because I was jealous, alright? Canât stand to see some asshole on you like that, and you were dressed all nice and - I donât know.â
Youâd never heard him sound so nervous in all the time youâd known him.
âYou are my type of girl,â he finally choked out, âonly type of girl Iâd ever want.â
All you could do was inhale sharply, his words echoing in your mind.Â
âItâs alright if you hate me, I canât say I really blame you. Fuck, Iâm sorry.â
He began to walk out, convinced heâd fucked up beyond repair.
âLogan.â
Your voice stopped his hand from turning your doorknob and he turned back to you.Â
No longer crying, you tentatively stepped forward a bit, nervously playing with the front hem of your top.Â
âYouâre not something to deal with, you know,â you muttered, letting your hair fall in front of your face.
You supposed this was the point where it was your turn to explain.
âIâve liked you for a long time, Logan, probably since the day I walked in here and I just - I think I wanted someone to distract me so I wouldnât wallow in self pity because you didnât want me.â
âYou were trying to get over me,â he realized aloud, a small smile on his face to hide the hurt, âI deserved that.â
After a moment of tense silence, he spoke again.
âDid it work?â
His voice was low and soft, a tone youâd rarely heard him speak with.
You pursed your lips and finally lifted your head, taking a deep breath.Â
âNo. I donât think it was ever going to, either,â you laughed a little, âwhen that guy asked me to dance, the first thing I thought of was that he didnât look anything like you.â
Your voice trailed off a little at the end, a little embarrassed to confess that even if Logan had already flat out told you he was interested in you.
Without another word, he came close enough to reach for your hands and gently intertwine your fingers with his. He cleared his throat, nervously chewing his bottom lip before he spoke.
âCan I kiss you?â
You must have had this dream a million times over, waking up night after night and feeling so empty because none of it was real. But now, with his hands in yours, it was very real.
You eagerly pressed your lips to his, not wanting to waste another second. His lips were soft and you were encompassed in the scent of his body wash and cologne, smelling of pine and cedar wood. You brought your hands up to play with his hair at the back of his head. Logan moved his arms to wrap around your waist, pulling you further into him.Â
When you finally pulled away from each other, you were both smiling like idiots.
âWe shouldâve done that much sooner,â you giggled.
âAgreed.â
His fingers traced small circles on the exposed skin of your back, making you shiver.
He kissed you again, this time with much more intensity. It wasnât long before your tongues were in each other's mouths and you both had fumbled yourselves over to the end of your bed.
âWanted you for so long,â he mumbled between kissing your neck and jaw, his hands still sliding up and down your back, âI was so stupid.â
âWe both were,â you giggled a little, cut short into a moan when he licked your neck all the way from your collarbone to under your ear.
âL-Logan,â you gasped, unable to hide your blushing face.
He hummed into your neck, bringing his mouth to your ear, âCan I show you how sorry I am? Let me make it up to you.â
His voice made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and you let him pull you onto him to straddle his lap, lost in the feeling of his hands on you.
âMmm, uh-huh,â you hummed, mouth hung open as he sucked light marks into your neck.Â
âYou have to use your words, pretty girl,â he brought his head up to rest his forehead against yours. He cupped your jaw tenderly, almost as if youâd disappear if he let go.Â
Before you could answer, he moved his hands to drag your hips over his, grunting when he felt the pressure.
âY-yes, yeah - please,â you choked out between moans, tugging his hair harder every time he pushed and pulled your hips.
âPlease what, baby?â
âYou - you can make it up to me,â you groaned into his neck.Â
He effortlessly lifted you by your thighs and laid you with your back to the bed. You untucked his white t-shirt from his jeans as he crawled over you, desperate to get your hands underneath it. You lightly scratched your nails along his back, making him groan into your ear. He kissed down your neck to the center of your chest, gently slipping his fingers under the hem of your top and around the back.Â
âCan I take this off you, baby?â
You were already sitting up before he could finish his sentence, reaching to try and untie the knot at the back of your neck.
âEager, huh?â, he chuckled, âlet me, sweetheart.â
He wrapped his arms around your lower back to tug at the knot, feeling it come loose in his hands. He snaked his hands up to the back of your neck, doing the same to the tied strings there. When it came loose, the only thing holding the piece of fabric to you was his hands at the back of your neck. He let it slip from his fingers, a smirk on his face when it fell completely.
You threw the garment somewhere to the floor and tugged on the collar of his t-shirt, bringing him down with you as laid back again and pressed your lips to his. He pulled back for a moment to yank his shirt off and immediately return his mouth to yours, making his way down to your neck. He brought both his hands to your chest and swept his thumbs over your hard nipples, eventually bringing his lips to them and sucking.Â
âAh - Logan,â you whined, making him smile against your skin.
âI like it when you say my name, pretty girl,â he mumbled, dragging his fingers down your sides and hooking them into the waistband of your pants. He kissed all the way down to your hips, moving himself to lay on his stomach with his head between your thighs.Â
Before he could ask you if it was alright to rid you of them, you were already unbuttoning your pants and pushing them down your hips and thighs. He took them off the rest of the way for you and you kicked your panties off with them.
He hooked his arms around your thighs to pull you closer, licking his lips and resting his cheek on the inside of your thigh.
âI thought about you a lot, you know - like this,â he huffed, his warm breath fanning over your pussy.
You had your hands in his hair already, swiping fallen strands of hair out of his face.
âI thought about you like this, too,â you admitted, sighing as he started to plant kisses right above where you wanted him the most.
âYeah?â
His teasing voice brought goosebumps to your skin and you nodded, gasping when you finally felt his lips graze your clit.
âThis what you think about when you fuck yourself?â He mumbled into you, the vibration of his voice making you tighten your grip in his hair. He growled like an animal, trying to push you even further into his mouth by the grip on your thighs.
You were trying to choke out an answer, distracted by the wet sounds of him messily eating you out.
âY - ah, yes, yeah - not as good as the real thing, though.â
He laughed with his mouth still attached to you and you tightened your thighs around his head, keeping him in place.
He could have spent hours with his mouth to your cunt, practically fucking you with his tongue while you whined his name.Â
A knock on your door sounded through the room, the both of you freezing in place.
âHey, I just wanted to check on you. Are you feeling okay?â
It was Scott.
 You grimaced, thankful at the very least that your door was locked, but Logan had a terribly smug smirk on his face.Â
âY-yeah, Iâm alright, just - just tired,â you managed to choke out, stuttering when you felt two of his fingers slip into you effortlessly.
âYou sure?â
You sighed, hating and loving Logan at the same time for what he was doing.Â
âYup, th-thank you, mâ jusâ gonna go to bed.â
Scott responded with a goodnight and you groaned in relief when you heard him walk away.
Logan was curling his fingers inside of you, still lapping at your pussy and letting you use your grip on his hair to angle his head however you wanted him. You felt the pressure in your lower stomach rise and you tried to warn him, tugging on the hair on the back of his head.
âLogan, Iâm - â
âCâmon, pretty girl, câmon.â
His encouragement sent you over the edge, euphoria blooming from your lower stomach and spreading through you. You had to cover your mouth to muffle your pornographic moans, but Logan reached up to tug your wrist.
âUh-uh, wanna hear you, beautiful,â he mumbled into you, practically pushing your thighs even further around his head.
âFuck, L-Logan, too - too sensitive,â you stuttered out, trying to pull his face away by his hair and failing miserably because of his grip around your thighs.
He eventually reluctantly detached himself and crawled back on top of you, sucking the taste of you off his fingers.Â
âI could do that for hours, you know, if you let me,â he groaned, pulling your hips up to him so you could feel the weight of his hard cock underneath his jeans.
Still sensitive, you reactively gripped his biceps and dug your fingernails into his skin. You were going to apologize and were quickly cut off by the guttural moan he let out into the side of your neck.
âFuck,â he groaned, rocking his hips against yours.
âYouâre into pain, huh?âÂ
You figured it was your turn to tease him, dragging your fingernails from his shoulders all the way down his back.
âYouâre gonna pay for that, pretty girl,â he grunted, moving quickly to undo his belt and strip himself of the rest of his clothing.Â
When his cock sprung up and hit his stomach as he took off his boxers, you swallowed hard; already feeling a wanting ache in your stomach again. You figured he was big - he was already a tall guy, after all - but he was far bigger than any guy youâd ever seen. Logan noticed the way you bit your lower lip, resting himself on top of you again and bringing his thumb up to pull your lip from under your teeth.
âWhat, are you nervous? Itâs alright sweetheart, Iâm not gonna hurt you.â
His voice was so soft and gentle, a tone you rarely ever heard from him.Â
You could feel the weight of his cock against your inner thigh, heavy and already leaking.Â
â âm not nervous, I want you, please,â you begged, wrapping your legs around his waist. You reached your hand between your bodies to line him up with your entrance, trying to push him in with your legs around his waist.Â
âYou sure?â he huffed, trying with every muscle in his body to not slam into you in one thrust.Â
You nodded eagerly, scratching at his lower back.Â
Logan couldnât help himself and gave in, slipping himself into you.
âSo tight,â he groaned into your neck, pushing himself in even further.
âYou - fuck - youâre so fucking big,â you admitted truthfully, nearly drooling at the feeling of him stretching you out.Â
âFeels good?â
It was hard for him to speak when you were so wet that he was nearly slipping out of you as he gently rocked his hips back and forth, trying to be gentle and let you adjust to his size.Â
âMm - uh-uh,â you hummed, gasping each time he pushed further.
âUse your words, sweetheart,â he huffed and you groaned, digging your nails into him.Â
âY-yes, yeah - want you all the way in,â you whimpered.
That was all it took for him to be buried in you, grinding his hips into yours so that you were pinned to the mattress.Â
He worked up to a devastating pace, practically slamming your headboard into the wall.
âS-someoneâs gonna - someoneâs gonna hear us,â you managed to gasp out, out of breath every time he filled you and pulled back again.Â
âDonât care, let âem,â he pressed his forehead to yours, bringing a hand up to your face to affectionately cup your cheek. It was so sweet and almost disgustingly hot, the caring gesture contrasting the intense feeling of him repeatedly slamming into the sensitive spot inside of you.Â
He really didnât have a care in the world about who heard you both, far too lost in the feeling of finally being able to have you under him like that. You had sweat soaked strands of hair stuck to your face, your eyes squeezed shut, and he was almost sure youâd never looked more beautiful.Â
âSo fucking pretty,â he huffed, his thumb swiping your bottom lip. He had an idea, one heâd considered many times when he thought of you under him like this.
âBite me.â
You raised your eyebrows in surprise, threading your hand through his hair, âare you sure?â
âPlease.â
You forcibly unsheathed your fangs, letting them tentatively poke at his thumb that was still to your lips.
He moved his hand to your throat, resting it there without tightening his grip.Â
âPlease.â
His pleading had the heat in your lower stomach rising and you obliged, sinking your teeth into his shoulder. You felt guilty - you didnât enjoy hurting people - until he was whimpering in your ear, moaning your name over and over again.Â
You bit his neck, his shoulders, his lip - all the small puncture wounds healing themselves within seconds.Â
Having him so pussy drunk and groaning praises into your ear brought the pressure in your lower stomach to a max and you cried out his name, letting him fuck you through your second orgasm.Â
â âs good, huh, princess? Come on me, câmon,â he was begging, feeling your muscles tense around him. That drove him over the edge, his hips rutting into you and his thrusts becoming sloppy. He finally let himself go, filling you and letting it drip from you onto the sheets. He pulled back a little to see the mess you had both made, your inner thighs painted with a mix of his release and yours. He went to pull out completely and you clamped your thighs around his hips again, keeping him still.
âWant me to stay?â
âMhm - please.â
The sexual tension was replaced with loving comfort, Logan keeping you to his chest as he laid you both on your side. His chin rested on the top of your head and your face was against his chest with your eyes closed. You smiled at the thump of his heartbeat in your ear, nearly letting it put you to sleep.Â
âHey, pretty girl,â he mumbled into your hair, planting a kiss on the top of your head, âyou know I love you?â
The last three words made your eyes shoot open and you looked up at him, worried youâd misheard him or maybe he was just messing with you.
âReally?â
âOf course. You think I wouldâve done that with you if I wasnât in love?â
You thought hard for a second, realizing he was right. It wasnât that he hadnât had hookups before, but it had been quite a long time since heâd bothered to even get to know someone like that. He wasnât the type to lead you on, either - always up front with you, even if he didnât have to be.Â
âI love you too,â you answered, unable to hide the wide smile on your face.
âI shouldâve told you much sooner,â he sighed, his eyes fluttering closed as you snuggled into him again.
Before you could both fall asleep from exhaustion, he yanked the comforter over the both of you, hearing you mumble sleepily.
âYou can make it up to me some more.â
ââââââââĄâââââââââââââââĄâââââââ
A/N: If you made it to the end I love you <3 pls lmk what you think and reblog+like if you enjoyed!! also still navigating how to write smut without using cringe terminology so forgive me if that part sucks
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett fic#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine x reader#wolverine fic#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine smut#wolverine
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⧠i'll show you (if you'll let me).
⯠there is a certain touch of beauty to witnessing a side of theirs revealed to you so naturally. it becomes as easy as breathing if you just let it happen... so, will you? ( or in other words, a way you enable them to be themselves. )
#STARRING. aventurine, dr. ratio, sunday, dan heng ft. gn!reader. { 4.2k words }
#TAGS. fluff, established relationship. more: minor spoilers for aven's backstory (described mostly abstractly), ratio is referred to by his first name, i called sunday a nerd (sorry), dr. ratio & dan heng are certified workaholics.
#P/S. i think i may have yapped a little considering the word count but i hope it ends up being a good kind of yapping. tysm for reading! âĄ
© seelestia on tumblr, may 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.
â
ă masterlist.
will you let aventurine hold you close when he sleeps? . . . whether it's an arm slung over your hips or his nose buried in your shoulder or fingers tracing shapes onto your skin. he doesn't ask for too much; only that you grant him the permission to cradle you in his arms, somewhere within his reach. it's a habit, he hopes you don't mind.
you have to wonder, though. considering the plenitude of pillows on the bed, why do his hands still seek you out? with all the credits he spent on those cotton-stuffed angels, you thought aventurine would relish them a bit more. but ah-ah, see? that is where you're wrong. sure, the pillows are extremely comfy but he always has a preference for things with much, much more value.
and the truth â well, his truth â is that even the softest cushions from oti mall couldn't compare to the privilege of laying his head on your chest, he'd say. especially when you brush his hair with your fingers - oh, one of the easiest ways to paradise. truly, the best value there is! can you blame a man for being honest and a little lovesick?
(âsappy,â you accuse. he pouts, offended.)
but aventurine has a flair for theatrics, you know that. his witty quips are as feather-light in weight as light-hearted they are in intent. but his touch - in the forms of kind caresses or rhythmic taps to a tune from his forgotten culture - lingers on your skin, with a yearning so heavy. you question whether it could be nostalgia or instead, silent awe at a reality he never imagined could ever be his.
(kakavasha remembers. clinging onto you for warmth like he once did to his sister, falling asleep with her prayers to mama fenge in his ears. the avgins believed gaiathra triclops to be the symbol of humility; so naturally, their prayers to her should also be humble, not too quiet but not too loud. all in moderation. for a frail child like him, those gentle prayers alone were enough to let him drift into a dreamless slumber and to ignore the shackles of reality if not for the briefest moments.
time passed. came a time where the melody he associated with slumber was no longer a soft voice lulling him but pure static, a noise to distract his mind from the chains around his wrists. they burned themselves onto his skin, searing, but he was already too familiar with the sensation to care. the mark on his neck was unwelcome, laughing at him, but he too laughed at his own pitiful reflection so what's the difference, anyway?
time passed again, the call of slumber then turned into clattering noises of chips doused in gold and dice thrown onto a surface. he thought it'd stay that way forever but before long, it morphed into up-and-down waves he couldn't decipher initially. they're gentle, faint like a human's breathing: your breathing as you allowed him to lie beside you for the first time, he realized back then. although he deems himself unworthy, an ugly grime on your pristine existence that still insists on cradling him â but despite it all, he finds this last melody to be his favorite so far.)
⧠a moment among the stars:
ticklish.
the sensation, minor yet still impactful enough, causes you to stir out of sleep. the light of noon greets your eyes and you become vaguely cognizant that the root of it all is the tufts of blond hair brushing against your neck.
there is a solid weight on your torso and a pair of slender arms loosely wrapped around your waist - but they're nothing you haven't grown used to. you comb your fingers through the messy locks licking at your skin, instinctively, and the fragrant scent of what you register as penacony's limited edition perfume kisses your nose.
â...ugh, what system time is it?â you let out a grunt, shifting around slightly to let your limbs breathe. you don't get an answer to your question, instead, aventurine's arms reestablish their hold on you. hooking you closer to him as if to wring out whatever proximity is left, if there is even any. his simple proclamation of âwho cares?â, in a sense.
there it is again, that ticklish feeling. you feel soft lips grazing feather-like kisses against your collarbone. oh, he definitely isn't letting go just yet. truly merciless, a dozy morning thought accompanied by your tired sigh. the noise still comes out fond, however, so your feigned act of annoyance is fooling no one.
âit's warm, you know,â you grumble. but the yawn escaping your mouth right after betrays whatever stern image you're trying to adopt. not like you can ever be too stern with him. aventurine knows this, yes, and he gives you an A+ for effort each time.
âmhm,â he finally speaks, snuggling into your chest with no care about anything in the world, âg'morning to you too, lovely.â
his favorite mornings aren't his favorite if not thanks to your innocuous complaints and delightful attempts at pushing his pretty face away, no? a lazy grin graces the stoneheart's lips and eyes like exquisite gems, although sleepy, flutter open to gaze at you languidly. he takes the sight of you in then lets out a sigh - a fond noise just like yours earlier; the both of you really are two peas of a pod.
you must look a terrible mess right now and yet, the sight of you has aventurine smiling dazedly. âah, what a spectacular sight. i really am the luckiest man in the galaxy,â he hums in approval. you want to roll your eyes but stops as he leans up to pepper (ah, one necessary correction: smother) kisses all over your face, arms dragging you closer to his chest like a cage. your eyes widen comically. what a nefarious trap, he has the advantage!
every remnant of sleepiness clinging to your mind evaporates. you squeal with laughter, shoving at his shoulder using the strength of a baby deer because no, you don't really want him to stop. he knows that too, of course.
âmwah, mwah, mwahââ
âpfft...! kakavasha, i can't breathe!â
(he has half a mind to pinch his skin, as if to remind himself that this is real. he can feel your giggles tickling his skin as if to tell him in return: yes, you are.)
will you let veritas pour his heart out after a long day? . . . well, that could count as too much of an overstatement. others say, âthat man is like a brick wall!â some more dare to whisper, âdoesn't his temper already exhaust whatever emotional quota he has?!â needless to say, everyone knows that dr. ratio is a man ruled by the mind, not by the heart. alright, that's quite true - but does that imply he has discarded the latter altogether? if so, then you beg to differ.
(not in the literal sense, of course! the heart is a vital organ of the body. saying otherwise would be akin to spitting on his shiny phd in biology... or his seven other phd's at that.)
the pedestal which the public places veritas ratio on reaches still great heights, even if it may not rival an ivory tower a member of the genius society resides in. it is so high up that mundane troubles of those below can't reach a genius like him, surely? well, as tall as he stands - somehow, the universe grants you a front row seat for a particular sight that proves otherwise.
if only they knew the doctor has a habit of mumbling these incomprehensible (more like barely intelligible) grumbles under his breath, striking a resemblance similar to a grumpy old cat. if you strain your ears hard enough, you might catch a â...this has to be it...â or â...i dare not think so...â from time to time as he roams around the room with materials in his hands.
(absurd, people would say. but you think it's extremely cute.)
veritas doesn't say it out loud - but you can tell by the hunch in his stiff shoulders, by the one or two sighs he huffs every six minutes - that he is itching to tell somebody of all the tomfooleries he has encountered today. of course, the topics he laments about vary; it's only when you hear him exhaling the loudest sigh that you get to find out.
mostly though, it's about his students and remarks on how they can further improve their performance â sure, he could phrase it a little gentler â but you still find it sweet that he cares. if not that, then it'd be about indolent colleagues, complicated formulae and more. on some days, he'll even let out an exasperated âtruly mind-boggling! could you believe that?â to which you'd reply with an âuh-huh, go on.â
at the end of a ranting session, veritas takes careful note to leave a kiss on your person afterward. no matter where it is - on the lips, the cheek or your hand. no matter where you are - sitting on the couch beside him, behind the kitchen counter or across the room. the warmth that stays on your skin when he pulls away is somewhat tingly. appreciative, you think, especially when he looks at you with such loving eyes that his colleagues would be sure to retch in shock if they were a witness.
looks like you are right on the money; he has never discarded his heart, after all. so yes, to rephrase - will you lend veritas a listening ear when he needs it?
⧠a moment among the stars:
â...yet another headache.â
as unsubtle as ever, the doctor's complaint is barely hidden behind the guise of a mumble. those neatly styled violet bangs of his aren't doing an excellent job at concealing that frown strewn across his forehead either. veritas's posture is tense, a dead giveaway, as he goes over the piles of documents on his desk.
you cock an eyebrow upon seeing the stamp belonging to the intelligentsia guild on one of the papers. definitely work. it has been two system hours since he took a seat at the work desk, you concur, or lifted a finger to do something besides flipping through drafts. a mere glance at the stack of documents is enough to convince you that those researchers at the guild must really value veritas's input.
a perk of being a genius, maybe? the phantom of a weight lands alight on your shoulders. with a mug of black coffee in hand, you make your way to him. your footsteps are without a sound, only the noise of porcelain being placed down onto woodenware is enough to announce your arrival. ârough day at work?â you ask, peering down at his progress.
(a doctor's handwriting really is something. you resist the urge to squint.)
veritas doesn't seem to mind. if the way he smiles at the sight of you, albeit tiredly, is any indication. âhah,â he rests a hand on his temple and scoffs wryly, âso much grievances like you wouldn't believe.â
oh, he is teetering on the precipice of a tangent but stops himself. â...fret not, i'm fine. this is hardly something beyond my expertise,â he shakes his head, the motion causing his reading glasses to slide down a smidgen down the bridge of his nose.
you're too familiar with the self-assured bravado he puts on. you're quite endeared, actually. âokay, mr. i-require-no-rest,â you take the glasses off his face and he breaks into a frown. at the childish tone you're using or for having his reading glasses taken away, you don't know.
âwhy don't you take a little break?â you suggest. veritas sighs, âneed i remind you that dilly-dallying is for fools who wish to waste their time?â and crosses his arms defiantly. he knows your strategy, he has come face-to-face with it several times.
âdo you think a break with me is a waste of time?â you present him with a rhetorical question, quite the difficult adversary.
(and he keeps losing to it every single time.)
âwell, that'sââ the doctor nearly splutters, taken aback. âthat's different if you insist on inserting yourself as a variable,â he infers, putting emphasis on the last part accompanied by an incredulous look.
âthe answer is up for debate then,â you shrug with a cheeky smile. your hand then deftly lifts the mug you previously set down to your lips, veritas's eyes dilate in bewilderment. âso,â you hum at the rich taste of your handiwork, âwanna tell me about your day? haven't heard about the council in a while.â
âyouââ he gasps in defeat, âi thought that was supposed to be my mug of coffee.â
(he has a slight pout on his face, but you dare not point it out lest it disappears in the blink of an eye.)
âour mug of coffee,â you take a few more sips with an innocent decadence. âall is fair in love and war, doctor.â
âi can never win with you,â he buries his face in his palm with a groan. you laugh heartily, a sound that chimes like quaint little bells in his ears - it elicits a reaction from his lips, for them to quirk up at the corners in the smallest of ways.
âregardless. . .â veritas relents and reaches for your free hand. you let him. âit seems a break wouldn't be so amiss, after all,â he then presses a kiss on the side of your wrist, affectionate.
(your heart skips a beat.)
will you let sunday regale you with facts you've never heard of before? . . . a man of eloquent words, no less a man of educated mind. you have no doubt that the books in the dewlight pavilion really aren't just there for show - not that you're allowed to browse through them at your own desire. a servant's voice would stop you in your tracks should your fingers ever brush against something in the family's secret bookshelf.
how mysterious.
but sunday makes it known to the staff that you, in particular, are allowed more access to the shelves - perhaps, not too much - but more than even mr. mccoy, at least. with the way you have to crane your neck far up to pinpoint the tallest height that the shelves reach, you wonder: has sunday gone through everything here personally?
your immediate answer is most likely. you know sunday fairly well; to have something that he hasn't scrutinized from the inside out in his possession will surely gnaw away at his psyche incessantly. not being in the know at all times is a looming fear for him. but of course, you have other ways to confirm the answer for yourself.
pick out a book from a shelf there, either intentional or purely arbitrary, and watch as sunday carefully traces his steps towards you. his curiosity is piqued, which topic has caught your interest this time? but he tucks it under proper cordiality. with a hand behind his back, he'd utter your name in the softest tone and ask the familiar question of âwould you like to know more?â â asking for your permission to ramble, essentially â you find this tendency of his to be charming, so you nod each time.
(and he smiles when you do. a smile less refined at the edges, kinder and relaxed.)
the best place to start from is always the beginning. you think sunday agrees because he often starts by telling you the history and its origins before moving on to its impact on the galaxy, then his personal stance on the topic. it's a pattern, you notice, his ramblings have a pattern. and it's consistent every time, you might've believed he was reading off a script. and what's more? sunday is blissfully oblivious of it.
fascinating. you ponder: what kind of things you can do with this information? decisions, decisions, decisions. . . but ultimately, you opt for keeping it a secret like a treasure only you're allowed to see.
(that might be true in a way. you don't doubt that robin, his dear sister, is familiar with this side of him. does that mean he treasures you like he does her? your chest starts to feel a bit lighter.)
if you were to point it out, you fear you might never witness it again - goodness, to know that he has been displaying such foolishness or rather, what he viewed as an embarrassing freudian slip in front of you? his wings might as well resort to covering his face for good until the end of time.
as you listen to him talk (with such elegance at that), you can't help whatever tender look you have on your face. really, who would've thought the head of the oak family could be such. . . a nerd?
(you hope in secret that sunday will be more willing to show sides like these to you in the future. and that they're not a weakness at all, not when they're shared with you.)
⧠a moment among the stars:
âit looks like you're fascinated by the dreamscape nursery rhyme this time.â
sunday spares the article in your hold no further inspection. one glance at the cover and walls of memorized information rush to the front of his mind. he looks familiar with it; could it be a part of his childhood too? but then again, everything found here is within his knowledge.
âi am,â you say with intrigue, âit got me ruminating for a while.â
you meet his gaze, stumbling upon yellow irises that glimmer akin to gold under penaconian chandeliers. you think you see a hint of affection in them, swimming around your reflection like a school of fish in a pond. it makes you smile.
he smiles back, oblivious to your thoughts but returns your gesture. he asks, âhow so?â and you reply without delay, âi read through it and the morbid undertone took me by surpriââ
or at least, it's supposed to be without delay until you realize sunday has stepped closer in order to peer down at the page you're holding open. and suddenly, you're extremely aware of every minute detail like how his breath brushes against the side of your cheek and how his chest rumbles as he hums in acknowledgement.
(you flush in the neck and he perceives this reaction of yours with mirth.)
âmy apologies,â sunday chuckles and pulls away, âi've simply forgotten the rhyme and wished to refresh my memory.â
âsomehow, i feel that isn't the case...â you mumble accusingly. that seems to amplify whatever little amusement he gets from flustering you. âoh, my dove. i can assure you that it is,â he caresses your head, a little placatingly.
most times, sunday isn't so laidback about giving affection in public â since he has an image to maintain â so you assume the fact that the servants are out and about, leaving only you and him here, plays a role in his unusual boldness. you accept the gesture with a bashful pout.
ânow, where were we?â sunday clears his throat, âah, yes. some people have noted on the nursery rhyme's strange quality but still, it retains its popularity in penacony. it is also widely assumed that the hound resembles the bloodhound family whileââ
you hold back an amused sigh, but it's more out of fondness than anything. he'll start from the history then the effect on the general public, as per usual, but you're not the only predictable one here. you'd listen to him anytime too, won't you?
(you do adore when the head of the oak family would put off his public figure mask around you. if only for just a while.)
will you let dan heng rest his head on your lap when it's just you two? . . . the sense of comfort it provides isn't something he can explain with words. as if he has ever been good with words in the first place. saying a sentence bereft of logical reasoning or witty remarks doesn't come easily to the expressâ guard. neither does intimacy. . . but you know that already, don't you?
after all, it isn't a secret that dan heng prefers speaking with his actions. if to show one's intentions is the end goal, then actions are the fastest route to choose. words, although able to sweeten the trip like how a beautiful scenery can, will eventually lead to actions regardless so why take the extra step?
but you're different from him; you articulate what you think and what you mean. you're honest in ways that keep catching dan heng off guard without fail â just like the first time you offered your empty lap to him when his head was swirling in pain â but he supposes that is one of your charms. âwords can be useful. we're not all born mind readers,â you told him once and he hummed, accepting of your perspective.
(âlook at you two! opposites attract!â march chirped. he recalled shooting her a look of indignation and she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly in response.)
dan heng has learnt to grow used to your propensities - but by far, your shameless invitations are still one matter that can't be comprehended even with time. he cannot understand; how you smile as you sit on his futon in the archives (he doesn't mind), how you link gazes with him so effortlessly, how you pat your lap knowingly and say, âwhy don't you rest your head here?â
(he has to restrain himself from bursting into flames like a heliobus.)
sometimes, he'll accept reluctantly or he'll decline with an underlying tone of longing he doesn't want you to notice. because as much of a good hold dan heng has on nonchalance, he cannot deny that this particular gesture of yours has left a mark on him.
(it remains persistently.)
when he rests his head on your lap, he can't help but take a deep inhale - your fragrance fills his senses and he discards the selfish desire to keep it all to himself. your fingers are soothing as they thread through his hair gently. the feeling that washes over him is serene, almost comparable to submerging himself in the pure waters of scalegorge waterscape.
when overcome by such a tranquil state of mind, dan heng wonders what expression he might be making at that moment? he always keeps his eyes closed, so it's a shame he may never know. but you do, and you don't think you've ever seen him look so at peace before like he does now.
(perhaps, that's why you keep offering him this in the first place.)
⧠a moment among the stars:
âsomeone looks tired,â you state with a pointed stare. the archives isn't a room too spacious and the only ones here are you and him. the target of your sentence is obvious.
but dan heng doesn't take the bait, barely looks away from the entry he is currently authoring. still, he spares you a glance and hums glibly, âare you projecting? if so, feel free to use my bed in the meantime.â
you let out a noise, something gibberish that conveys disappointment but it is effectively drowned out by the typing noises. âyou haven't even touched the food i bought you,â your voice becomes mellow, âwhy don't you rest for a while?â
he isn't convinced, you think, since his fingers are still hard at work. the new info the team brought back must've been a lot if he's that focused.
âdan heng?â you try again, hopeful for the last time. you don't take him for a fool, of course, he'll know when he reaches his limit and have proper rest then. but would that really be ideal? a second passes and that hope flickers like a dimming light. but just an inch before the edge of giving up, the typing slows to a stop.
â. . .alright,â he murmurs. finally, after a good hour spent drawing patterns on his backside with your eyes, dan heng turns around to face you. he look tense, you note with abject concern.
âhere,â you usher him to your lap, empty and conveniently so. dan heng shoots you a blank look - this isn't the first time you offered and this isn't the first time he reacted like that. you try to suppress a laugh, failing gloriously at it. âjust for a little bit,â you utter through a stifled fit of chuckles.
dan heng shakes his head, not in rejection but in defeat. his eyes slip close, second nature, as he leans to situate his head on your lap. you welcome him with a hum and let your fingers card through his hair. a calm sigh falls from his lips like a water droplet in springtime.
âthis. . . is nice,â he admits, sudden and unprompted. you nearly doubt your ears for a moment there. did heâ âi don't hate it is, uhm, what i mean to say,â dan heng adds and it dawns on you that your ears are still working. his eyes are still closed, not that you'd expect anything else, he prefers to treat it as a shield from being face-to-face with embarrassment.
(or to avoid your ecstatic gaze. he can feel warmth rushing to his cheeks already.)
âi know,â you smile, brushing away a few messy strands from his forehead. he isn't an open book but you think you've read the pages enough to remember all the little details. âbut thanks for telling me. i'm no mind reader but i think i can read yours pretty well.â
âi shall provide no further comment,â he holds back an incredulous exhale, yet his lips still curl slightly at the corner. you feel the teeniest desire to trace the curve of his lips with your fingertip but settle for silently admiring them instead.
âit's fine. i know the answer already,â you say, words dripping with affection. such a shame dan heng never looks up at you during a time like this. because if he did, he wouldn't have missed seeing the sheer fondness in your gaze that rains down on him in light showers. a true shame.
(one day, he'll gather the courage. maybe.)
â thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated. âĄ
#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#aventurine x reader#aventurine x you#dr ratio x reader#dr ratio x you#sunday x reader#sunday x you#dan heng x reader#dan heng x you#hsr fluff#hsr headcanons#hsr imagines#seelestial.inks
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your boyfriend cannot stop himself from kissing you all over. kissing you is his favorite thing to do - no matter when or where.
âïžïœtags. older bf!gojo satoru x female reader. suggestive, mild (to somewhat) nsfw, fluff. lots of kissing. lots and lots of kissing and loving. he fondles and gropes you everywhere basically. clingy satoru. tiny bit size difference (yes ok im a slut, what about it). body worship kinda. readers gets called âsweet / pretty girl, baby, princessâ. beta read? whatâs that.
you fell for it again; satoru told you it was only going to be a quick peck on the lips. âi promise, baby, c'moooonâ â you recall him begging in that whiny voice of his. that's all what was needed to make you putty in his hands.
âfine, but only one kiss, okay?â you gave in and walked over to satoru, climbed onto your shared bed and leaned in for a swift kissâonly for his strong arms to cage you in and never let go. it had been ten minutes since; the apartment was silent, except for the lewd sounds of your shared kisses and heavy breaths.
satoruâs soft hands are wandering everywhere. from cupping your cheeks to rubbing your sides and gripping your ass. the clock was ticking loudly, but the sound of it was drowned out by your moans. and satoruâs low, needy whimpers.
the appointment you were getting ready for had long slipped your mind.
âmh, youâre such a good kisser, baby,â the white-haired man sighs. he absolutely loves the way you follow the movements of his glossy lipsâyour head tilting to the side and backâautomatically accomodating to satoruâs motions. he was kissing you with an urgent need. one you had never known or witnessed before, âmore, ngh, need more of you, please.â
satoru was not letting up. you couldnât blame him; it was easy to get lost in this warm and cherished moment of peace. his sweet kisses switched intensityâgoing from innocent kisses to sloppy ones, resulting in your chin dripping with a mixture of saliva.
you whine and straddle satoruâs lap which earns you a happy hum from your lover. that was his plan all along: to completely distract you from the fact that you had to leave the house. that you had to leave his side. others would call it annoyingly clingy, but satoru absolutely needs your lips on his.
he is sure that he would go insane if he spent a whole day without kissing you. an hour is already too long, if he is honest.
satoru would love to kiss you until the end of time. until death comes knocking onto his door. the last thing he desires to feel is your plump lips and wet tongue wrapped around his. a peaceful, warm death. one with no regrets.
âmhmmm, fuck, you taste so sweet.â satoru's eyebrow furrow in delight. he is nearly overstimulated by the taste of you. the way your small body clings onto him, your hands holding onto his jaw and sliding down his chest, your sounds of pleasure that only he could ever have the honour of hearing.
it was perfect. all of you was perfect.
your parted lips make way for his tongue again. satoru slips his tongue inside your mouth. it was tender, yet demanding. your throat tightens up and a choked moan fills his ears. his cold fingers make contact with the warm skin of your midriff. they were aiming at one place; your chest.
the one satoru loves to fondle no matter when or where. the same one he loves to use as a pillow every night.
ânnh, âtoru, needâto breathe,â you are running out of air. the short gasps you took between the heated kisses were not enough to fill your lungs. but, it was addicting. the shortness of breath the two of you experienced only served as more proof of your love.
neither of you want to pull awayâto pause the make out session for even what could be a split second.
the older man below you is hesistant. he does not want to let go of you. it's like youâre asking him to break upâthatâs how much it hurts him to stop kissing you.
however, he felt a bit light-headed from the lack of oxygen as well. satoru pulls away, but not without sweeping his tongue over your bottom lip, lapping up the drool that dripped down the corners of your mouth.
his eyes are half-lidded and glazed over with both love and lust. you stabilise yourself by holding onto his broad shoulders and satoru rubs your back to help calm you down further. a ghost of a grin tugs at his lips. he surely is enjoying your adorable, exhausted demeanour. your chest was heaving up and downâhis fingers sneaking to your front and wrapping around a breast to feel its tenderness.
âpretty,â satoru sighs. he takes the chance once your lips part to take a deep breath. his tongue quickly slips in, invading your mouth and exploring every inch before separating the two of you again. he can not go a minute without kissing you. you sure are like a drug to him, âthank you, princess.â
you are surprised by the sudden tongue kiss, but brush it off with a chuckle. you know how satoru is; not able to keep away from you in heated moments like these. his large hands fondling, groping and squeezing every area of your body only proves that point.
âthank you for what?â you ask, planting a soft peck on his lips. your boyfriend responds by holding the back of your head. he leans in for another kiss like a man depraved of any affection. you shudder and hold onto him like he there is no tomorrow. he does the same back, squeezing you against his chest.
satoru slightly tilts his head back to answer your question. his breath was hot on your mouth, a faint string of saliva hanging between your bottom lips. he can not hold the urge. he can not answer. his lips are already colliding with yours once more.
over and over. until the two of you were out of breath and needed a break again.
âthank you for being with me,â satoru answers in a quiet whisper. the pad of his thumb brushes back and forth against the waistband of the shorts you are wearing. there is an urge to pull them down and reveal those pretty little panties you are wearing, but his current priority is to feel your mouth on his.
until he gets enough. which is never. never in a million years.
âthank you for everything, honestly,â satoru continues and leaves a couple wet kisses down your neck. his hands do not leave your perfect body. heâs admiring every curve - every body part that had yet to be touched, âcould have never believed that iâd end up with such a pretty girl. but, here i am, with the prettiest girl in the world in my arms.â
satoru had a way with words. one that left you flustered like crazy each time. he looks at you and thatâs when you know that he means every word. his eyes were shining, even when half-lidded. the admiration in them more than just visible.
he looks at your face and body like heâs witnessing the world's greatest treasure. and that you surely are.
âstop saying that.â you giggle embarrassedly. you cover your mouth to hide your smile, though satoru is quick to grab your wrist and pull your hand away. he keeps holding onto your arm to prevent you from hiding your face from his sight. and to stop you from hiding your lips from his, of course.
the older man clicks his tongue, scolding you jokingly for trying to hide that precious smile from him. he kisses the corners of your lips, touch lingering against your hot skin, âhow am i supposed to admire my pretty girl if she keeps hiding herself, hm?â
you squirm due to satoruâs flirty words. his gentle tone of voice is making you feel those tingles in your lower abdomen. there has not been a single moment in your relationship where your lover made you feel unwanted. itâs been the complete opposite every day.
âsomeoneâs getting a bit squirmy, aye?â your boyfriend teases. he knows that the combination of his words, looks and actions make you weak in the knees. you always react like itâs your first time kissing and that is both endearing and amusing to him.
you canât control your bodily reactions either. the sight of satoru beneath you is simply too much. his fluffy hair that sits messily due to your fingers that tugged and played around with the strands, his black top riding up to reveal a glimpse of his defined abs and happy trail. . . the faint blush on satoruâs cheeks and the needy look in his eyes.
you surely canât leave him alone while he looks like that.
âshut up and kiss me already.â you respond with a huff. and so, satoru does. wasting not a single second. kissing you is his jobâhis passion. the only thing he ever craves for.
the room once again fills with noises of pure contentment, enjoyment and pleasure. itâs just you two in that momentâno one else mattered.
as long as your lips stay attached to each other, no one actually does.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#x female reader
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Youâre sitting on the couch of your shared apartment when Jason climbs in through the window, finally done with patrol. His entrance makes you look up from your phone. He reaches up and tugs his helmet off. His hair looks a little funny, but it also made him look good. He didnât need the ego boost though. You can tell he had an eventful patrol by the smile on his face.
He walks towards you and drops his hand onto your arm. He lets it slide down until his hand rests on yours. He pulls your hand to his lips in greeting. âHey, princess.â He squeezes your hand before giving it back to you.
âHow was patrol?â You watch as he strips off his outer layers of gear. The display never gets old.
âGood.â He laughs. âBut I have got to tell you what happened. Red Robin, Tim, smacked into Red Robin, the restaurant. It was completely by accident too. I begged Babs to get me the camera footage. Sheâs searching as we speak.â
You laugh at his enthusiasm and the way he laughed before he even finished the story. You ask him questions, he answers them. It continues until he goes to take his shower.
You turn back to your phone. This is where it all goes wrong, because you see a post that ruins your day. It reads, âthe first time most men receive flowers is at their funeral.â
Evil. Illegal. Unacceptable. Had you really never given Jason flowers before? You swore you did but your memory came up empty. By the time you finished your existential flower crisis, Jason finished showering and called you to bed. Heâs exhausted and falls asleep quickly. You, however, stay awake and plan. You will get the love of your life flowers. You will not let the first time he receives flowers to be at his funeral. You fall asleep trying to decide what flowers he would like best.
You wake up before him, getting up as gently as possible. If he wakes up with you, heâll trap you for cuddles in his huge beefy inescapable arms, so you must be careful. You wouldnât have been able to do it if you didnât know Jason as well as you do.
You get ready as silently and as quickly as possible before sliding out the door. The nearest flower shop isnât too far. You make it there and back in 30 minutes, and most of that time was spent deciding what flowers you wanted to get Jason.
You walk home with a bouquet of simple red roses with some babyâs breath sprinkled in. Itâs wrapped in black paper with a read bow, a color combination youâre sure heâll love.
You walk home a little slower, careful not to disturb the flowers cradled in your arms. The long walk leaves you to your thoughts. You wonder how Jason will react.
And then you get worried. What if he thinks itâs weird? Jason has never called you weird unaffectionately before, but what if this is what does it? Or, even worse, what if he pretends to like them but actually thinks itâs weird? You spiral a little and panic. You eventually walk head first into your door on muscle memory.
You make sure the flowers are okay before opening the door. You hide the bouquet behind your back. To your surprise, Jason is awake and in the kitchen. His morning voice greets you with a smile. âDid you just walk into the door?â
Your worry begins to fade and a smile crawls its way onto your face. âShut up.â
He laughs and the sound makes you blush. You love him. âYou did!â
âAnd to think I was out getting you a present.â You shake your head.
âYou got me a present?â He looks a like an excited puppy.
âI got my loving boyfriend a present. Let me know if you see him.â You pretend as if youâre about to walk out.
Jason rushes over to you smiling. âWait, no! Heâs right here! Please! I want my present!â
Before you can talk yourself out of it, you thrust the flowers at him. He takes them from you, his smile softening. âDo you like them?â
He leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. âWhat are these for? Theyâre beautiful. I love them.â You watch him feel the petals with a gentle smile that he canât seem to help.
You tell him about the post you saw, and how you couldnât let the first time he got flowers be at his funeral. He pauses. âBabe. I really love the flowers. Seriously. Best gift ever. But um. The first time I got flowers was at my funeral.â He watches your face.
You lift a hand and cover your mouth. âOh my god.â He laughs and uses one had to hug to you to his chest.
âI really love the sentiment! It means a lot! I love them so much!â He smiles into your hair as you wrap your arms around him.
âThatâs why I remember buying you flowers before but couldnât remember giving them to you. I feel terrible.â
âDonât. This was so sweet, seriously. If it wasnât the ass crack of dawn, I would cry.â
You laugh. âItâs past noon.â
He huffs. âSame thing. We were up until like 4.â
âThis is true,â you say. âI still feel so bad though. I canât believe I forgot you had a funeral already.â
He laughs and you can feel it in his chest. âThe idea was really sweet, princess. I love the flowers. You just made my day. Nay, my week.â
âAre you sure?â
âYeah, you running into the door really sealed the deal.â
You push on his chest. âI hate you.â
#saphâs thots#jason todd#jason todd x reader#red hood#red hood x reader#jason todd imagine#jason todd x you#red hood imagine#red hood x you#jason todd fluff#jason todd scenarios#red hood fluff#jason todd x reader fluff#red hood x reader fluff#fluff
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Everyone will leave me behind, right?
You overheard Satoru talking to Yuji. Why did he always feel like he was unloved? You didnât want to leave him behind, ever. You wanted to be a part of his love and his dreams, but you couldnât muster up the courage to tell him how you felt. You were his fellow teacher, his confidante, his friend. No way youâd ruin the deepest relationship youâve had with someone over your feelings, which may or may not be reciprocated.
The battle ended, and the King of Curses had been defeated. Megumi was back, courtesy of Yuji and Nobara. Satoru made it out alive, but just barely.
When you saw the world slash almost hit him, you felt your heart drop to your stomach. There was no way you could accept him being gone, and no way youâd let that happen.
You had launched an attack of your own to divert Sukunaâs slash, which prevented a critical hit for Satoru. This allowed the others to take over, and defeat the King once and for all, whilst you accompanied Satoru out of the battle.
Finally, after all was over, you didnât waste a single second and spent the whole time by Satoruâs side. You stayed with him at Shokoâs clinic, took care of him and waited for the perfect moment to tell him how you felt.
You waited until he spoke to the students, tossing their letters away since they didnât need to read them after all. He settled things with the remaining sorcerers, and finally found a moment of peace.
You found him that evening, taking a stroll through the beautiful gardens of Jujutsu Tech. He looked angelic in the soft moonlight, and you felt your heart skip a beat. He beamed ecstatically as he saw you come into view, and walked to you.
You smiled at him and held his hand, leading him to your favourite place in the garden, a secluded spot with a few stone benches and raking vines. You sat close to him and gulped.
âEverything is over now huh?â You whispered.
âWeâre all okay. Itâs over.â He replied, matching your octave.
âI know what you said to Yuji.â You felt your heart race as you continued.
âI donât know if what Iâm about to say means anything to you, but I want you to know that youâre always going to be a part of my life, Toru. Everytime I picture my future as a sorceress, no matter who else is a part of it, I know for certain you will be. All the uncertainty that we have as sorcerers means nothing to me, because I never considered that you wouldnât be there. If everyone else thinks of you as âThe Strongestâ, just know that I always think of you as Satoru. I love you, and I always want you to be a part of my life, as I am of yours.â
You stared into his eyes, scanning for any change of emotion, confusion, sadness, maybe even anger. But there was nothing. He turned his head away and looked to the sky.
Confused, and still rattled from your confession, you got up and stood right in front of him.
Your eyes widened as you saw the expression on his face.
Big, fat tears rolling down his temples and into his hair as he stared into the sky. His lips, red with the constant assault of his teeth. My god, you made him cry. You had never seen him cry, and you never would have thought he cried like this.
Your face grew worried as you cupped his cheeks.
âToru, Iâm sorry if that was too much. Please donât cry?â You tried to console him.
Suddenly, he stood up and wrapped his strong arms around your body. He buried his face into your neck and sobbed quietly. You held him tight, growing more worried by the second.
âThank you, y/n. You truly donât know how much that means to me. I want you to be a part of my life as long as I live. Youâre my dream.â
You pulled away from him, eyes welling up with tears. You reached out to touch his face, and wiped his beautiful eyes. He smiled at you so softly you could swear he was an angel.
He bent down and kissed you, as if he was waiting his whole life for you. You wrapped your arms around him as you deepened the kiss.
âLetâs go home.â
@kalopsia-flaneur
#gojo fluff#gojo headcanons#gojo imagine#gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojou satoru x reader#jjk fluff#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#gojo angst#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#satoru fluff#satoru x you#jjk gojou#jujutsu x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen satoru#jujutsu kaisen x you
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Wait until you like me again - 18+
See part 1 | Part 2 of We can't be friends (wait for your love) | See part 3
The decision to resign puts a lot of weight on your shoulders. A takedown gone wrong makes it the least of anyone's concerns, especially Spencerâs. Youâre not willing to let him back in; it feels too little, too late.
Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader
DISCLAIMER This story is NSFW and contains graphic depictions. It is intended for mature audiences only, minors do not interact! You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you donât like it, donât read. Part 2 was highly requested and Iâm sorry itâs taken so long to finish.
WARNING Panic attack mentioned, slight PTSD depictions, drugs (GHB), Case details (very poorly thought out). Violence: canon typical - strangulation, drugging, guns/gunshots. Proceed at your own risk.
Word count: 10.3K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.
The most annoying part about making a decision in haste is the clarity of the situation when the dust settles. Itâd taken Hotch just over two minutes to message you after youâd sent your email.Â
From: Boss Man đ¶ đ My office, first thing tomorrow.Â
You didnât take into account that youâd have to explain your sudden resignation to your unit chief, or that youâd need to think of a good enough goodbye to lessen the hurt of abandoning your friends. These are people you consider your found family; youâre leaving behind years worth of bonds with no proper warning or closure, in a measly few weeks. Your reasoning had to be good enough to convince them that this was for the best.Â
To convince you that this was for the best.Â
Youâd spent the whole night in tears, racking your brain for an excuse, because âthe person you care most about in this world and unrequited love of your life telling you that he didnât want to see your face was a pathetic reason for discarding your lifeâs work. No matter how hard you tried, you couldnât think of adequate justification. Even as the sun rose and you made your way through your pre-work routine, nothing came to mind.Â
âYou canât love me.â
Any time you tried to conjure up a defence your thoughts would wander back to Spencer. Too many words had been exchanged between you and your former best friend in the span of four months and not a single one of them properly explained why he was so butt-hurt. He loves you too much, but doesnât want you to love him? Thatâs your understanding, at least.Â
âPlease donât come back here. Itâs hard enough at work, I donât want to see your face in my personal time too.âÂ
Since youâd left his apartment the previous night, youâd been cycling through all the stages of grief in record time. Spencer once told you that people tend to remember more negative memories than positive. He was right. You couldnât recall a lot of your happier memories with him. All you could think about was the two conversations where heâd hurt you in ways you never imagined he would.Â
Youâre not sure exactly what part of you snapped at that moment, all you knew was that you were done making him the centre of your universe. Spencer Reid played no part in your decisions moving forward. He was not the reason for your departure with the BAU, a lie you made sure to relay to Hotch during your meeting with him.
âIâm just surprised, thatâs all. Where is this even coming from?â He inquired from across you, hands folded neatly against his desk.
âI just think itâs time for me to try new things, you know?â It was a pathetic excuse, but less pathetic than the actual reasoning.Â
âI try not to interfere with the personal lives of the team, but this is just soâŠsudden. I have to wonder if this has to do with Spencer?â
âThis has nothing to do with him.â You go out of your way to avoid saying his name, suspecting you might taste poison.Â
Hotchâs brow raises, as if his brain has been alerted to key information, head marginally tilting to the side like it does when he catches a lie. He doesnât say anything, eyes narrowing in on you in stoic fashion. You feel like a petulant child thatâs about to receive a scolding from their father.Â
âHonâHonestlyâŠHotch, I justââ
Three rapid knocks cut you off, the door to the office swinging open without waiting for a reply.Â
âSir, Hello, Iâm sorry to interrupt but itâs an emergency. That case we were consulting on for Anchorage PD?â Garcia bursts into the room, slightly discoloured and more panicked than normal. âWell, five more bodies were discovered. Two of them pre-date who we initially thought was the first victim.â
âGarcia, tell everybody to meet on the jet ASAP. Weâll debrief on the flight.â Hotch orders abruptly standing from his seat. âYou and I can finish this meeting later. This case is now our top priority, wheels up.âÂ
Emily, Rossi and Derek were already in their seats when you boarded. You secured your go bag in one of the overhead compartments and temporarily took a seat next to Derek.Â
âHow bad do you think this one is gonna be?â Derek sighs, dreading the horrors that await your arrival.Â
âWeâre up to thirty six bodies and counting. Whoever this unsub is, theyâve been at it a while. So, bad.â You answer honestly.Â
âSpeaking of bad, is everything okay?â
âThat was not even remotely smooth.â You scoff.Â
âIâm just asking as a concerned friend.â He shoots his hands up in defence.
âWhat happened to the days where we at least tried to mind our business. You know, at least asked each other about our weekend plans before jumping into interrogation mode.â You roll your eyes and smirk.Â
âHeyyy, woahâ no oneâs interrogating anyone.â Derek chuckles. âWhat are your plans for the weekend?â
It wasnât long before everybody had made their way on the jet, Spencer being the last one. You didnât notice his arrival, too engulfed in your conversation. He definitely noticed you though. The sound of your giggles caught his attention the second he was in ear shot. He didnât like how warm he felt at the sight of your smiling face. What he disliked more was that he could instantly tell that it wasnât a genuine smile.Â
He quietly made his way to his self assigned seat on the couch, trying his hardest to focus on anything but you. Every laugh that Morgan coaxed out of you bothered him. Spencerâs agony only ended once the jet had successfully taken off.Â
âAlright letâs get started.â Hotch declared and everybody moved to gather around.Â
With all the details laid out by Garcia through the monitor, everybody began stating facts and suggestions. You wrapped up soon enough and retreated to an isolated seat in the back of the jet. It was an almost eight hour flight, seven of which you were planning to use to come up with a solid plan to announce your departure. Life always has to throw a wrench in your plans though, because the lack of sleep from the night before caught up to you and you dozed off almost immediately. Had you any energy left in your body, you might have been privy to the eyes that were on you.Â
âShe didnât say anything as to what the meeting was about?â JJ hushedly pries from her raven haired co worker in the cramped kitchenette. Â
âNo, but Garcia said that âthe air in his office was really tenseâ.â Emily relays, her fingers mimicking quotation marks. âDid Hotch say anything?â
âNo. He just gave me his usual dry look and told me to focus on the case.â JJ rolls her eyes at the thought and leans back against the counter.Â
Despite being the FBIâs most decorated task force, the agents of the BAU werenât strangers to workplace gossip. Youâd just entered the bullpen this morning when Hotch frantically summoned you to his office, not even giving you time to set your things down at your desk. Witnessing the events sparked a guessing game sparked amongst the team.Â
âIs it something we should know about?â Sitting across from Hotch, even Rossi succumbed to his curiosity.Â
âDave youâre not normally one to pry.â Hotch smirks, keeping his eyes on the case-file laid out in front of him.Â
âNo Iâm not. But with the events of the past few months...â Rossi sips his coffee, staring at his younger superior expectantly. â...thereâs been some talk Aaron.â
âTalk?â Hotch meets Rossiâs eyes.
âMhm.â Rossi nods. âApparently youâre transferring one of our two youngest members because they havenât been able to put their differences aside.â
âIâm not transferring anyone. Where did this come from?â The alarm in his tone makes Rossi snicker.
âOffice drama. You know how it is. And while you may not be transferring anybody,â he sets his mug down and looks towards where youâre sound asleep. âIâm guessing somebody is leaving. Hence this morning's meeting.â
âWeâre not supposed to profile each other, you know.â Hotch sighs. âIâd appreciate it if you could keep this contained. I havenât had a chance to properly discuss this with her yet and I think sheâd prefer to break the news herself.âÂ
As you had predicted the case was by no means an easy one. On the first day everybody was split into groups to follow up with the M.E, victimsâ families and examine the crime scenes. All the evidence and information gathered wasnât enough to narrow the profile any more than the generic: male, mid thirties to early forties, hates women. You were now three days in with no viable leads.Â
You were especially frustrated because you felt that you werenât working as well as you could. The stress of your announcement was taking its toll, you were unable to properly converse with your team out of guilt. Hotch sent everyone back to their hotel rooms with the idea that you would start fresh tomorrow. Normally you would room with Spencer, but lately JJ and Emily have been taking turns rooming with both of you. This time you were with Emily.
âI think this may be the first night weâve gotten to turn in early.â Emily yawns as she dramatically stretches her limbs.
âIâm just glad we got to turn in at all, for a while there it looked like we may have to pull another all nighter.â You force a giggle, exasperated. Â
âYou okay?â She doesnât miss a beat, taking the opportunity to ask about your uneasiness.Â
âYeah, fine.â You smile, but it doesnât quite reach your eyes.Â
âYouâre going to snap at some point, you know?â She examines your closed off posture, trying to figure out a way to get you to open up. âSomethingâs clearly wrong. Talk to me.â
âWeâre all on edge right now. Itâs this case.â You hope that youâre being convincing enough.Â
âIt's more than that. Youâve been distant from everybody.â Emily briefly thought back to the Ian Doyle debacle, recognising all the signs of somebody preparing to run away at any given moment.Â
âIâm aware that Iâm not working to my full potentialââ
âThatâs not what I mean and you know that.â She steps closer to you. âI canât force you to tell me whateverâs actually on your mind, but I would really appreciate it if you would. I hate seeing you soâŠdetached. Not just from us, but from yourself.â
Itâs the empathy in her voice instead of the usual sympathy that finally cracks you. Tears pool your eyes and you sink to the floor. Emily sits down next to you without a word. She tries to pull you in for a hug but you push away.Â
âPlease donât.â You sob. âIâm sorry.â
She squeezes your knee to relay that she understands and retracts her hand. Your discomfort with physical touch was another thing you had in common with Spencer. It was just a personal preference for you, unlike his germophobia. He was the only person you were actually comfortable with in terms of touch, but you couldnât fault others for not respecting that boundary when youâd never verbalised it.Â
âIâve been trying to figure out the right way to tell you guys, but I donât think thereâs any way this gets easier.â You recompose yourself after a moment. âIâm, um, leaving.â
You expect her to get upset with you, but find her unfazed.Â
âYou donât look surprised.âÂ
âWell itâs not entirely surprising. I mean given everything thatâs happened.âÂ
âSo youâre not mad?â
âWhy would I be mad?â She leans back with her mouth slightly open.Â
âBecause I feel like Iâm abandoning you guys.â You heavily exhale.Â
âYouâre not abandoning us. Youâre doing what you feel is right for you. I mean, am I happy about it? Definitely not. But I know better than anyone why you feel like you need to do this. And itâs not a decision you have to justify to anybody.â Emily reassures you.Â
âHow do I tell everybody else?â You push for more advice.
âHowever you feel most comfortable doing it. It doesnât have to be some big announcement. You can casually break it to them whenever you get the opportunity. Theyâll understand.âÂ
âThank you, Em.â You genuinely smile this time, eternally grateful that sheâs managed to take some pressure off your shoulders.
âNow while youâre in a mood to shareâŠif you wanna talk about something elseââ She attempts one last time to get you to talk about Spencer, sensing that the mood lightened a bit.Â
âNice try.â You laugh as you rise to your feet, offering your arms out to her to help her stand.
The following two days were a lot easier on you, mentally. You took Emilyâs advice and disclosed your news individually to each team member, each of them more understanding than youâd anticipated. You were surprised to learn that Rossi was already aware, assuming that it came with being a profiler for as long as he had. Derek and JJ did try to talk you out of it initially, but accepted your decision in the end. You still had to talk about this with Garcia, but felt a lot more at ease with mostly everybody knowing.
Except Spencer.
That thought lingered in the back of your mind. You still love him, itâs not something you can just turn off. You shake it off and divert your full attention to the case. Four more bodies had been discovered and with them, a new pattern to the killings. The unsub was devolving. You and Spencer were the only ones at the precinct when the last murder was called in. Meaning you were stuck working on the geographical profile with him while the others were out chasing new leads.Â
Realistically, only one of you was needed to build the profile and decided you were going to let him do it. You quietly sat in the furthest seat possible, trying to make yourself invisible and hoping that this would keep him busy enough to not talk to you. The whole week, you hadnât uttered a single word to him unless it was absolutely necessary for the case. It was as if he didnât exist, even if he was standing right infront of you. Spencer, on the other hand, spent the whole week prodding you for any reaction he could get. Anytime you made suggestions and he happened to be in the area, he tried to one up you.
At times it felt like he was purposely seeking you out, despite his brutal proclamation five days ago. Every attempt to rile you up failed. The most acknowledgement he got from you was a few scoffs and glares. He hadnât even realised he was doing it, until Derek asked him point blank what his problem was. He didnât have an answer, but now that he was aware of it he tried to go out of his way to avoid it.Â
That didnât last more than a few hours. The fact that he had to consciously avoid talking to you pissed him off, especially because he couldnât stop. You pretending like he didnât exist pissed him off even more. The one time he took his eyes off the board in front of him they landed on you. You were busy scribbling words in a file, trying to get a head start on your paperwork.Â
âDo you plan to help at all?â He sneers, noticing that you looked a lot more relaxed than you did at the start of the case.Â
You snap your head towards the board behind him. A rough venn diagram was drawn on a map of the city, small tacked notes labelling prominent buildings in the area.Â
âHow am I meant to help?â You question, darting your eyes between him and the board out of confusion.
âYouâre asking me how to do your job?â He taunts, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes.
You dramatically groan, throwing your head back.Â
Itâs hard to believe that heâs a man of logic in moments like these. There have been far too many in the last few months. You bounce off your seat and head over to the board. Spencer stays glued in his spot and your body accidentally brushes against his as you try to get past. He watches you take off some notes and add on new ones but doesnât register what youâre doing at first. Heâs too intoxicated by your scent. His hand runs through his hair as he steps back in an effort to regain his composure. His teeth grit and his jaw tenses momentarily, he hates that you have the ability to do this to him.Â
âWhat do you think youâre doing?â The pitch of his voice raises and his ears are burning.
âWhat do you mean?â You roll your eyes, shrugging your arms, sarcasm laced in your words.Â
âDonât try to act all dumb!â He berates, shaking his head.Â
âDonât try to act all smart.â Your eyes roll again. Spencer was slowly starting to wear down your apathy.Â
âI am smart.â He scoffs. Your blood boils, this trump card is becoming too repetitive.
âSavour that, itâs the one good thing youâve got going for you!â You finally snap.Â
âYouâre UNBELIEVABLE! The first time you bother to answer me all week and itâs just to argue?â Heâs trying his best to refrain from yelling.
âOh! Youâve been trying to start an argument all week and now that Iâm giving in you canât take it?! Actually, why have you been trying so hard, Doctor? I was under the impression that you canât even stand to look at my face!â
He dryly swallows, unable to respond immediately. The reminder of his words makes him internally cringe. He never meant to say them. It was the most efficient way he could think of at that time to hurt you. Spencer hadnât anticipated the sheer amount of will power it would take to stay away from you. You seeking him out made it infinitely harder. His fake disdain was a defence mechanism, he was hiding behind hatred to get the job done.Â
âYOUââ
âAlright, thatâs enough!â Hotch loudly cuts him off.Â
Neither you nor Spencer noticed the teams return during your squabble. Youâre slightly embarrassed, wondering how much theyâve witnessed. Spencer turns away from you and looks to the blank wall on the other side of the room. You look to the floor and bite the inside of your cheek.Â
âCare to explain whatâs going on?â He grills and you feel like a petulant child receiving a lecture from your father.Â
âShe wasnât doing her job!â Spencer complains. âAnd when I brought it up she messed up my profile!â
âGod youâre insufferable! Itâs called ânarrowing the profileâ, Spencer. Maybe if you did it properly, I wouldnât have to.â You retort.Â
âHey!â Hotch scolds.
It falls silent for a second, awkward glances finding their way around the room. Rossi breaks it first.Â
âYou know, if I didnât know any better, Iâd think you two were bickering toddlers instead of FBI agents.â
You make eye contact with Morgan trying to hold in a laugh and it makes you snort.Â
âWe will discuss this later. Letâs focus on the updates weâve gathered.â Hotch dismisses due to more pressing matters at hand.Â
âAfter talking to friends of the latest victims, I can confirm that they were all last seen in the same club.â JJ pipes up first.
âAnd the dumpsites are all less than twenty minutes away from there. Heâs definitely not holding them anymore.â Morgan adds.
âThat has to be where heâs choosing his victims. Did the medical examiner find anything new?â Hotch asks.
âTraces of GHB.â Emily replies. âWe donât know how heâs administering it into their systems, but my guess would be through the drinks.â
âGamma-hydroxybutyrate, mostly known as GHB, is a party drug that produces feelings of euphoria, confidence, relaxation and sociability. Side effects of GHB can include drowsiness, vomiting, mood swings, dependence, as well as more serious symptoms of unconsciousness. When mixed with alcohol the risk of overdose increases as it can cause respiratory collapse leading to coma or in extreme cases death.â Spencerâs about to continue but quickly recognises that itâs a tangent he needs to cut short.Â
âWait JJ what club were the victims last seen in?â You inquire, walking closer to the map.
When she relays the name it clicks.Â
âThatâs smack in the middle of the comfort zone.â You point at a small red note labelling the building.Â
âSo how do we catch this guy? I mean the club would be packed and we donât know what this guy looks like. The profile tells us that he would blend in, nothing would stand out about him.â Morgan subtly suggests a string operation.
âExcept for when heâs alone with the object of his rage. Which in our case would be the women heâs using as surrogates. He'd be possessive, become clingy, hold on too tight and once those advances are rejected heâd fly into blind rage.â Spencer exclaims without realising the weight of his input.Â
âYeahâŠbut he has a very specific type.â Rossi hesitates.Â
A fact that everybody had been avoiding the case because of how close it hit to home.Â
Youâre his exact type.
âNo.â Hotch shuts down.
âHotch, think about it. I mean this guy is not slowing down. A sting might be our best bet to stop him before he kills again.â JJ shares Rossiâs hesitation.
âItâs too risky!â Spencer blurts, making it clear heâs against the idea.Â
Everyone begins to chime in with their input, but you stay silent and think it over. None of them wanted to put you in this position, but youâd seen the bodies and what heâd done to those women. What heâll continue to do to other women if he isnât stopped. It was a no brainer on your end.Â
âIâll do it!â You announce amidst the chatter.
It comes to an immediate halt, all eyes shifting on you.
âWhat?â Spencer scoffs.
You can tell that heâs genuinely surprised by the small hitch in his voice. Emily sceptically calls your name, posing it as a question.Â
âIâll do it.â You reiterate, taking care to seem as confident as possible.
âAbsolutely not! The odds of this going wrong are way too high!â Spencer howls with a little too much passion.Â
âReidâs right. The unsub is way too unpredictable.â Hotch debates.
âJJ has a point, think about it!â You argue. âWe know for a fact that heâs going to strike tonight. Sending me undercover as bait is better than staking out the place and waiting for him to target a civilian!âÂ
âOkay so letâs send somebody else!â Spencer contests, his tone prayerful.Â
For a split second, you see your best friend again. Heâs showing more regard for you now than he has in months and it makes your heart sink knowing it wonât be forever. Still, you try to reason with him while heâs there.
âThereâs no time! I fit his type. This is our best option.â
âNo, this is stupid and dangerous. Youâre not going in there!â Heâs gone again.Â
âThatâs not your call to make!â You snap.Â
âHotch no!â Spencer tries again.
âKid, relax! This isnât her first undercover mission.â Morgan attempts to calm Reid. âPlus weâll all be there in case anything goes wrong.â
âStatisticallyââ
âFor Godâs sake forget the fucking statistics! Peopleâs lives are at stake!â You loudly end his tangent before it can begin.Â
âAlright, everybody calm down!â Hotch speaks up, making it a point to stare down Spencer.Â
Heâd made his decision and Spencer can only stare back in disbelief, too breathless to argue.Â
âLike Morgan said, weâll be there watching over you, along with some local law enforcement. You wonât be wired, but weâll have a fail safe just in case you need backup earlier than expected. We donât have a lot of time. Letâs get to work.â The unit chief asserts.Â
Before anyone can make any further moves, Spencer storms out of the room. JJ runs after him, assuring Hotch that sheâll take care of it. The rest of you break off to your assigned tasks, preparing for the operation that night.Â
âSpence! Slow down!â She yells, chasing him all the way outside the precinct.Â
Heâs breathing too fast, practically on the edge of hyperventilating. He pushes his hair back with both of his hands, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.Â
âSpence what the hell is going on with you?â JJ pants, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
âMe?!â Spencer yanks himself away from her. âWhat the hell is going on with all of you?! Youâre all insane for allowing her to do this!â
âSheâs a grown woman and a trained agent! This is her decision. She knows what sheâs getting herself into.â JJ reminds him.Â
âWell itâs not a very smart decision! She shouldnât be making decisions thisâŠthis reckless!â He shrieks.Â
âOkay you need to calm down!â JJ sternly states.Â
âJennifer, do not tell me to calm down! Sheâs about to make herself a direct target for a psychopathic sadist and youâre all just letting it happen!â
âSo what? Should we let some innocent woman become his next target?âÂ
âNo! Iâm not saying we shouldâ justâ why does it have to be her?!â The emphasis on his last word gives him away, JJ picks up on it instantly.Â
âThatâs what this is about? Câmon you know better than this.â She relaxes her shoulders. âSpencer, we all care about her. We all want her to be safe. And she will be as long as we separate out feelings fromââ
âFeelings? This has nothing to do with how I feelââ
âOkay stop! Stop! God!â JJ huffs with pauses between her words. âI am so sick of this! This is clearly about your feelings. The past four months have all been aboutââ
She smacks her hands against her face as she takes a deep breath, a display of frustration.Â
âListen to me.â She commands, exhausted from the back and forth. âItâs clear that you two care deeply for each other, whether youâre willing to admit it or not. Neither of you will talk about whatever it is thatâs caused this riftâ fine! But donât you think itâs time to bury the hatchet now that sheâs leaving?â
Spencer freezes.Â
â...Leaving?â He repeats, taken off guard.Â
JJ takes a moment to read his expression.Â
âShe didnât tell you?â JJ mutters, still scanning his face.Â
âWhatâ what are youâŠâ He canât find the words, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tries to process her words.
âSheâs resigning, Spencer. Sheâs leaving the FBI.â JJ canât hide how sheâs surprised that you havenât shared this with him.Â
âNo, that's not possible. She loves this job. Why would she leave?â Denial is his first response.
Spencer thinks over your possible motivations and can only land on the obvious. Youâd only leave if you grew to hate the job.Â
Did he do this? Did he make you hate it?
âWe were all surprised when she first told us, I mean, it came out of nowhere.â
âWe?â He rubs his temple, anticipating a possible migraine from the bomb that just dropped on him. âHow long?â
âWhat?â
âHow long have you guys known?â He balefully sighs, trying his hardest to not misplace his anger.Â
âItâs hard enough at work, I donât want to see your face in my personal time too.âÂ
He had no one to be angry at, but himself.
âA day? Maybe two? She told us individually. Honestly with this case I havenât had time to wrap my head around it.â JJ honestly reveals.Â
So not long. Maybe you were still making your way around to telling him? You wouldnât just leave without so much as telling him, would you?
A few months ago, Spencer wouldâve confidently answered no. Today he was sure that you would. He so badly hoped that he was wrong.Â
âSpence, look, we can talk about this later. But right now, you need to make sure youâre able to stay objective. Can you do that?â
He nods relentlessly, tucking his hair behind his ears. A habit he adapted early in life. It was an indicator of the gears turning in his head. JJ gives him a few more minutes outside before guiding him back in to help with preparations. Spencer absentmindedly performed his tasks, but all he could think about was you.Â
Youâre leaving and heâs the only person you hadnât disclosed this information to. Abandonment was a feeling he was all too used to, but he never imagined that youâd abandon him. He knows that he can only blame himself, but he still canât help the irritation thatâs creeping in his veins.Â
Even as he straps up his hidden bullet proof vest hours later, he canât push the sentiment away. You were setting yourself up as bait for one of the most dangerous types of serial killers. On top of purposely putting yourself in direct line danger, you were leaving without telling him. He wouldâve showed up to work one day and youâd be gone.
Right now he stands just a few feet away from you and you donât look toward him once. No one would be able to guess that youâre undercover. Itâs amazing how youâve managed to transform yourself from supervisory special agent to a regular socialite and party girl in a couple of hours.
If he could overcome the hurt he feels at the moment, he might see how breathtaking you look. Then again, you always appear breathtaking to him. Before he knows it, heâs walked right up to you. You donât feel his presence looming behind you until you bump into him when you turn around.Â
âShit Spencer!â You jump, mostly because of the nerves from the upcoming night.Â
Heâs about to say something but you beat him to it.
âDonât start! Iâm not in the mood.â You brush him off and disappear out of sight.
It was like that for much of the preparations. Heâd muster the courage to try and talk to you, and youâd walk away. Much like how Spencer would avoid you when your friendship first fell apart.Â
âEverybody in position?â Hotch inquires through his ear piece.Â
âAffirmative.â Morgan gives the greenlight for your entry into the club.Â
You made your way to the bar, making it a point to sit alone. You didnât have to wait long. Archie Carter, 36, cheated on by his ex fiance before their wedding. She ran away with another man because Archie failed to keep his sadistic traits hidden and it scared her off. Torturing and murdering women who looked like her was his way of giving her a real reason to be scared.Â
This was all information Garcia found after it was nearly too late. Heâd managed to get you on the dance floor, subtly injecting you with the GHB. You didnât even feel him do it. To everybody else it just seemed like you were playing your part really well on the dance floor, when in reality you were struggling to stand up. You couldnât give out any signals and he was able to slip you away into the back alley under the noses of five FBI agents.Â
It was Spencer whoâd found you fighting for your life against Archieâs grip around your throat. Spencer, who put the bullet in Archieâs head after being unable to talk him down. Spencer who kneeled above you, begging you to come back as he began CPR. If heâd found you any later you mightâve been gone for good.Â
Pissed was an understatement.
At the piece of shit that almost ripped you away from the world. At Hotch and the team for not listening. At himself for being right. Not you though, for the first time in a long time, he wasnât pissed at you. He was terrified. Both for you and for almost losing you.Â
You had to stay a few extra days in Anchorage, bound to your hospital room. The team refused to fly back without you, each of them taking turns to keep you company. They all felt an immense amount of guilt but you reassured them that it wasnât their fault. Your tongue grew tired of reminding them that this was a part of the job. Rossi joked that it was a good thing you were leaving it all behind in that case and it stung more than you were willing to admit.Â
In your brush with death you came to the revelation that you didnât want to leave, but hearing Spencerâs voice lull you back to him confirmed that you needed to. You couldnât bring yourself to hear him talk everyday and not be the person he was talking to. It was why you had basically barred him from visiting you during your recovery there. Seeing his face was more than you could handle at the time. Not seeing yours weighed on him, because he needed to see if you were okay.
Physically, he knew youâd be fine once the doctors confirmed it. Mentally, he knew all too well of the repercussions that came with almost dying directly by the hands of an unsub. Youâd been discharged and cleared fifty eight hours after you were admitted, and the team was ready to fly back a few hours later. All the signs of being less than okay were there. He recognised them as soon as he saw you board the jet.Â
Besides the obvious bruises collaring your neck, there was some minor swelling that lingered. That wasnât his biggest concern. It was the smile plastered on you when you put on your âIâm okayâ act for the others. Your eyes, like always, gave you away. You were already trying to sweep everything under the rug. Less than a few minutes after take off you isolated yourself in the back. Youâd been doing that a lot in your recent cases.Â
It irked him how everybody just let you. He decided right then that he wasnât going to. He didnât care how much you hate him, he was going to ensure that you came out of this truly okay. You were mindlessly staring out the window, counting the clouds, listening to the music playing through your headphones. You tried to ignore the feeling of being watched. Youâd felt like that since you came to, in the alley.Â
It took you a second to understand that you were actually being watched, turning to find Spencer in the previously empty seat across from you.Â
âYouâve gotta stop sneaking up on me.â You snark, ripping off your headphones, still recovering from the small jump scare.
âSorry.â He chuckles out of habit.
You unintentionally smile at the sound and find yourself staring in his eyes.Â
âAreââ He falters as he thinks the question over in his head. âIs there anything I can get you?â
Youâre taken aback, not expecting those words. You had a script prepared to waive off questions about your well being. He knows you better than that, throwing you off course as usual.
âWhat do you want?â You grumble, accepting that you couldnât get past him.
âI want to know if thereâs anything I can get you.â He repeats in a low tone.Â
There he is again. The Spencer you know and love. Your heart threatens to leap.
âIf this is to clear some guilty conscience, donât bother.â You verbally guard yourself. âIâm fine.â
It would be a lie if he said his reasoning was completely selfless. He was hardly able to keep away from you without feeling like he was drowning, but it was nothing compared to how he felt when he thought he may have lost you forever. The feeling didnât last very long, he was able to revive you within a few seconds, but never feeling like that again would be too soon.Â
Spencer believed in two things; statistics and facts. One fact he refused to ignore any longer is that he couldnât live without you. He quietly opened that satchel that still clung across his torso, fishing out some pain killers and an unopened water bottle.Â
âI know you probably forgot to take yours out of your bag.â He ignores your previous comment and slides the items across the table to you.Â
Your gaze lingers on the items in front of you, but your hands stay folded in your lap as you piece everything together.Â
âYou know.â You whisper.Â
âWere you going to tell me?â He gulps after a beat of silence.Â
âDoes it matter?â You're quick to respond.
âI wanna hear it from you.â Heâs just as fast.Â
You look up from the leaf of pills, heâs already surveilling you. Itâs a short lived staring contest because your focus shifts behind him to Hotch, whoâs observing this encounter from the kitchenette on the other end. Spencer continues waiting on you for a response but you stand up, ready to walk away. It dawns on you when you see your supervisor that technically you hadnât officially resigned yet. The paperwork never got started because this case took priority and that was a detail you needed to sort out right away.
âDonât go.â Spencer pleads when you take your first step.
Was it a request to sit back down or to stay with the BAU? You didnât bother to clarify, he had no right to ask for either.Â
You let out a deep, exasperated sigh as you lie curled up in your warm sheet, scowling at the floor beneath you. It seemed that the universe (your friends) had it out to delay your departure as much as possible. Itâs been four days since your return from Anchorage and youâve been stuck in your apartment since Hotch dropped you off here. Heâs ordered mandatory time off for your recovery, meaning the paperwork has to wait.Â
You could be using this time in a more productive manner. You could be searching for a new job. And a new place to live. You should be trying to figure out where this new place would be. You never actually thought that far ahead. In your haste to run away, you forgot to plan your next steps. Youâve convinced yourself that you canât do any of it until the forms are filled out.Â
The âuniverseâ isnât the only thing delaying you.Â
If you really wanted to, you could have everything emailed to you. You can have it done online, but there are two major problems. The first is pretty straight forward; youâre not ready to leave. You know that this is the best course of action for everybody, but your brain and your heart are at an impasse. Youâve dedicated years to this job because you love this job. Unfortunately, you love Spencer more, which means that staying is going to drive you to hate your job.Â
The other reason is slightly more nuanced and you donât want to think about it, opting to let your impasse be the reason for your lack of motivation to do anything other than bed rotting. Itâs not as bad as it seems, itâs more self care than anything. Your bodyâs telling you it needs to rest and youâre simply obliging. Plus, it couldnât be that serious if you still had bursts when you had to keep up appearances. You have to be okay if youâre able to force yourself to open the front door for your coworkers when they come to check on you. You really werenât that miserable if you managed to smile and laugh for their short visits.Â
And itâs not like youâre truly rotting. You showered quite often, you actually just had your second one today. You were definitely okay if you could manage to keep up with hygiene. Itâs not excessive, you need to scrub the purple away. You know thatâs not how it works, but you canât stand to look at the parts of your neck where his hands were wrapped around. If you close your eyes for long enough you can still feel him squeezing untilâ
Youâre okay.
No, youâre irritated. The incessant knocking on your front door wonât stop no matter how much you ignore it. You were relieved when evening came. It meant that normal visiting hours were over and you could rest today. If it wasnât any of your usual visitors then it had to be stranger. The thought made you uneasy, you hesitated to answer it at all.Â
You canât live in fear all the time.Â
The door eventually opens and Spencer sees you for the first time in days. He actually tried to check on you earlier, but Penelope insisted everybody stick to her roster so you donât get overwhelmed. The circles under your eyes were almost as dark as his, you hadnât been getting much sleep. The swelling around your throat was almost all gone, but the bruising wasnât healing like he expected it to.Â
âSpencerâŠwhat are you doing here?â Your voice is hoarse.Â
âI brought take out.â He gently dangles a bag of food in front of him, his voice high, but quiet.Â
You can practically smell the contents of the bag, nostalgia hitting you like a ton of bricks. It was your favourite thing to order on the days heâd come over for movie nights. Before Spencer showed you a side of him you didnât know existed. It felt like a taunt, like he was twisting the metaphorical knife he plunged in your heart. It made you sick.
âI already ate.â You lie, mustering a dull smile on your face.
Spencer swallows and bites the inside of his cheek, not taking his eyes off you. Trying to think of the best way to call you out without causing you to shun him.Â
âWe can do something else until youâre hungry again.â He gives a tight lipped smile and raises his furrowed brows, like heâs pleading for you to accept his offer.
âI donât think Iâll be hungry anytime soon.â You awkwardly laughâ well itâs close to a laugh if not for your strained vocal chords.Â
âCan I come in anyway? We can put on a movie.â Heâs using the voice he used to when trying to comfort you or convince you of something. Soft, low, steady. Itâs a stark contrast to the voice youâve been hearing for the last ten days.Â
Please donât come back here. Itâs hard enough at work, I donât want to see your face in my personal time too.
Tears threaten the composure youâre working so hard to maintain.
âWhy are you really here?â You sigh, unable to stick with the pleasantries.Â
âI told you.â He emphasises the bag of food in his hands again. âTake out. Maybe a movieââ
âCut the shit.â You assert, harshly. âYou can tell Penelope that you came to see me so she gets off your back, but please stop pretending like you care.â
âThatâsâŠis that why you think Iâm here?â His shoulders drop.
âIsnât it?â You bite, your door now wide open as you lean against it for support. Your legs are aching to curl into your chest again.Â
âNo.â His reply is short and clear, leaving no room for misinterpretation. âIâm here because I want to be here.â
âWhy? Thereâs nothing in it for you.â You scoff, blinking from confusion. âUnlessâŠis this some sick game? Seeing me like thisâ knowing that Iâmâ are you trying to gloat?â
âGloat?â He repeats in almost a whisper, the hurt in his voice evident.
âRelish, rejoice, rub it in, I donât know. Youâre the walking thesaurus.â
He can tell from your lax posture that you're amused. Your back is against your door, hands behind your back and youâre leaning forward a bit as you stare at the ground. Not caring that your words cut deep.
Is this how low you think he is?
âWhy would I be enjoying this?â His hopeful smile drops entirely as he tries to understand you.Â
âCall it epicaricacy.â You shrug.Â
âEpicaricacy?â He mumbles in a whispered tone, like heâs trying to process what you said.
Deriving pleasure from the misfortune of others.
Your eyes roll from how slow heâs acting and you have to hold yourself back from repeating the definition out loud.
âDo you honestly think I enjoy seeing you like this?â The change in pitch stings a bit.Â
âNo, I donât think you like seeing me at all.â You half smirk up at him, sadness evident in your eyes. âWhich brings us back toâŠwhy are you here Doc?â
âThatâs not true.â He cringes, ignoring the second part.
âNot true?â You wiggle your brows sarcastically.Â
âNot true.â He reaffirms, sighing deeply. âI didnât mean it. Iâm sorry.âÂ
âYouâre sorry.â You scoff again, shaking your head.
âI know that Iâve been unreasonableââ
âUnreasonable?â The tip of your tongue rolls against the back of your teeth, bewildered at his sheer audacity.Â
âA dick! Iâve been a dick.â He corrects himself, desperate to have you hear him out.Â
You tighten your jaw, inhaling lightly through your nose and your brows are raised as high as they can go.Â
âI was hurt. Okay? I wash lashing out, but, Iââ He takes a deep breath to stop himself, wanting to get to the point. âI know that Iâve been acting otherwise but, I care about you. And when I found you back thereâŠI justâŠI know what youâre going through, even if you wonât admit it. I donât want you to go through it alone.â
Your expression softens as he speaks. Of course he knows. He knows you better than anyone. For a moment you consider allowing yourself to break down in his arms, like you would have once. Itâs jarring, Spencer reverting to his former self after he saved your life. The comfort swiftly bubbles into anger. All your attempts for reconciliation were met with so much hostility before. It took you almost dying for him to care. It feels too little too late. The only thing you can think of as he stands next to you is all the ways he can further hurt you if you let him. You push off your door and stand straight, giggling bitterly.Â
âSpencer, go home.â You say with the same bitterness.Â
âPleaseââ
âGo home! I donât want your pity!â You yell. It feels alleviating. âDo you honestly think that anything changes just because you saved my life? Do you think it erases everything thatâs happened in the past few months? Because it doesnât! Things canât go back to how they were simply because you feel bad that I almost died. Itâs not a flip you can switch. You donât just get to start caring!âÂ
You're heaving and he can only stare at the ground. He knows youâre right, except for the one crucial error in your speech.Â
âI never stopped caring.â He mumbles.
This fucking idiot.
Enraged, sad, frustrated, confused; all emotions youâve been suppressing that are now fighting to show at the same time. You take a step closer to him and he meets your eyes again. You can see that heâs holding back tears, same as you. It fuels you in a twisted way. You have an opportunity to hurt him the way he hurt you and you donât let it go to waste.
âDonât come back here. Itâs hard enough at work to see your face at work, I donât want to see it in my personal time too.âÂ
You canât stay to see the effects of his words thrown back at his face, your heartâs threatening to burst from how fast itâs racing. His jaw locks from how tense he is. He knows exactly why you said it, but itâs still hard to hear. You turn around and rush into your apartment, shutting the door on his face, leaving him standing there. You donât make it too far inside, collapsing on the wooden floor with a choked sob.Â
That didnât make you feel as good as you thought it would. You hoped that maybe if you could make him feel at least a fraction of youâre feeling, youâd hurt less. It was more than just getting back at him for everything heâs done. You were unknowingly trying to punish him for what Archie Carter did too. It didnât make you hurt any less, but at least you felt less alone in your hurt.Â
He didnât come back for the rest of your time off. Everybody continued to follow the roster, showing up on their days and bringing you âget well soonâ goodies. Penelope even invited herself over for a night's stay once. You didnât have the heart to say no, but you found yourself counting the hours until youâd be alone again, free to wallow. The only respite you got for the next week was on Spencerâs days. You could expect to be left mostly alone, only a bag of take out accompanied by an eerily fitting quote sitting outside your door.Â
You hate to admit that those were your favourite days. You had a chance to breathe and he somehow knew exactly what you needed to hear. You gave the food away in protest and the quote would go straight in the bin (once you read it). One final psych evaluation later you were cleared to come back. Not that you needed one since you didnât plan to stay for long. It was really just a formality. By the time you returned only a few faded bruises remained, easy enough to cover with concealer.Â
âYouâre back! Ooh, itâs so good to see you!â Garcia was the first with a warm greeting and a tight hug. You reciprocated to the best of your ability.Â
âGood to have you back, Pretty Girl.â Derekâs second, walking you through the bullpen as you make your way to Hotchâs office.
âEnjoy it while you can.â You giggle in reply. âIs Hotch in yet?â
âI see someone canât wait to leave us.â Emily jokes, feigning a hurt look. You roll your eyes.
âYeah, heâs expecting you.â JJ laughs, slapping Emilyâs arm playfully.Â
âThanks JJ!â You smile and they all watch you disappear behind the door.Â
âSo itâs official? Sheâs really leaving?â JJ questions through a half-hearted smile.Â
âI asked Rossi and he said that Hotch is gonna ask her to stay until we find a replacement.â Emily replies, still eyeing the door.Â
âHow did you get Rossi to admit that?â JJ turns to the raven head, questioningly, and Emily smiles coyly giving no response.Â
âAm I the only one who thinks this whole thing would end once they make up? I mean come on, we all know sheâs leaving because of him, right?â Morgan looks at Spencer, whoâs nose deep in a file at his desk.Â
âYeah, but we canât help if they refuse to talk to us about it.â Emily sighs, hanging her head back.Â
The three dive deeper into their discussion and youâre none the wiser from inside the cream-coloured walls of Hotchâs office. As per protocol, heâs just finished informing you of whatâs next and youâre kind enough to accept his request to stay until they find a replacement. You definitely said yes because you want to make the teamâs transition easier, not for any self indulgent reasons such as you not being ready to leave.Â
âJust return this to me once youâve filled it out.â He instructs as he hands you a file containing your resignation forms.Â
âThanks Hotch.â You smile, grabbing the file.Â
You begin heading towards the door when he stops you by your name.Â
âI understand that youâre set on this decision, but I am sad to see you go.â Itâs insane how many emotions this man can get across while maintaining a blank expression. âHowever, if you change your mind at any point, let me know.âÂ
âThanks Hotch.â You playfully scoff, appreciating that even he has to try at least once.Â
If one more person tries though, you might scream. It wasnât easy, pretending that you werenât crumbling inside. The extra pressure doesnât make it any easier. You leave his office, closing the door behind you and approach your desk. The resignation forms are put aside for later as you still have to finish your case report from Anchorage. Part of you wanted to put it off until the last minute, the other part wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible.Â
âCoffee?â Penelope chirps, holding out a mug filled with the hot beverage.Â
âThanks Pen.â You smile up at her, taking it out of her hands.Â
âNo problem.â She smirks mischievously and trots off.Â
A strange lady, but your strange lady.
Upon your first sip you almost choke it out. It was perfect. Exactly to your liking. Which would be a good thing, except only one person knows exactly how you like it. Back when you first joined, you learned how popular coffee was with all the employees. You felt out of place because you werenât a massive fan of the drink and you avoided too much sugar because it made you feel sick. You soon discovered that you liked it a lot more with honey instead. It was a weird preference, but it worked for you, making it sweet without overpowering your senses like sugar did.Â
You never declined a cup when offered by your colleagues, not wanting to dishearten them. It was Spencer who caught you sneaking honey into your cup when you thought no one was paying attention. He never mentioned anything to you, but the next time he returned with a cup to offer, you couldnât help but the smile that adorned your face for the rest of the day. It was why you dedicated yourself to morning breakfast runs for him, memorising his coffee order as a silent thank you. Neither of you ever talked about it.Â
You spin your seat around to find Spencer engaged in conversation with Rossi. You consider walking past him and dumping the beverage in the sink to make a point, but it was a welcome energiser for the dreadful task at hand. Plus you arenât wasteful. You spin back around and decide to accept it just this once.Â
When heâs sure youâre no longer looking he sets his sights back on you. A small smile forms across his lips when he sees you drink the coffee. He honestly expected you to throw it away. He feared that if he was the one to deliver the mug, youâd throw it on him. It was why he convinced Garcia to do it, bribing her by promising to buy a round of drinks on the next night out.Â
âKid, are you even listening?â Rossi scolds in an incredulous way.Â
As the hours pass, your frustration grows. You couldnât get yourself to write the details of the case. Your mind refused to think about it. You had hoped that taking breaks would make it easier, but everytime you returned to the page your head went blank.
âNeed some help?â Spencer asks, spawning next to you.
âChrist, Reid!â You blurt, startled. âI thought I told you to stop doing that.âÂ
âSorry.â He chuckles as if on cue.Â
You glare at him expectantly. He doesnât say anything, glancing between you and the unfinished case file, waiting for an answer.Â
âNo thanks.â You keep it short, hoping he takes the hint.Â
âLet me know if you do.â He doesnât.Â
âYou wouldnât even be the last person Iâd ask if I did.â You snark.Â
âBut you would eventually?â He stays calm, almost playful.Â
Smart ass.Â
You choose to ignore him, be the bigger person and all that. Even though he wasnât antagonising you.Â
âThanks for the coffee.â Itâs forceful gratitude. You werenât feeling grateful, but you still had manners.Â
âYouâre welcome.âÂ
âDonât make it again.âÂ
âI will not.â He grins and walks away to his desk.Â
You act like you donât know heâs watching you work. Looking up often to find you stuck on the same page. Even if he knew that you know, he didnât plan to stop. What he does know is that youâd never directly let him help you. He doesnât care. There werenât any new cases this week, so a ton of paperwork was to be expected. Itâs taunting enough to write down details of your own assault, the extra paperwork would only add more stress. Youâre too busy trying to push through the mental blockade to notice the sudden influx of files on his desk and the efflux on yours.Â
What you didnât miss was how the next cup of coffee you were offered was just as perfect as the one from before.Â
âI thought I told you to stop with the coffee, Reid.â You lightly slam the paper cup on Spencerâs desk.Â
He leans back in his seat and chews on his lip with an entertained smirk.Â
âAnd I did. Thatâs not from me.â Heâs earnest with his response.
âOh, so JJ just happens to know my coffee preferences all of a sudden?â You sarcastically retort, crossing your arms.
âNo.â He crosses his fingers across his lap. âI told her how you like your coffee when she said she was going on a coffee run.â
âAnd why did you do that?â You play along, unenthusiastically.Â
âBecause you told me to stop doing it.â He states in the most casual way possible.Â
This was getting you nowhere. It was naive to think heâd let you spend your last few weeks here peacefully. Scratch thatâ he was being peaceful. Too peaceful. A new tactic to get under your skin?
âStop. It.â The delivery of your words is slow and emphasised.Â
âStop doing exactly what youâve told me to?â
You bite your tongue and glare at him. His face, shoulders, arms, everything, is relaxed. You canât even argue with him. You take a moment to consider how bad it would be if you bashed his head in with the back of your gun. Then you take another to critique how easy it is to pass the psych evals. They should really think about the consequences of using questions the BAU wrote on actual BAU agents.Â
After that day you went back to ignoring him. Any time coffee was offered youâd decline altogether. If he attempted to try and talk to you, youâd respond with yes or no for the sake of professionalism. This didnât deter Spencer though. He gave you your space but kept a close eye on you, continuing to try and ease your burdens from afar. Exactly how he used to.Â
This only lasted until the next case came in. Specifically until you were back out on the field, where he perceived you to be in high amounts of danger. You tolerated it because it gave you comfort, not that youâd ever tell him. Having Spencer by your side made it easier to deal with the reality that thereâs little you can do if another incident like Anchorage occurred.Â
Plus focusing your energy on ignoring him kept the flashbacks away. Or it did, until the take down. You once again found yourself in danger from an unsub, only this time the situation was controlled. All guns were pointed at the killer, except for the one that was pointed at you. The plan was simple: you talk down the unsub, take him back to the station and talk him into exposing his partner.Â
Everything was going according to plan, until Spencer realised that one of the cops in the room was his partner and he was about to shoot you. Nobody understood what happened before the situation calmed down. Spencer had fired the first shot towards the dirty cop and immediately tackled you to the ground, shielding you from the hail of bullets that followed after. All you remember clearly is freezing up, clinging to the man on top of you. One moment you were screaming out, trying to make sure that he was okay and the next you were back in the alley behind the bar, fighting for your life.Â
You didnât comprehend anything until the panic attack subsided but Spencer was fine. His vest caught the bullets. Both unsubs were dead. Rossi and Prentiss came to the realisation the same time as Spencer and were quick to react. And you werenât in the alley. You were in Spencerâs arms as he led you away from the scene when it was safe.Â
When you snapped out of it the medics had cleared him of any injuries. He tried to approach you during your check up, but you shoved him away, unable to even look at him. The only thing you remember clearly is Hotch sending you all back to your hotel rooms before tomorrowâs flight back. You should be asleep right now, if not from the exhaustion of todayâs events alone, then from how long you spent reassuring everybody that you were okay.Â
You couldnât sleep. Not when so many thoughts were occupying your headspace. This is the second time Spencerâs saved your life, in the span of roughly a month. The first time heâs put his life in direct danger to save yours. Had it not been for his vest he would be dead. The more you linger on it, the angrier youâd become. You were also wearing a vest, you wouldâve been fine. What he did was unnecessary and reckless.Â
What if the bullet missed the vest? Entered through the side? What was he thinking?
You were mentally fighting the urge to barge into his room and yell at him for his stupidity, but you couldnât bring yourself to go to him. What happens to him is not your problem anymore. You arenât going to let your guard down just because heâs an idiot.
Spoilers: BAU! Reader, Reader almost dies, Reader and Spencer are pissing me off, bc theyâre so dumb, angst, hurt no comfort, Reader gets a little revenge.
AN - Before you comment ANYTHING, there is one more part. Itâll be posted a lot sooner than this one was. Writing this made me realise how limited the English language is. Thereâs only so many words to use and ways to write them. If either part sounds repetitive at times, itâs not my fault!!! Casual reminder: I am not Spencer Reid. I donât have an IQ of 187. Any facts I make him spew could very well be bull-shit and he only spews them for the purpose of the story. I also have no knowledge of how the FBI works and lack a ton of common sense. A lot of things were made up for the purpose of this story.
If you comment you garner good karma for yourself and that could lead to you meeting MGG someday (Iâm not liable if this never happens), think about that...Â
Thank you for reading!
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